Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Archeological Proof of Spear-Chuckers Down East

Whooee! Well, friends and foes, sum o' the polytickle correct Canajun boogers is gonna hafta take back all o' the bad-mouthin' they been heapin' on pore little StockBoy Day. StockFeller posted up a boog story where he talked 'bout spear-chuckers from down east an' sum pergressive boogers took'm t' task fer bein' a racist ignoramus. Looks like mebbe Stockwell's gonna get hisself vindicated by archeology.

A New Brunswick archeologist is planning a dig next spring on the province's east coast after a woman found out the spearhead she had been wearing as a necklace is 10,000 years old.

Joan Rennick found the spearhead seven years ago at — appropriately — Cape Spear, which is about 50 kilometres east of Moncton.

Where there's spearheads, there's spear-chuckers. The ancient down-easters was probbly usin' them spears when they was out huntin' dinosaurs. This here's a triumph o' StockBoy's superior grasp o' natural history an' it oughta shut them PCPBs up.

Now, I been callin' the ConMen "HarpoonTossers" fer years an' none o' my pergressive boogin' buddies's dressed me down fer bein' a racist. Good thing, too, on accounta that's a purty good way t' getcherself offered up a coupla JimBobby-flavoured knuckle samwitches.

Anyways, the spearchucker thing oughta blow over quick now that there's sum better dirt t' throw at Canadee's Noo Gummint. Yeow! After all o' the talk 'bout accountability an' transparency, the HarpoonTossers is finally admittin' they done wrong t' the tune o' hunnerts o' thousands o' dollars.
OTTAWA (CP) - After months of heated denials, the federal Conservative party has quietly admitted it failed to publicly disclose hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of donations.
Deny, deny, deny. Wait til you figger nobuddy's lookin'. Confess.

D'ya reckon King Steve knew this shitstorm was on the horizon when he started not wantin' an election vote anytime soon?

Yores trooly,

Friday, December 08, 2006

We Got Him!

Whooee! Ol' Spot an' I teamed up an' captured the varmint that's been makin' life miserable fer the last couplafew days. Yesterday, the elusive squirrel escaped. He went inta the basement an' I thought he was inside a cupboard but I reckon he weren't an' he got hisself hid somewheres in the crawlspace.

I heard him gnawin' an' scrabblin' this mornin' an' I set the live trap where I thought he might smell it. Then, ol' Spot an' I went over t' the ballpark an' I tossed the frisbee 50 or 60 times. Spot had a dump. I bagged it. We come home.

When I unleashed SpotFeller, he made a mad dash. I found him in the bathroom with the bushy-tailed rat cornered in the tub. I locked 'em both in while I figgered a plan.

I went in quick-like an' closed the door behind me. I leashed up ol' Spot. All he wants t' do is play with the vermin. I got Spot out with the squirrel still in an' the door closed. The bathroom's purty tiny, too.

I managed t' get the live-trap set in there an' then I went out an' shovelled sum damn snow fer a haff-hour 45 minutes.

I come back in hopin' the rat bastard would be caught in the trap an' ready fer transportation t' Van Diemen's Land. He weren't. He was still in the tub.

I got a blanket from offa the sofa an' I went in an' caught the sumbitch. I had 'im a couplafew times in the blanket an' he squirmed out. Finally, I had 'im all rolled up in a ball inside the blanket. Spot an' I took 'im out back.

I let the sumbitch loose an' I hope t' Jeezuz he don't come back inside. He had hisself a dang good scare, I reckon. 'Specially, when SpottyBoy was givin' 'im whatfor in the slippery ol' bathtub. Yeow!

I jest called Ma at work an' told 'er what great protectors o' the homestead ol' Spot an' me are. I ain't sure she was all that impressed.

Yores trooly,

Wednesday, December 06, 2006


Whooee! Jayzuz Flickerin' Christmastree! We ain't had any varmints invadin' the homestead fer a spell but dang it there's sumpin' under the dinin' room.

Ma'd already gone beddy-bye last night when I heard sum scratchin' an' clawin'. Turned out, she heard it, too. Well, I gotta figger out what t' do again. I got me what's called a partial basement in my 125 year-old shack. Most of it's a decent ol' basement but parts is only boarded-up crawlspaces an' anything wants in, they jest gotta get past some thin plywood. One time, we had a damn squirrel walk upstairs an' inta the dinin' room. Sum fun fer the dog. Yeow!

I'm tryin' t' screw up my nerve an' come up with a plan. I got me a live trap big enuff fer a coon. I could set a regular rat trap. I got one o' them, too. I could try the ultra-sonic annoyer-repeller again. I think I still got one that I tried that didn't work worth a shit. I ain't got a gun but I reckon one o' the naybers probbly does. I ain't keen on shootin' off guns inside the house.

Whatever I do means clearin' a path past god-knows-what-all behind the furnace t' get t' the crawlspace openin'.

Wish me luck, friends. I'm up against sum badass rodents or mebbe even a bigass racoon.

Yores trooly,

"True Allegiance to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second, Queen of Canada"

(Whooee!) JimBobby's happy as Larry that Iggy didn't win. Now, there's a little tempest in Ezra Levant's teapot over Stephane Dion's dual citizenship. JimBobby's alter ego, James Robert, has some views on dual citizenship.

Somewhere, in the whole dual citizenship controversy, we should be looking at the citizenship oath. Dion, presumably, never swore an oath of allegiance to France. Like most native born Canadians, however, he could quite likely have reached the age of 52 without ever swearing an oath of allegiance to Canada.

American school children are required to pledge their allegiance to the US every morning while they stand facing the stars and stripes with their hands over their hearts. Yet, Ezra seems to have no problem with Alberta separatist and dual US-Canadian citizen Ted Morton. If Morton was educated in the US public school system he will have pledged his allegiance to the US approximately 1500 times. When he became a Canadian, he would have pledged his allegiance to Canada just once.

Once, though, is one more time than most Canadians who can go their entire lives without ever swearing an oath to their birth country.

Most Canadians probably do not even know the oath that “new Canadians” must swear to be granted Canadian citizenship. Here it is:


I swear (or affirm) that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second, Queen of Canada, Her Heirs and Successors, and that I will faithfully observe the laws of Canada and fulfil my duties as a Canadian citizen.

Foreign-born Canadian citizens have all taken that oath. This includes a number of elected MP’s.

The optics are poor. Dion should renounce his French citizenship — even if he never asked for it. It may be a non-issue in Quebec but I think TROC could be understandably queasy about a PM with dual citizenship - regardless of the second country or the circumstances.

BTW, does anyone see anything weird about our oath? Canadians are not pledging their allegiance to Canada but to the Queen of Canada. I posit that most Canadians think of Elizabeth II as the Queen of England and few (other than those taking the oath) even realize that we have a Queen of Canada. I know for a fact that some landed immigrants do not ever become Canadian citizens because of the fact that they do not recognize the superiority of royal birth and feel it has no place in a modern democracy.

James Robert

(Most of this post was originally written as a comment at StageLeft. James Robert is as lazy as JimBobby.)

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Iggy Ain't My Man

Whooee! Well friends, I ain't a Liberal Party member or supporter so I ain't weighed in much on this here leadership race they got goin' on down in Montreal. Now that it's down t' the wire, I'm throwin' in my two-cents-worth.

I hope Iggy don't win. There's a couplafew others I hope don't win, too, so I ain't one o' these Anybody But Iggy guys. Guys like Volpe don't stand a chance anyways so I ain't gonna worry much 'bout them gettin' in. I do gotta worry 'bout Ig gettin' in an' I sure as hell don't like the idea.

First off, I better tell why I think it matters who rides herd on the Grits. The way the 'pinion polls is goin', the Liberals got a dang good chance o' gettin' back in power. That means whoever they got on the top o' their heap could end up as Canadee's next pryminister. That's howcum I give two shits an' howcum I don't wanna see an egghead expatriate leadin' the Liberals.

Igster jest ain't liberal enuff, sez I. I can't get past the way he backed up Dubya's illegal invasion of EyeRack. An' when he mushes up his words an' purty much gives his seal of approval t' torturin', well, how can he even be a contender?

Ignatieff ain't in touch with Canadee. He's been settin' up in that ivory tower down in Boston, Massachusettes, USA fer 'bout 30 years. Even if he sez he was always payin' attention t' what's happenin' in Canadee, it ain't the same as livin' here. An' it ain't like he was sum sorta exile. He left Canadee fer greener pastures an' fame an' glory.

I got me a nayber who useta be a Merkin. He an' his kin moved here 'bout the same time as Iggy moved t' Merka, 30-odd years ago. My nayber's a newshound - mebbe even more'n me. I asked ol' Bob if he'd ever move back down south. He sed he don't feel like a Merkin anymore an' if he was t' move back t' his home an' native land, he'd feel like a foreigner. Merkins use words like "foreigner" more'n Canajuns so I reckon he ain't completely cured, yet.

I figger it's the same fer Iggy. He's been away so long he's sorta like a foreigner. There ain't nuthin' wrong with foreigners but they oughta pay sum dues before they wanna be pryminister, sez I.

A fight between Iggy an' Harpoon'd be a battle o' the eggheads an' I don't reckon too many real-life Canajuns wanna listen t' 6 weeks o' that sorta crappola. Anyway, with all his war-lovin', torture-condonin' an' Q-beck asskissin', Iggy ain't the right guy fer the job.

Yores trooly,

Monday, November 27, 2006

Blogger Threatened by Troll "jeff" Quits Blogging

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, there's sum bad shit goin' down in the Canajun boogeysphere involvin' the uber-troll who calls hisself "jeff". Here's most o' what Mike, a victim o' jeff, sez this mornin' -
I'm done.

That's it. I'm not doing this any more. I thought I had some good debates and had fun over the last two years in the blogshpere, but no more. This morning I received an e-mail from fellow blogger 'jeff' in which he threatened to do an 'expose' on me, that he would be publishing my personal information like my address and phone number and that he would be contacting - and I quote - my 'wife and\or children' to tell them about me.

Well, blogging is fun, but I won't endanger my privacy or the privacy of my family. I will no longer be making any posts or comments. It is simply not worth it. In the end, I have better things to do with my time than engage in online vendettas or even fights involving lawyers and cops.

I could fight this, and quite effectively (and I still might have to if the threats are carried out), but that would be too much of a distraction from my private and professional life. I've done the cost-benefit analysis and I have decided that the fight is simply not worth it.

There 'jeff' you won. Happy? Your the king of the internet trolls. Enjoy your reign. I am done with you and this whole thing.

Yeow! How 'bout sum smart feller or gal does an expose-eh on this here boogin' bully jeff?

Monday, November 20, 2006

A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's Kyoto for?

Whooee! I been stewin' on this here Kyoto bizness fer a while now. I reckon mebbe the ConMen an' that purty gal with the big hair ain't heard 'bout how havin' bigass goals leads t' achievement.

Back in the olden days in Merrie Olde Englande, there was this here poet feller. You mighta heard of 'im -- Robert Browning. Well, ol' Bob Browning had hisself a good line that goes like this --

“Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?”

When I looked up that line jest now (which I first learnt from my ol' Mum 'bout 50 years ago when I was 'bout 7 years old), there was an interpretation fer lazyasses an' illiterates who can't figger out things fer themselves. Here's what they sed 'bout that famous line --

"Words from a poem by Robert Browning, suggesting that, to achieve anything worthwhile, a person should attempt even those things that may turn out to be impossible."

Makes sense, sez I.

I'd like t' be a better piano player. I jest got me a new keyboard an' I practice 'bout an hour a day. I'm sorta old fer piano lessons an' practicin' but I'm reachin' fer excellence, even if my grasp only lets me achieve mediocrity. My goals may be unachievable but I'll be a better piano player than if I din't set any goals at all.

I notice ol' King Steve is stickin' with the Afghan mission. Everybuddy an' their dog knows that a military solution ain't possible. The generals say so an' so does Minister O'Connor. The goal is t' create a shinin' beacon o' democracy in the MidEast. It ain't gonna happen. The best we're hopin' fer now is sum modest improvements an' a bit o' personal security. Since the original goal has proven t' be completely unachievable, howcum they don't reckon we oughta quit like we quit the unachievable Kyoto deal?

Yores trooly,

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Globe Insider Edition - FREE ACCESS

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I'm gonna let you in on a way t' read the Mop & Pail's Insider columns without shellin' out any o' yer hard earned dough t' Bell-GlobeMedia. I figger I pay the Bell enuff with my ExpressVu an' my Sympatico an' my telephone. Once in a while on a Saturday, I pick up the paper at the corner store.

Here's how t' read them 'pinion pieces by fellers an' gals like Johnny Ibbotson an' JeffBoy Simpson an' ChristieGal Blatchford an' any o' the Globe's other high-priced pundidiots.
  • Go to the front page o' the Globe.
  • Click on one o' them Insiders Only links.

  • They'll give you a teaser.

    Select the firstest sentence an' copy it t' yer clipboard by doin' Ctrl+C or Right-click+Copy.
  • Go to Google News.

    Paste that firstest sentence in the search field by goin' Ctrl+V or Right-click+Paste.

    IMPORTANT!! Put double quotes around the sentence. Click the search button an' yer gonna get probbly jest one search result. Click it.

  • Yer an insider!

    Yer gonna be able t' read the Insider column but you ain't gonna be able t' read the comments or t' make comments. Whaddya want fer free?

I reckon this might jest end up like Google an' YouTube once the Globe's lawyers read my little boog story.

Yores trooly,

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Krazy Kim vs. Dumbass Dubya

Whooee! This whole Dubya vs. the Axis of Evil thing is ironic, sez I.

On the one side, you got North Korea. They’re probbly the biggest isolationists in the whole world. They repress their people an’ they spend too much money on their military an’ not enuff on their citizens’ welfare. They operate outta fear o’ the Merkins.

On the other side, you got what’s s’posed t’ be the world’s most open democracy an’ a champion o’ free trade an’ human rights. They say they wanna spread their brand o’ democracy t’ places like Afghanny, Iraq, Iran, N.Korea.

Now, if Merka’s winnin’ then North Korea’d be lookin’ more open an’ democratic an’ it’d be spendin’ less on atom bombs an’ more on food an’ medicine. That ain’t happenin’.

If North Korea’s winnin’ then the Merkins’d be lookin’ more isolationist an’ they’d be increasin’ their military spendin’ an’ reducin’ what they spend on keepin’ their citizens well-fed an’ healthy. They’d be tryin’ t’ be more like the North Koreans.

That’s what’s been happenin’ under GWB. The Merkins ain’t been successful at spreadin’ democracy. They been adoptin’ the selfsame sorta policies them there Evil AxGrinders is usin'.
  • They wanna build walls ’round Merka;
  • They been on a military spendin’ spree while their food supply is gettin’ E.Coli;
  • They been passin’ laws limitin’ freedom o’ speech an’ the press;
  • They been lockin’ up people without trials or charges;
  • They been legalizin’ torture;
  • They been tightenin’ up the trade laws an’ makin’ it tuffer fer Canajuns t’ sell ‘em our beef an’ 2×4’s;
  • The number o’ Merkins without healthcare has gone up along with number gettin’ killed in Iraq;
  • They been workin’ on a new generation o’ smaller nuclear weapons;
  • They’re showin’ less’n'less respect fer other countries an’ scoff at the UN.
So, who’s winnin’? Have the Merkins made any progress turnin’ them Axis nations inta sumpin’ like Merka? Or, has Merka turned itself inta sumpin’ more closely resemblin’ North Korea?

Yores trooly,

Monday, October 16, 2006

Sugar Bob Rae vs. King Steve Harper

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I reckon I'll make my prediction on who's gonna win this here horse race fer Grit Boss. I figger Bobby Rae's the one'll come out on top. He'll end up beholden t' sum ABI king makers, though. I seen a 'pinion poll sez Rae's the favourite among Canajun folks but not delegates -- so far.

Iggy's too eggheaded t' win. Sum numbnutses don't care if a leader's right or wrong jest so long as they're decisive. Lookit the Merkins. Ig's a flip-flopper. I still ain't sure if he's backed away from sayin' the Iraq invasion was a good idea. Kofi Annan sed it was a crime against international law. How's Iggy square with that? His ideas 'bout torture make me queasy, too. He ain't liberal enuff t' lead the Liberals, sez I.

Here in Ontariariario, folks don't like Rae much and that'll help Harpoon in the next election, no two ways. Rae can probbly spin the history o' when he ruled the roost in Ontariariario an' he's flyin' the Liberal banner, now, instead o' the DippyWip flag. That'll help sum.

When Bobby Rae was premier, he was hit with sum bad economic times an' they weren't all his fault since the whole world was havin' the selfsame sorta troublems an' Noo York City even almost went tits-up. Bobby lost the support o' the namby-pambiest of all o' the damn unions -- the teachers union. When he asked them layabouts t' work one day a month fer no pay, they turned on 'im like a pack o' wild dogs. It's all on accounta them teachers we got saddled with Mike the Knife an' that greaseball Ernie.

I reckon the good news fer the Cons in Ontariariario is gonna be balanced out by the bad news in Q-beck an' mebbe in Newfie, too. Then again, Bobby's the boy fer keepin' the Jewish vote an' also fer gettin' the anti-war vote. There's plenty o' them type voters in Ontariariario, so mebbe it won't be so great fer the HarpoonTossers.

Yores trooly,

Thursday, August 10, 2006

More War Shit

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, here I go again pastin' a comment I made on sumbuddy's boog inta my own little boog. Over t' BigCityLib Strikes Back the BigCityFeller is boogin' on the troublems with the IDF's strategy. The BCL writer's wond'rin' if mebbe the IDF's got it's head up its ass or mebbe it's bein' led by polyticians who ain't got a clue 'bout winnin' wars.

I reckon the IDF's biggest troublem is that they brought a shotgun to a knife fight... an' they ain't exactly Annie Oakley in the marksmanship department. Now that they finally seen their bombs don't stop rocket-tossers an' only make more innocent victims sympathize with the rotten hezballers, they're sendin' in the foot soldiers.

This ain't the part that's flawed. This is the way they can engage the bad guys an' fight 'em. The ground forces has been doin' a whole helluvalot better'n the bombers when it comes t' civilian:hezballer kill ratio.

They woulda liked it if they coulda bombed the crap outta innocent Lebanese an' got most o' the hezballers while they was at it. Ever since they pulled out in 2000, the IDF's had south Leb under near constant aerial surveillance. They shoulda knowed they wasn't gonna win by bombin' babies. But, dang it all, they figgered it was worth a try... and who's gonna give a rat's ass if a few hunnert human shields die in the dumbass experiment?

I been sayin' since the start, these people gettin' killed is human bein's.

Yesterday in a letter t' the editor o' my local rag, sum shitferbrains was callin' on Israel t' level south Leb t' the ground an' kill all the "rodents" livin' there.

The Hezballers's been buildin' schools an' teachin' their kiddies that the Israelis is a buncha baby eaters.

Both sides got an easier time killin' civilians when they figger they ain't quite human.

I been doin' a lot o' readin' in Ha'aretz. There's a growin' buncha Israelis who's askin' why their bigass, well-oiled, Merkin-financed mighty military machine ain't put a dent in the number o' rockets comin' in. Shee-it! Up until the IDF started in with its measured response on July 12, there was hardly any rockets comin' in. Now, they got hunnerts a day.

Israelis is also askin' 'bout the motivation fer this here war.

Sum Israelis an' sum other pundidiots sez it's the Merkins pullin' the strings in Israel an' the Iranians pullin' the hezballers' strings -- a proxy war between the Merkins an ' Iran bein' fought at the expense o' Lebanon.

Well, no great loss fer Cheney an' his buds. Halliburton'll be first in line when the rebuildin' contracts get let out. This war's good business fer the Merkins. They sell bombs t'Israel; then, they give aid t' Lebanon t' help rebuild an' jest like in Iraq, it'll be Merkin pockets gettin' lined when that there rebuildin' starts up.

Yores trooly,

Saturday, August 05, 2006

What if the Lesser Antilles was bein’ overrun by badass space monsters?

Over t' StageLeft, I seen sumbuddy askin' hypothetical questions like “What would there be calls for if Israel was being overrun by its foes?”

The main topic was 'bout whether or not "everybody hates the Jews." I reckon I got off topic when I seen that "what if..." crappola.

What if the Lesser Antilles was bein’ overrun by badass space monsters?

I got a few “what-if’s”, myself.

  • What if a million people was made homeless an’ 1000 was killed an’ they was mostly kids an’ babies?

  • What if yer pryminister sez that’s alrightyfine with him?

  • What if Israel kills 40 civilians fer every one killed by their enemy?

  • What if the IDF an’ IAF is so damned incompetent that they keep makin’ one “mistake” after anuther?

  • What if the side yer PM chooses t’ back up is usin’ cluster bombs an’ white phosphorus weapons?

  • What if the Israelis bomb red cross ambulances?

  • What if the IAF targets Christian areas of Bayroot an’ kills innocent Christian kiddies an’ makes Lebanese Christians start supportin’ the hezballers?

  • What if the obvious outcome of this here “measured” response is a bigger, stronger buncha hezballers an’ more hate heaped in Israel?

  • What if the bumblin’ nincompoops King Steve an’ Clown Prince Peter is nuthin’ more’n Merkin ass-kissers an’ their “principled” stand ain’t achievin’ nuthin’ but more dead babies?

  • What if a bigass number o’ Israelis themselves was askin’ why the hell their gummint’s bent on self-destruction?

  • What if Israel’s biggest supporters wasn’t gettin’ the whole news on accounta they got their stoopid eyeballs glued t’ Fox News an’ CNN an’ ABC, NBC, CBS, PBS?

  • What if Israel’s biggest newspaper never told it’s readers ’bout the way their side took out a UN post an’ killed 4 UN guys?

  • What if Israel’s justice minister sed everybuddy in south Lebanon is hezballers an’ every one of ‘em is fair game fer killin’ — babies, an’ all?

  • What if the hezballer boss sed his guys’d stop lobbin’ rockets if Israel stopped air strikes?

  • What if two words — immediate ceasefire — from Bush three weeks ago would have saved more’n 1000 lives?
Yores trooly,

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Terrorist Trees Infiltratin' Canadee

Whooee! Over t' StageLeft, my boogin' buddy Balbulican's got hisself a boog story 'bout trees puttin' the kibosh on King Steve's softwood sellout. I left me a comment there an' jest like the lazyass I am, I'm pastin' that there comment in here fer my boog story.

I reckon it might jest be a co-inkydink but there’s been a few trees fallin’ down on Canajuns an’ killin’ ‘em, lately. Them trees is notorious fer causin’ property damage, too. How ’bout we get the gummint t’ declare trees is a terrist organization an’ ban ‘em from Canadee?

Them trees has been contributin’ t’ evil-doin’ fer ages, too. When ol’ Jayzus was nailed t’ the cross, whaddya reckon that there cross was made outta? Sum sorta tree, that’s what. An’ who ain’t heard o’ the Cedars o’ Lebanon? It ain’t jest anuther co-inkydink that there’s a pitcher of a tree on the Lebanese flag. Them Lebanese trees is hezballers, no two ways. What about that there “Cedar Revolution”? Trees rabble-rousin’, as usual.

Nobuddy likes shady characters an’ trees is ’bout as shady as they come.

Sum o’ the worst trees is them with dual citizenship like the Norway Spruce, Japanese Maple, American Elm an’ Scotch Pine. Who can trust ‘em if they won’t break their ties t’ the old country? Who needs ‘em bringin’ their ancient quarrels over t’ Steve’s peaceable kingdom?

An’ don’t even get me started on Africa. They call it the Dark Continent on accounta all the shade in them there jungles.

It also ain’t no co-inkydink that trees is where bushy-tailed ratsquirrels make their nests an’ organize their terrist cells with their feller-traveler raccoons.

Yores trooly,

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Hezballers an' Israel Lookin' fer the Same Thing - A Bigger War

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, here I go again copyin' an' pastin' from a comment I left sumwhere's else. This is from a comment I left over at Toni Zerb's boog.

I reckon there's sum numbnutses who don't figger Lebanese civilians lives is worth anything. If they are human shields an' the Israelis kill 'em, what's that sayin' 'bout both sides? The hezballers mebbe expect the Israelis t' be civilized enuff that they don't kill innocent babies. The Israelis figger anybuddy who din't read the leaflets an' sumhow figger a way outta the war zone must be a willin' accomplice an' deserves t' die.

Human shields only work if everybuddy agrees they're human. By bombin' an' killin' so many t' get t' so few, Israel sez they ain't real civilians, they ain't human shields, they ain't human. When it gets shoved in their faces that these are babies they're killin', they give the excuse that they regret the unfortunate accident. It weren't any accident. They jest don't care if they kill babies an' by standin' up fer 'em, there's Canajun boogers who's standin' up fer baby-killin'.

Everybuddy's learned over the past couplafew decades that usin' massive air power an' long-range artillery can't defeat a guerilla force. Everybuddy knows that bombin' babies won't stop the hezballers. Everybuddy knows that killin' babies'll only drive more moderates inta the radical camp.

Polarization is what all warrin' sides want. They wanna see who's with 'em an' who ain't. If yer standin' with either side, yer a supporter o' terrism. Hezballers is terrists. They don't deny it, so far as I know. The IAF and IDF is terrists, too, but they deny it with phony claims of "accidents" an' fightin' fer their survival.

The overkill by Israel is designed t' bring more players inta the game. How long does Israel think Syria an' Iran'll stand fer baby-killin'. Shee-it! Even lotsa Israelis is startin' t' march fer peace. Israel needs Syria and/or Iran t' get involved soon so's the lines in the sand'll be clear an' the Merkins an' their lapdogs'll jump in full force.

The hezballers want the same thing. It ain't hezballers callin' fer a cease fire. Both sides wanna make it a bigger war an' they both wanna drag others inta the fray. They din't have much trouble draggin' Bush an' his sycophants in an' they're doin' their damndest t' drag Syria an' Iran in.

If Israel can get some real armies an' air forces t' fight, they might win. If they jest keep bombin' hunnerts o' civilians t' get a piddly few hezballers, they can't win but they can get other players fightin'.

A lastin' peace ain't gonna happen in the Mideast. Makin' a lastin' peace one o' the conditions fer a cease fire is makin' an impossible condition. By insistin' on an impossible condition, Bush/Rice/Harper/Blair make sure the killin' continues. An' lookit the job they done o' bringin' peace t' Iraq an' Afghanistan.

Here's a thought... out in Sasky, they got a child-molester who's holdin' two kiddies. If they was t' kill that sumbitch, he wouldn't molest anymore kiddies. So, if they find out where he's hidin', d'ya figger they oughta blow that town offa the map so's they can stop the peterfile?

When the IRA was plantin' bombs an' killin' London folks, did the UK bomb Dublin? 'Course not. Lotsa Irish supported the IRA. Sinn Fein had representation in gummint. What's different in Lebanon?

Yores trooly,

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Creepy Crawly Pitchers

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I took enuff time off from follerin' the war news yesterday so's I could do sum laundry an' sum other housekeepin' chores. When I brought the clothes in offa the line, I seen this here little wee caterpiller walkin' on one o' my t-shirts. I corraled 'im onta a envelope an' before I set the little feller loose, I figgered I'd take his pitcher. I put the dime next to 'im so's everybuddy can see how teensy he is.

I went lookin' on google fer what the fuzzy thing is an' found out he's a Fall Webworm. I found out it's his bunch that's been buildin' tents in the apple tree.

I done me sum readin' up on these here Fall Webworms an' they sez they ain't too horrible bad fer the trees 'ceptin' how they're ugly lookin'.

Back t' the war...

Yores trooly,

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Ferget the Rules, There's Killin' t' be Done

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, ol' JimBobby ain't been postin' much onta this little boog lately. I been makin' a lot o' comments over t' StageLeft an' now I'm gonna copy an' paste sum o' them comments here. I'm a lazyass, no two ways, an' copy pastin' is sumpin' works fer me.

It’s gettin’ harder an’ harder t’ deny there’s a real pattern emergin’. The whole ding-dong world’s come out fer a ceasefire. The whole world except fer three countries - the US, Israel an’ Canadee. The whole world sees disproportionate retaliation. The whole world except fer three countries - the US, Israel an’ Canadee. Even Tony the Poodle pissed on his master’s pant leg.

When they bomb ambulances with big ol’ red crosses painted on the roof, they’re targetin’ civilians. When they drop cluster bombs an’ white phosphorus weapons, they’re targetin’ civilians. When the Merkin congress votes 410 to 8 in favour o’ speedin’ up delivery o’ bombs t’ Israel, the Merkin congress not ony gives the Israelis a green light t’ keep on doin’ what they’re doin’, it becomes an active participant in the targetin’ of civilians. When Canadee’s Pryminister sez the Israelis is justified in doin’ what they’re doin’ an’ doesn’t even speak up when Canajuns is killed, Canadee is an active participant in the Israeli campaign.

The Merkins got away with usin’ cluster bombs an’ white phosphorus in Fallujah. Nobuddy’s denyin’ it. They jest sez that it ain’t illegal an’ it was justified.

I been readin’ a few Israeli boogs an’ sum op-eds in Haaretz an’ Ynet. There’s a coupla things startin’ t’ get the attention o’ some Israelis. They’re wondrin’ howcum their military ain’t slowed down the rockets. When they got a bigass army with all sortsa intel guys, howcum they ain’t put a bigger dent in the strikin’ power o’ 3000 haff-assed hezballers? Some Israelis is even askin’ why so many Lebanese is bein’ killed when it ain’t gettin’ the job done.

Over here, we’re gettin’ the message that the Merkins is allowin’ Israel t’ do what it’s doin’. Over there, sum Israelis is sayin’ it’s the Merkins callin’ the shots an’ usin’ the IDF as its proxy force against Syria an’ Iran. The Merkins give Israel $15 mil a day in aid that comes back to the Merkins when Israel buys bombs an’ guns from the Merkins. War’s always been good bizness fer guys like Cheney an’ his Halliburton buddyboys.

Condi made a big deal outta the Merkins givin’ Lebanon $30 mil t’ rebuild the damage done by Merkin weapons. They give Israel that same amount every two days.

There’s plenty o’ UN bashers in Merka an’ Canadee, too, who ain’t losin’ any sleep over them 4 pore bastards who got blowed up. Din’t they see the leaflets? What bizness they got hangin’ out in a war zone, anyways? If they’re still there, they gotta be hezballer sympathizers or worse.

Yores trooly,

Monday, July 10, 2006

A Boy Named Steve (Audio - Poem)

Whooee! Well friends, I ain't been boogin' much lately so I ain't sure how many o' my thousands o' readers are gonna hear this here poem I recorded. I made me another mp3 audio boog an' you can listen to it by clickin' right here.

A Boy Named Steve

Pa Harper sent him off to school at three,
Ivory tower life suited the boy to a tee.
The other kids teased him but in the end he got even.
Now, I don't blame him ‘cause he studied hard
And was smartest ass smartass in the whole schoolyard,
When he finally growed up, he became Prime Minister Stephen.

Well, ol’ Stephen had his own private joke
And he got to look down his nose at lots of folk,
When he went to Ottawa and Calgary he was leavin’.
Folks would giggle at his Stetson and laugh at his vest
When he went back out to his home in the west,
But they never called him “Steve”. It was always "Stephen. "

Well, then one day he went down to the States,
Negotiatin’ passports and tariff rates,
And we all heard somethin’ that was hard for us t’ believe.
The Merkin president – name o’ Bush
Went right on t’ shove, never mind push
Ol’ Dubya dubbed Prime Minister Harper “Steve.”

Well, for Stephen, I tell ya, it was the very last straw
That name o’ “Steve” just stuck in his craw,
He searched his massive brain for a way t’ get even.
There’s a limit to what any lapdog can take,
An’ Dubya just made that there limit break,
When he called the Prime Minister “Steve” instead o’ Stephen.

Harpoon knew that snake was a war criminal
But he’d kept it suppressed, sorta subliminal,
He stayed quiet ‘bout Mahmoudiya, Haditha an’ Abu Ghraib.
But calling him “Steve” made Stephen see red,
For a minute he wished Ol’ Georgie was dead
Then Stephen got even by callin’ ol’ Dubya “Babe.”

"Them’s fightin’ words, Steve,” Ol’ Dubya cried out,
He couldn’t believe the nerve of the lout.
"The only one who calls me ‘Babe’ is Laura.”
"Nobody calls me ‘Steve’,” Harper shot back,
Then he reached over and gave Georgie a smack.
"I’m gonna box your ears from here until tomorra.”

I tell ya, I've seen better fights,
Between gals at the bingo on Saturday nights,
Than this dust up ‘tween Harper an’ President Georgie Boy Bush.
Neither boss ever got their hands dirty before,
’Cause they both sent young kids to fight in their wars,
The Bushman came through in the hullabaloo an’ knocked the PM on his tush.

And he said, "Steve, this world is rough,
And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough,
An’ if I wanted to, I could send you off to Gitmo for good.
So I’ll keep callin’ you 'Steve' and you better not squeal,
An’ I’m callin’ the shots now whenever we deal,
Whether that deal is on water or oil or even on soft wood."

Then Bush said, "Now we just had us one hell of a scrap,
But I ain’t gonna blow you Canucks off the map.
Now run along home and remember this when you leave.
You can thank me now and kiss my ass,
But if you wanna come back, cross the border you’ll pass,
And the name you got on your passport better say 'Steve.'"

Well, Harper came home with his tail ‘tween his legs.
The Yanks got the dinner, Canucks got the dregs.
Bush also got a Calgary Stampede belt buckle.
Now whenever the president does up his pants,
He thinks of Upper Canada and also New France,
And an egghead named Steve who cracked at his first taste of American knuckle.

Yores trooly,

Friday, April 21, 2006

Dumbass OPP Tryin' fer Another Ipperwash

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I seen sum dumbass moves in my day. Shee-it! I even made a coupla dumbass moves myself. I'm damned if I can think of any dumbass move more dumbass than what the idjit OPP done yesterday. Let's git one thing straight. These here Six Nations fellers an' gals ain't terrists an' they weren't violent or threatenin' violence when the dumbass OPP decided t' declare war an' come stormin' in before sun-up with all sortsa weapons drawn.

The OPP numbnutses took what was a smalltime troublem an' turned inta a bigtime schmozzle, no two ways. I reckon we'll be forced t' go through all o' the selfsame bullshit we been goin' through when the OPP killed little Dudley George back in '95. That crapplola's still hittin' the fan, fer Chrissakes.

Before yesterday, these Native fellers an' gals was havin' themselves a peaceful blockade. I live purty closeby t' Caledonia an' I been keepin' an' eye on this thing since back at the end o' Febuary when the Six Nations folks sed enuff's enuff an' stopped sum bigass house developer from buildin' houses on land that got given t' the Natives way back in 1784.

Here's the dumbest part. The Confederacy was doin' sum passin' o' the peacepipe with sum gummint folks. The land they're fightin' over is a hunnert an' sum acres. The gummint was offerin' t' trade 6500 acres sumwheres else fer the hunnert an' sum at Douglas Creek. Talks was happenin'. Then the the OPP come ridin' in an' now all talks is off.

Not only that, the protesters was all peaceful before they got attacked in the middle o' the night. Now, they're burnin' down things like bridges an' they're tossin' trucks offa overpasses an' who knows what else. I'm pointin' the finger o' blame right at the dumbass OPP. Sumbuddy oughta get their dumbass fired. Police is supposed t' keep the peace. They ain't supposed t' turn non-violence inta viloence. That's the OPPosite o' what the OPP shoulda done an' whoever ordered that raid should be poundin' the pavement lookin' fer a job as a WalMarket security guard.

Back in '95 when ol' Dudley George got shot dead by the OPP, everybuddy was all confused over who was givin' the orders an' jest lately we hadta go through a bigass inquiry where everybuddy sed they wasn't responsible. I say let's start the Douglas Creek inquiry right now. Today. Ipperwash gave 'em the blueprint. It's fresh in everybuddy's mind right now. The OPP's gotta answer fer turnin' non-violence inta violence. The OPP's gotta answer fer causin' negotiations t' break down.

Nobuddy's got killed in Caledonia, yet. That's jest good luck more'n good management, sez I. Drag the OPP boss inta court. Today. Make'm tell where the orders come from. Today. If they don't get called on the carpet today, sure-as-shit sumbuddy's gonna get killed an' we'll be moanin' 'bout it fer years t' come an' the crookedass lawyers'll come out on top an' the sorryass Natives'll be scratchin' their heads wond'rin' what happened t' their land.

How 'bout Ipperwash? Did the Stony Pointers get their land back? Canajuns oughta all be hangin' our sorryass heads in shame fer the way we walked all over the First Nations who was here first. We got us a national disgrace an' we jest won't admit it. Back in the 60's when anti-Vietnam war protesters was bein' brutalized by the cops an' the TV cameras was turned on, the protesters chanted t' remind everybuddy that "the whole world is watching."

The whole world's watchin' Caledonia. The whole world's gettin' another eyeful o' how Canadee treats its First Nations aboriginal folks. If yer a Ontariariario taxpayer like ol' JimBobby, yer tax money's gettin' spent wagin' war on peaceful Natives. Yer tax money's bein' spent on a fat salary fer sum OPP boss who don't know his ass from a hole in the ground. Yer gummint's been robbin' land from the Natives fer a few hunnert years an' if yer a believer in democracy, then yer responsible fer what yer gummint does. The people - that's you an' me - are boss over the OPP an' not the other way 'round. We gotta hold these warmakers responsible an' we gotta fire their stoopid asses before sumbuddy gets shot.

Yores trooly,

Monday, April 17, 2006

Steve From The West - (Song, MP3 audio-boog)

Whooee! Well friends, it's been ages since I done any boogin'. I ain't got any good excuse 'cept fer plain ol' laziness. I'm hopin' t' make up fer my lack o' boog stories lately with a little song I recorded all 'bout our bran' new Pryminister Stevie Harpoon. You can download the MP3 audio boog if you jest click here.

Steve From The West

Didya ever hear tell of ol' Steve from the west,
Who thought the Conservative Party was best?
He won the election with jest enuff seats,
An' the crooked ol' Lib'ruls went down to defeat.

Singin' toorili-oorali-oorali-eh.

Ol' Steve sed he never would do stuff like them,
Now that he's got the initials, "P.M."
Make the gummint accountable, that's what he'll do,
But I'm won'drin' who it's accountable to.

Singin' toorili-oorali-oorali-eh.

The voters don't matter in Emerson's case,
He ran fer the Lib'ruls an' he won his race.
To the shock o' the voters, t' the Tories he switched.
Now, the winners is losers, thanks t' that sunnobitch.

Singin' toorili-oorali-oorali-eh.

Ol' Steve was a-stumpin' on Senate reform,
An unelected upper house jest ain't the norm.
As soon as he's bossman, t' the voters' dismay,
Harpoon made a Senator outta Michael Fortier.

Singin' toorili-oorali-oorali-eh.

Now Steve's in the engine and not the caboose,
But wouldn'tcha know, he's got an excuse,
If he don't get it done, then it's easy t' see,
The blame's on the voters fer the minority.

Singin' toorili-oorali-oorali-eh.

Ol' Stevie went over t' the Merkin side,
Where he an' the Bushman went on a horse ride.
Stevie got tips on supportin' the troops,
An' Georgie got someone t' buy his horse poop.

Singin' toorili-oorali-oorali-eh.

I hear we got troublems with another mad cow,
Steve's friendship with George'll be tested now.
Can Steve sell our cattle an' spruce two-by-fours,
Or do we keep on knock-knockin' on Georgie-boy's door?

Singin' toorili-oorali-oorali-eh.

We also got troublems with crime an' with guns,
Steve sez he'll get tuff an' the bad guys should run.
The shoot-em-up bad boys face incarceration,
An' to show 'em he means it, he scraps gun registration.

Well fellers an' gals, that's the end o' my song.
I hope you enjoyed it. It didn't last long.
In this here democracy, we deserve what we git,
Horsepuckey, polyticks an' plain ol' bullshit.

Singin' toorili-oorali-oorali-eh.

Once again, fellers an' gals, click right here t' getcherself an earful o' JimBobby.

Yores trooly,

Friday, February 10, 2006

To the Barricades!

Whooee! Well friends, we got us a bigass troublem in the democratic deficit department. Shee-it! It ain't jest a deficit. It's bankruptcy. We got us a new gummint that ain't got ant respect fer votin' Canajuns. We got us a pryminister who's thumbin' his big beak at each an' every one of us. We got us a new minster who was "obviously very disillusioned" with the Liberals, accordin' t' PeteyBoy Mackay. Horsepuckey, sez I. Emerson sez he woulda stayed a Grit if the Grit woulda won. That sure as hell don't sound like he was all disillusioned.

An' we got Stevie Wonderboy appointin' polytickle backroom boy Mikefeller Fortier t' the Senate. I thought Harpoon sed Fortier was gonna run in sum by-election soon but Fortier sez he ain't got any intention o' goin' through the hassle o' runnin' fer a seat. Hell! Why should he? Our dictator-in-chief sez this whole votin' thing don't really mean nuthin'.

Over in Ukraine a couple years back, they had a bad case o' election fraud. The voters voted one way but the gummint sed they wasn't gonna get their way. That started up a little thing called the Orange Revolution. I reckon Canajuns might needta have a Orange Revolution of our own if the HarpoonTossers don't smarten up.

Emerson's gotta resign. He's outta touch with reality. He can try his luck in a by-election. I'm not bettin' on him.

Fortier's gotta run in a by-election. I wouldn't bet on him, neither.

Pallister's gotta come clean on his expenses an' whether he's been usin' the wrong money fer fundin' his provincial leadership campaign.

O'Conner's gotta smooth sum feathers in the lobbyist-as-minister department.

Harpoon's gotta tell Canajuns he's sorry as hell he din't pay any attention t' what they voted fer an' he's gonna start doin' all the clean an' different changifyin' he sed he was gonna do.

If Harpoon won't set up an' notice when there's thousands o' Canajun signatures on multiple petitions then the onliest thing left is fer democracy-lovin' Canucks t' take t' the streets. Let's give 'em till Spring springs in Ottywa.

Yores trooly,

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Jesus Cartoons

Whooee! Well friends, there's a shitstorm ragin' an' it's all 'bout sum dumbass cartoons. I heard lotsa fellers say that they seen all sortsa Jesus cartoons an' it din't bother 'em any an' there weren't any embassies burnt down on accounta Jesus cartoons. I reckon that's on accounta Jesus was a turn-the-other-cheek sorta feller an' these other guys is more death-to-the-infidels types.

I ain't got too much t' say 'bout the Danish cartoons or the shitstorm they started. It might be better if the Danish fellers stick t' makin' them there pastries. I reckon the ovens'll be hot enuff in them embassies.

So, I found me a few Jesus cartoons an' I figger I'll share 'em here an' see if anybuddy's embassy gets burned down.







Well, I only got a haff-dozen an' the Danish pastry boys had a whole 12 so mebbe the reaction t' these won't be so big.

Yores trooly,

Same Old, Same Old...

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I reckon ol' Stevie Harpoon done dropped his spear an' stabbed hisself in the foot on his very firstest day as Pryminister o' Canadee. Shee-it!

I thought I heard the HarpoonTosser say accountability was gonna be top priority when the he moved inta the driver's seat. Turns out he was only foolin'. Where's the accountability fer Michael Fortier? Nobuddy elected Fortier as dog-catcher or anything else but Harpoon went an' appointed the CPC campaign backroom boy t' the Retirement Home fer Friends o' Pryministers, the Senate o' Canadee. Harpoon was all against appointin' Senators an' greasy backroom wheelie-deals when he was on the outside throwin' stones at Fartin' Martin. Now, he's makin' unelected CPC bigwigs cabinet ministers an' he's doin' it by appointin' 'em t' the ding-dong senate.

Canadee's electoral system ain't perfect, by a long stretch, but one thing we oughta have goin' fer us is knowin' we gotta sum say at the ballot box. Fortier jest got hisself inta a powerful cabinet post without campaignin' an' without a single Canajun castin' a vote fer his sorryass. I sez it makes ol' JimBobby's blood boil when I see Harpoon actin' all dictator-like. Yeow!

An' what about this here David Emerson bullshit? Crimony sakes, the numbnuts was elected by dumbass Liberal voters t' represent 'em. Now, he's turned inta sumpin' he was all against an' the pore Vancouver voters is s'posed t' set there an' take it on the chin. I'm wonderin' sumpin' I heard sum other fellers wonderin' 'bout. When, exactly, did Harpoon an' Emerson start talkin' turkey? Was the treachery happenin' before the election? Was there a firm offer t' Emerson of a cabinet post if he danced across the floor? Did he act on principles or is he an opportunistic whore? Did anybuddy make a secret recordin' o' the negotiations? If he ain't gonna represent them that voted fer 'im, who is he accountable to?

Last time I posted up a boog story, I sed I was gonna wait fer sum dust t' settle before makin' any judgments on the HarpoonTossers. Well, sum dust has cleared an' the new guys is lookin' a lot like the old guys - jest not as experienced. Give 'em time. Reminds me o' ol' Georgie Orwell's Animal Farm story where they end up not bein' able t' tell the difference 'tween pigs an' people.

Yores trooly,

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Waitin' fer the Dust t' Settle

Whooee! Well friends, it's been a whole week since Stevie Harpoon and his gang o' HarpoonTossers got elected t' lead our home an' native land. I sed before that I ain't afraid o' the HarpoonTossers. They only got a minority an' all o' the opposin' parties is more socially pergressive than the Cons.

Sure, they'll huff an' puff an' mebbe even have a free vote on selfsame sexy marryin' but they can't win an' all they'll do by tryin' is show everybuddy that they don't mind wastin' valuable legislative time dredgin' up stuff that's already been decided. Shee-it! It shouldn't never o' taken so long last year. Why the Jeezuz would anybuddy wanna go through that again?

I gotta kick outta Stevie when he went after that numbnuts Davy Wilkins the Merkin Ambassador. Stevie's got hisself a fine line t' walk. He campaigned on bein' buddy-buddy with the Merkins an' he's already been yammerin' on the phone with BushFeller an' they sez they're gonna get along better'n BushBoy did with Polly Wolly Fartin' Martin. Mebbe tellin' the Merkins t' steer clear o' Canadee's sovereign arctic waters ain't gonna go over too shit hot down in Washington. Guess we'll see.

I'm hopin' the HarpoonTosser can deliver on that there softwood 2x4 dealie. Bush might at least lissen t' sumbuddy who's wearin' a conservative name tag. Jest by bein' a Liberal, Martin din't stand a chance o' gettin' anywhere in BushLand.

I reckon Stevie'll be put t' the test on this here mad cow thingy, too.

I'm glad t' see the crooked Liberals get slapped down a little an' sent off t' cool their heels in the polytickle wilderness. The big question folks is askin' is who's gonna take over from the ditherin' idjit. Now that ol' Frankie McKenna sez he's out, it's anybuddy's guess. Sum pundidiots sez B-Linda's gotta chance. Bullshit, sez I. Mebbe in 5 or 10 years. Mebbe. The Newfie Brian Tobin might get in.

Ol' Justus Gomery's comin' out with his report tomorrow from what I hear tell. Here's what I'm wonderin'. If Harpoon an' Laydown an' the CheeseHat woulda waited until the day after tomorrow t' bring down the house, what would the seat count look like? I reckon they had a premature evacuation o' the house last November. I betcha if they'd o' waited the Tosser's team coulda pulled off a majority. I ain't sayin' that's what I'd o' wanted but only that the opposition went off too soon.

Anyways, I reckon we gotta give the HarpoonTossers a chance. What choice do we got? If they do good, mebbe they'll get a majority next time. If they don't get the 2x4's an' mad cows straightened out an' the Canajun economy goes down the pooper, they'll get their sorryasses turfed out.

All my kiddies is over 6 an' Ma an' I are feelin' left out in the beer an' popcorn allowance money department. I reckon $200 a month ain't too bad. Fer that kinda dough, I could buy me a used minnyvan. A minnyvan'll hold 'bout 8 kiddies. Strap 'em in, lock it up an' yer daycare worries is over. If yer livin' anywheres 'cept Ontariariario, you can tie a pitbull up t' the minnyvan fer security.

Yores trooly,

Monday, January 23, 2006

Election Day an' I'm Votin' Green

Whooee! Well friends, I been fallin' down on the bloggin' job an' I ain't got much excuse. Alls I'm doin' now is tellin' everybuddy where ol' JimBobby intends t' mark an X when I go over t' the Lions Club tonight an' cast my ballot.

I'm votin' fer the gal who's runnin' fer the Greens. She ain't gotta snowball's chance in hell o' winnin'. That's the selfsame story with most o' the Greenies though I did hear tell that there's a coupla ridin's where they got haff a chance. The GreenFeller who's runnin' up in Ottywa where ol' EdFeller Broadbent jest retired figgers he might get hisself elected. There's anuther Greenie out in BC who they sez has a chance, too. I ain't holdin' my breath. This here firstest-past-the-post setup we got is all good fer regional outfits like the separatist BlocHeads an' the HarpoonTossers but it don't work too shit hot fer parties like the Greens.

There's a good feller runnin' fer the Greens out in Alberty who calls hisself the Herbinator. Ol' Herbie posted up sum good reasons fer votin' Green an' I'm copyin' 'em here:

Top 10 Reasons to Vote Green on Monday
  1. I want to feel good about my vote. I want to vote for someone, not against someone.
  2. The Green Party has the best platform. The Green Party platform has earned positive reviews in the media, has done well under analysis by non-partisan organizations.
  3. My great grandchildren will be proud of me. I want them to have a sustainable future, a green economy, and better democracy.
  4. I want my vote to have an impact on the legislative agenda of the next parliament. MPs will spend the next session trying to look good for the next election, so they will be looking at who they lost votes to. Vote Green and Green priorities will set the agenda.
  5. People are saying good things about the Green Party.
  6. I am nobody's fool. I refuse to let Martin, Harper, Layton or Duceppe think he can scare me into "strategically" voting for him just for not being the worst among them.
  7. Green Parties around the world get elected, govern countries, and make the world a better place.
  8. Whoever I vote for will get $ 1.75 in public funding, per vote, per year. I feel good about the Green Party putting it to good use defending my values.
  9. I am socially progressive, fiscally responsible, and committed to environmental sustainability - just like the Green Party.
  10. One hundred and thirty nine years of Liberal and Conservative governments. Albert Einstein said it best: "The significant problems of our time are not going to be solved by the same level of thinking that got us into them."

Alls I can say is I ain't gonna be too worried if the HarpoonTossers get in with a minority. If they was t' get a majority, I s'pose I'd fret sum. Shee-it! with a majority, we'd be stuck with 'em fer 5 years, mebbe.

It's sure as hell lookin' like the sun'll come up tomorrow on a Pryminister Stevie Harpoon. The main part t' keep in mind is that the sun'll still come up. It ain't gonna be the end o' the world. Leastwise, I'm purty sure it ain't.

Yores trooly,

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Five Weird Things 'bout JimBobby

Whooee! Well friends, I ain't been puttin' my peterpointer t' the 'puter enuff, lately. A coupla my boogin' buddies is out t' make work fer ol' JimBobby an' they tagged my ass in this here boogin' game where the tagged booger's got t' tell everybuddy 5 offbeat things 'bout his sorry self. The fellers who tagged me was Ricky Barnes an' Billfeller Doskoch. Thankee, fellers.

Here goes:
  1. I start in wearin' the long Stanfields in October an' leave off with the longies an' go back t' jest wearin' the briefs in March.

  2. I ain't afraid o' Stephen Harper. Sum folks don't probbly figger there's anything weird 'bout that. Well, I can tell you fer a fact (I sorta stole that "fer a fact" stuff from Polly Wolly Fartin' Martin) that here in the wild hinterlands o' southwestern Ontariariario, there's lotsa folks who sez they ARE scared o' the HarpoonTosser. The reason I ain't all shaky 'bout the prospects o' Harpoon's numbnutses gettin' elected is on accounta I got sum faith in Canajuns. Sure, we might get a Conservative gummint fer a spell but, dangit, there's still gonna be enuff social pergressives t' stop the pontificators from turnin' back the clock. The dirty Grits need a whippin', too, an' the onliest ones who can turf 'em offa the hill is the throwbacks.

  3. Speakin' o' throwbacks, I got similar eatin' habits t' ol' Spot my coalie dog. Ol' Spot eats from north t' south. If you was t' look at his bowl when he's half-done eatin' you'd see the north half is clean as a whistle an' the south half ain't been touched yet. Ma sez he takes after me an' she might be right 'cept I eat my supper from south t' north. When I go out on nail-poundin' jobs, I always try t' be systematic an' thorough. I reckon that's what I'm doin' with the plate o' beans, too.

  4. I walk funny an' my toes point in on accounta my feet is sorta banana-shaped an' I gotta hard time findin' shoes an' boots t' fit my goofy feet.

  5. The weirdest thing 'bout JimBobby is that I don't really exist 'cept in the Canajun boogeysphere. That gets sorta extra weird when I'm settin' here wonderin' if JimBobby don't really exist, then who in the hell is sayin' so? That sorta brings in all sortsa metaphysics an' also sum stray thoughts concernin' multiple personality disorder. Hmmm... mebbe I oughta leave off on the early-mornin' dope smokin'.
Okay, that's sum o' the weird things 'bout JimBobby. Now, I can do sum taggin' o' my own an' I'm taggin' Rick Mercer. Mercer's boog don't allow comments so I ain't sure if he'll know he's been tagged. If any o' my thousands o' readers wanna mention t' Mercerfeller that I tagged his sorry ass, jest send an email over t'

Yores trooly,

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Dark as a Dungeon

Whooee! Well, friends, there's bad news 'bout them there pore fellers who was trapped in that there coal mine down in West Virginny. When I toddled off t' my sleepy-bye last night 'round 12:30, the CTV Newsnet was sayin' they'd found 12 o' the 13 miners alive. My mornin' paper sed they was dead but I told Ma that weren't so. I flipped over t' the CNN last night, too, an' they was sayin' the same as CTV that there was 12 fellers alive. Now, it turns out there's only one alive an' he's doin' poorly. It's a damn shame, no two ways, when a workin' feller hasta risk life an' limb t' make a livin'.

Back a long time ago, sumbuddy (I ain't sure who) wrote a song 'bout diggin' coal an' it come t' mind jest now. Here's the words:

Dark as a Dungeon

Come all you young fellows so young and so fine
And seek not your fortune way down in the mine
It will form like a habit and seep in your soul
Till the stream of your blood flows as black as the coal

It's dark as a dungeon and damp as the dew
The danger is doubled and the pleasures are few
Where the rain never falls and the sun never shines
It's dark as a dungeon way down in the mine

There's many a man I have seen in my day
Who lived just to labor his whole life away
Like the fiend with his dope and the drunkard his wine
A man can have lust for the lure of the mine


Oh when I am dead and the ages shall roll
My body will blacken and turn into coal
Then I'll look from the door of my heavenly home
And pity the miner a-digging my bones


I'm gonna try singin' it an' I'll post up a MP3 if I can.

UPDATE: Well, I made a mp3 audio recordin' o' me singin' that there tune an' I'm dedicatin' it t' them pore fellers an' their pore families.

I don't reckon anybuddy from West Virginny reads my little boog but I'm sendin' out my sympathy anyways. It's a heartbreakin' story. 'Specially, when they thought the fellers was alive an' now they're all dead 'cept fer the one.

Yores trooly,