Thursday, March 03, 2005

Goin' Photoshoppin' With Martha Stewart

Whooee! I seen in this mornin's newspaper that Newsweek, the big Merkin magazine that's sorta like Maclean's, has got themselves a little tempest brewin' in their teapot. The latest edition o' Newsweek has got a big ol' pitcher o' Martha Stewart on the cover. The onliest troublem is that the head's MarthaGal's but the body belongs t' sumbuddy else.

Martha Stewart's head, sumbuddy else's bodyThe writin' on the cover sez "After Prison She's Thinner, Wealthier & Ready for Prime Time." Now, if you ask me (which nobuddy did), I'd say that when they start yammerin' 'bout her bein' thinner, the pitcher oughta be showing her own thinner body an' not sumbuddy else.

The Newsweek fellers put up a little photygraph credit that's sposed t' explain it all an' I reckon they figgered everybuddy who seen the cover would look fer the little wee credit an' figger out that they's lookin' at Martha's noggin on top o' who knows who's body.

Little teeny pitcher credit

Well, I figger if the bigboys at a big magazine like Newsweek ken go photoshoppin' an' make sum pitchers with the wrong heads onta the wrong shoulders, why not me? Looks like fun, sez I.

Last week when I had my shorts all in a knot 'bout ol' General Clarkson, I got t' wondrin' jest who it was that she reminded me of. Then it came t' me all in a flash.

Anybuddy else see a resemblement?

Yores trooly,


Balbulican said...

Aw, now, JB, that's uncharacteristically ungentlemanly of you.

I confess a sneaking fondness for our current GG. I had to interview her once when she was a National Media Figure and I was a humble journalism student, and she was gracious, funny, articulate, and generous with her time. I met her again during her most recent visit to Iqaluit, and she didn't seem to have changed...although she...sob...didn't seem to remember me from thirty years ago.

I thought she handled the kerfuffle caused by her security personnel rather fact, it was textbook perfect piece of spin.

I liked her hubby's writing until I made the mistake of trying his fiction.

JimBobby said...

Whooee! I reckon yer right 'bout it bein' a nasty shot, Balbu. I used t' like ol' General Clarkson up until she started in on these hoity-toity trips where she piles all her friends inta first-class an' treats 'em t' caviar at the expense o' you an' me. Folks say she does lotsa good fer the artists an' all an' mebbe she does. I got a burr up my ass 'bout the royals an' she carries on like she's one of'm anymore.

As far as that Reedough Hall kerfuffle, she done only a sumwhat good job, sez I. She got out an' spun like mad but I din't like it that she told the youngun he's sposed write hisself a 1000 word essay an' she never gave a lick o' discipline t' the goon who throwed the kiddies outta the Reedough.

I reckon she shoulda used sum o' them millions she spends on trips t' Yerp an' New York on bringin' that whole class back t' Ottywa. She shoulda also made that goon tour guide get out in front o' the press an' grovel or at least write a 1000 word essay.

If she wants t' get one her artist friends t' photoshop a pitcher o' me with sumbuddy else's head on my shoulders an' put it up on the Gumner General's website, I wouldn't blame her. Mebbe Chewbacca or Freddy Kruger's head could be set onta my scrawny neck. I ken supply the headless pitcher fer startin' with.

Yores trooly,

Darcey said...

You have to love how the US media will tear someone down and then build them up again. I guess bloggers can be that way to. Must be human nature. If you could put Yoda onto a bobble-head - I'd buy it...

Bloogers Byline said...

never could figger this govenror general thang tho i hadda govenrored general motors pick up once.aye could go fer that little sweety cept she hitched to dat voltaires bastard. ouch jest got a slap from Aggie.

alsocanadian said...

Jimbo! It's uncanny!

RossK said...

That was Martha's head?

I coulda swore it was Angie Dickenson from pre-Wild Palms Police Woman/Story Days.

Speaking of which....JB, you kinda talk write like Earl Holliman guy. So, is that a SyntactiShop-type deal?

JimBobby said...

Whooee! Thankee all fer chimin' in.

Darceyfeller, I reckon yer right 'bout the media. They's what you might call a-moral on accounta they don't give a hoot who they yap about just so long as the folks watchin' the Entertainment Tonight TV News Show'll eat it up.

BloogerBoy, watch out fer Aggie. It starts out with a slap an' ends with a one-way trip t' Mooger's Swamp.

Al Socanajun, uncanny it is but nasty like Balbulican sez, too. Ma showed me a pitcher in this mornin's paper o' that BTK serial killerfeller the Merkins jest caught an' she sez when they make the movie, ol' JimBobby ken play the part on accounta the resemblement.

GazetteFeller, yer speakin' in riddles wrapped up in enigmas. I googled SyntactiShop but there wasn't nuthin' t' be found so I reckon mebbe you made up that word. Over t' Jaybird Curriefeller's boog, sumbuddy floated an idee that my way o' writin' might be done by usin' sum sorta automagical filterin' software. Nope. I only wish it were true on accounta this dialectical typewritin' ain't exactly easy an' it's beginnin' t' spill over inta places it shouldn't had oughta.

Yores trooly,

Unknown said...

Hey JimBobby, she comes from the Wifee's side of the family. Though she does have an uncanny resemblance to me!! Must check that out.

RossK said...



Make stuff up?

Adobe just hasn't released it yet, although I hear that the syntactiphonic demangler is put into heavy rotation by a gaggle of backroom Rovians when they are working on the big boss' Pro-Nun-See-Aye-Shun.