Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Waitin' fer the Dust t' Settle

Whooee! Well friends, it's been a whole week since Stevie Harpoon and his gang o' HarpoonTossers got elected t' lead our home an' native land. I sed before that I ain't afraid o' the HarpoonTossers. They only got a minority an' all o' the opposin' parties is more socially pergressive than the Cons.

Sure, they'll huff an' puff an' mebbe even have a free vote on selfsame sexy marryin' but they can't win an' all they'll do by tryin' is show everybuddy that they don't mind wastin' valuable legislative time dredgin' up stuff that's already been decided. Shee-it! It shouldn't never o' taken so long last year. Why the Jeezuz would anybuddy wanna go through that again?

I gotta kick outta Stevie when he went after that numbnuts Davy Wilkins the Merkin Ambassador. Stevie's got hisself a fine line t' walk. He campaigned on bein' buddy-buddy with the Merkins an' he's already been yammerin' on the phone with BushFeller an' they sez they're gonna get along better'n BushBoy did with Polly Wolly Fartin' Martin. Mebbe tellin' the Merkins t' steer clear o' Canadee's sovereign arctic waters ain't gonna go over too shit hot down in Washington. Guess we'll see.

I'm hopin' the HarpoonTosser can deliver on that there softwood 2x4 dealie. Bush might at least lissen t' sumbuddy who's wearin' a conservative name tag. Jest by bein' a Liberal, Martin din't stand a chance o' gettin' anywhere in BushLand.

I reckon Stevie'll be put t' the test on this here mad cow thingy, too.

I'm glad t' see the crooked Liberals get slapped down a little an' sent off t' cool their heels in the polytickle wilderness. The big question folks is askin' is who's gonna take over from the ditherin' idjit. Now that ol' Frankie McKenna sez he's out, it's anybuddy's guess. Sum pundidiots sez B-Linda's gotta chance. Bullshit, sez I. Mebbe in 5 or 10 years. Mebbe. The Newfie Brian Tobin might get in.

Ol' Justus Gomery's comin' out with his report tomorrow from what I hear tell. Here's what I'm wonderin'. If Harpoon an' Laydown an' the CheeseHat woulda waited until the day after tomorrow t' bring down the house, what would the seat count look like? I reckon they had a premature evacuation o' the house last November. I betcha if they'd o' waited the Tosser's team coulda pulled off a majority. I ain't sayin' that's what I'd o' wanted but only that the opposition went off too soon.

Anyways, I reckon we gotta give the HarpoonTossers a chance. What choice do we got? If they do good, mebbe they'll get a majority next time. If they don't get the 2x4's an' mad cows straightened out an' the Canajun economy goes down the pooper, they'll get their sorryasses turfed out.

All my kiddies is over 6 an' Ma an' I are feelin' left out in the beer an' popcorn allowance money department. I reckon $200 a month ain't too bad. Fer that kinda dough, I could buy me a used minnyvan. A minnyvan'll hold 'bout 8 kiddies. Strap 'em in, lock it up an' yer daycare worries is over. If yer livin' anywheres 'cept Ontariariario, you can tie a pitbull up t' the minnyvan fer security.

Yores trooly,

Monday, January 23, 2006

Election Day an' I'm Votin' Green

Whooee! Well friends, I been fallin' down on the bloggin' job an' I ain't got much excuse. Alls I'm doin' now is tellin' everybuddy where ol' JimBobby intends t' mark an X when I go over t' the Lions Club tonight an' cast my ballot.

I'm votin' fer the gal who's runnin' fer the Greens. She ain't gotta snowball's chance in hell o' winnin'. That's the selfsame story with most o' the Greenies though I did hear tell that there's a coupla ridin's where they got haff a chance. The GreenFeller who's runnin' up in Ottywa where ol' EdFeller Broadbent jest retired figgers he might get hisself elected. There's anuther Greenie out in BC who they sez has a chance, too. I ain't holdin' my breath. This here firstest-past-the-post setup we got is all good fer regional outfits like the separatist BlocHeads an' the HarpoonTossers but it don't work too shit hot fer parties like the Greens.

There's a good feller runnin' fer the Greens out in Alberty who calls hisself the Herbinator. Ol' Herbie posted up sum good reasons fer votin' Green an' I'm copyin' 'em here:

Top 10 Reasons to Vote Green on Monday
  1. I want to feel good about my vote. I want to vote for someone, not against someone.
  2. The Green Party has the best platform. The Green Party platform has earned positive reviews in the media, has done well under analysis by non-partisan organizations.
  3. My great grandchildren will be proud of me. I want them to have a sustainable future, a green economy, and better democracy.
  4. I want my vote to have an impact on the legislative agenda of the next parliament. MPs will spend the next session trying to look good for the next election, so they will be looking at who they lost votes to. Vote Green and Green priorities will set the agenda.
  5. People are saying good things about the Green Party.
  6. I am nobody's fool. I refuse to let Martin, Harper, Layton or Duceppe think he can scare me into "strategically" voting for him just for not being the worst among them.
  7. Green Parties around the world get elected, govern countries, and make the world a better place.
  8. Whoever I vote for will get $ 1.75 in public funding, per vote, per year. I feel good about the Green Party putting it to good use defending my values.
  9. I am socially progressive, fiscally responsible, and committed to environmental sustainability - just like the Green Party.
  10. One hundred and thirty nine years of Liberal and Conservative governments. Albert Einstein said it best: "The significant problems of our time are not going to be solved by the same level of thinking that got us into them."

Alls I can say is I ain't gonna be too worried if the HarpoonTossers get in with a minority. If they was t' get a majority, I s'pose I'd fret sum. Shee-it! with a majority, we'd be stuck with 'em fer 5 years, mebbe.

It's sure as hell lookin' like the sun'll come up tomorrow on a Pryminister Stevie Harpoon. The main part t' keep in mind is that the sun'll still come up. It ain't gonna be the end o' the world. Leastwise, I'm purty sure it ain't.

Yores trooly,

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Five Weird Things 'bout JimBobby

Whooee! Well friends, I ain't been puttin' my peterpointer t' the 'puter enuff, lately. A coupla my boogin' buddies is out t' make work fer ol' JimBobby an' they tagged my ass in this here boogin' game where the tagged booger's got t' tell everybuddy 5 offbeat things 'bout his sorry self. The fellers who tagged me was Ricky Barnes an' Billfeller Doskoch. Thankee, fellers.

Here goes:
  1. I start in wearin' the long Stanfields in October an' leave off with the longies an' go back t' jest wearin' the briefs in March.

  2. I ain't afraid o' Stephen Harper. Sum folks don't probbly figger there's anything weird 'bout that. Well, I can tell you fer a fact (I sorta stole that "fer a fact" stuff from Polly Wolly Fartin' Martin) that here in the wild hinterlands o' southwestern Ontariariario, there's lotsa folks who sez they ARE scared o' the HarpoonTosser. The reason I ain't all shaky 'bout the prospects o' Harpoon's numbnutses gettin' elected is on accounta I got sum faith in Canajuns. Sure, we might get a Conservative gummint fer a spell but, dangit, there's still gonna be enuff social pergressives t' stop the pontificators from turnin' back the clock. The dirty Grits need a whippin', too, an' the onliest ones who can turf 'em offa the hill is the throwbacks.

  3. Speakin' o' throwbacks, I got similar eatin' habits t' ol' Spot my coalie dog. Ol' Spot eats from north t' south. If you was t' look at his bowl when he's half-done eatin' you'd see the north half is clean as a whistle an' the south half ain't been touched yet. Ma sez he takes after me an' she might be right 'cept I eat my supper from south t' north. When I go out on nail-poundin' jobs, I always try t' be systematic an' thorough. I reckon that's what I'm doin' with the plate o' beans, too.

  4. I walk funny an' my toes point in on accounta my feet is sorta banana-shaped an' I gotta hard time findin' shoes an' boots t' fit my goofy feet.

  5. The weirdest thing 'bout JimBobby is that I don't really exist 'cept in the Canajun boogeysphere. That gets sorta extra weird when I'm settin' here wonderin' if JimBobby don't really exist, then who in the hell is sayin' so? That sorta brings in all sortsa metaphysics an' also sum stray thoughts concernin' multiple personality disorder. Hmmm... mebbe I oughta leave off on the early-mornin' dope smokin'.
Okay, that's sum o' the weird things 'bout JimBobby. Now, I can do sum taggin' o' my own an' I'm taggin' Rick Mercer. Mercer's boog don't allow comments so I ain't sure if he'll know he's been tagged. If any o' my thousands o' readers wanna mention t' Mercerfeller that I tagged his sorry ass, jest send an email over t' rick@rickmercer.com.

Yores trooly,

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Dark as a Dungeon

Whooee! Well, friends, there's bad news 'bout them there pore fellers who was trapped in that there coal mine down in West Virginny. When I toddled off t' my sleepy-bye last night 'round 12:30, the CTV Newsnet was sayin' they'd found 12 o' the 13 miners alive. My mornin' paper sed they was dead but I told Ma that weren't so. I flipped over t' the CNN last night, too, an' they was sayin' the same as CTV that there was 12 fellers alive. Now, it turns out there's only one alive an' he's doin' poorly. It's a damn shame, no two ways, when a workin' feller hasta risk life an' limb t' make a livin'.

Back a long time ago, sumbuddy (I ain't sure who) wrote a song 'bout diggin' coal an' it come t' mind jest now. Here's the words:

Dark as a Dungeon

Come all you young fellows so young and so fine
And seek not your fortune way down in the mine
It will form like a habit and seep in your soul
Till the stream of your blood flows as black as the coal

It's dark as a dungeon and damp as the dew
The danger is doubled and the pleasures are few
Where the rain never falls and the sun never shines
It's dark as a dungeon way down in the mine

There's many a man I have seen in my day
Who lived just to labor his whole life away
Like the fiend with his dope and the drunkard his wine
A man can have lust for the lure of the mine


Oh when I am dead and the ages shall roll
My body will blacken and turn into coal
Then I'll look from the door of my heavenly home
And pity the miner a-digging my bones


I'm gonna try singin' it an' I'll post up a MP3 if I can.

UPDATE: Well, I made a mp3 audio recordin' o' me singin' that there tune an' I'm dedicatin' it t' them pore fellers an' their pore families.

I don't reckon anybuddy from West Virginny reads my little boog but I'm sendin' out my sympathy anyways. It's a heartbreakin' story. 'Specially, when they thought the fellers was alive an' now they're all dead 'cept fer the one.

Yores trooly,