Monday, February 19, 2007

Sing Us a Song, You're Enviro-Man (audio)

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, here we go again with anuther polytickle song. Yesterday, I was over 't the Gazetteer's fine boog an' he had hisself a boog story 'bout lullabyes an' playin' piana fer the kiddies an' he was on about ol' Billy Joel's song The Piano Man. The GazetteMan got that melody runnin' 'round my head an' it weren't long before I had the chorus fer a new song.

I recorded the song this mornin' an' I did it a little different than usual. I usually run my singin' through a vibrato filter so's t' disguise my voice an' I usually don't have any instrumental stuff. This time, I wanted t' toss in a little piana playin' on accounta it bein' the Piano Man song. I ain't much of a piana player an' I 'specially ain't any good at accompanyin' my own singin' self. But, dang it all, I did it anyways. So's I wouldn't bend my piano notes, I didn't disguise my voice fer this one.

Here's the MP3 audio boog file.

Sing Us a Song, You're Enviro-Man

It's nine o'clock up in Ottawa,
Most of the MPs are there,
They're all in their seats, except Steve's on his feet,
Tryin' to prove that he cares.

He says, "Folks, I'm as green as those other guys,
Thirteen years and they didn't do squat,
Except sign on Kyoto then sit on their thumbs
Playin' games while the Earth got too hot."

La la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Sing us a song, you're Enviro-Man,
Tell us another one, Steve.
We're all in the mood for Kyoto compliance,
So, what have you got up your sleeve?

The Big Oil magnates are friends of yours,
They contribute to your campaign,
Their brand of green funds your party machine,
And you listen when they complain.

They say "Steve, Kyoto is killin' us,
Emission caps should be banned,
At least 'til we make a few billion,
Extracting crude oil from sand."

La la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Sing us a song, you're Enviro-Man,
Tell us another one, Steve.
We're all in the mood for Kyoto compliance,
So, what have you got up your sleeve?

Now, Steve is an egghead Prime Minister,
There's a pit bull named Baird at his side,
Who snarls and snaps about emission caps,
While his limousine's idling outside.

And the Speaker is practicing politics,
As the insults and taunts fill the air.
While the climate is changing, they're just rearranging,
The Titanic's three hundred deck chairs.

La la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Sing us a song, you're Enviro-Man,
Tell us another one, Steve.
We're all in the mood for Kyoto compliance,
So, what have you got up your sleeve?


My undisguised voice ain't a whole lot better'n the usual vibrato version an' I reckon I hit a wrong note or two. I'm workin' on it but I been noticin' as I get older, my voice is soundin' more'n'more like a old codger - even when I'm jest talkin'.

Yores trooly,


alfred said...

Holy greenhouse effect Batman I’m confused.

How so Boywonder?

Well, aren't these climate scientists who tell us we should carbon tax our economies so we can give the money to the Russians to pay for these Kyoto credit things while the Chinese build a coal fired plant a week the same as those NOAA scientist guys from the 70s who said the world was going to become an ice box?

No Robin, that was their parents, the kids make their money telling us the opposite is going to happen.

Golly caped crusader, but what would have happened if we had listened to the parents?

Well Boywonder, according to that 1975 Newsweek article we would have covered the ice caps with soot to melt them.

Holy Gotham under water Batman but aren't today’s scientists smarter and isn't their equipment better than in the dark ages of the 70s and doesn't that mean they have all the right answers?

Yes, of course it does Boywonder, and their parents said the same thirty years ago.

Holy climate flip flop Batman they can’t both be right, can they?

Yes they can old chum, they are scientists.

But Batman I thought the Riddler was dead?

Me too Robin but he has morphed into Al Gore, a one time tobacco farmer who claims to have invented the internet.

Golly Batman, but back to these scientists who are never wrong, how can that be?

Well Boywonder, they have these computer models which are built upon thousands of assumptions and millions of variables and they make these long term climate predictions based on climate history.

How much history Batman?

Well Robin about 150 years of reasonably accurate human measurements.

Whoa Batman that’s not much to base predictions on given billions of years of earth’s climate history, is it?

That’s why the scientists can never be wrong Boywonder; they just keep updating the models with the latest climate trends so the predictions neatly match up with the recent trends.

Holy extrapolation Batman I get it now.

JimBobby said...

Holy shitheads, Batman, there's an asshole usin' yer identity t' post spam copy & paste dumbass comments on the Internets.

That's okay, Boywonder. He's only makin' hisself look stoopid.

But golly gee, Batman. Ain't you jest givin' a numbnuts climate change denyin' lunatic a place t' yammer on yer boog soapbox.

That's true, Boywonder, but he's only hangin' his stoopid self out fer the world t' laff at. He's 'bout as credible as the moon-landin' deniers, Loch Ness monster chasers, alien abductees, Yeti photographers an' Big Oil executives.

I s'pose yer right, Batman, he does look like a complete moron.

Right you are, Boywonder. I don't wanna pick on the pore feller. His grandkiddies'll do that in a few years when they ask what he did t' help when ol' Mother Earth was in trouble.

Gee, Batman, I hadn't thought of that. I hope his family don't hold him t' blame fer standin' in the way o' greenhouse gas reduction. Why, even Steve Harper an' George Bush are sayin' they were wrong 'bout climate change. How's he gonna explain his obstructionism to his grandchildren?

Time will tell, Boywonder. Time will tell.

alfred said...

Holy verbal gymnastics Batman this JimmyBooger fellow must really be smart I can't understand a word he says.

Neither I can old chum, but we aren't supposed to he is one of our betters, he is a Liberal.

Golly gee Batman, but back to this scientific sham, aren’t there any reputable scientists speaking out against the man-made GHG warmers?

Yes, Robin, but they are few and they are called “deniers” and conservatives.

Holocaust deniers Batman?

Worse, Boywonder, man-made climate change deniers.

Why don’t people listen to them Batman?

You see Robin they don’t have the celebrities or political elites on their side which means the media ignore them. And we know the public will always believe what the media and Madonna tell them.

You mean the celebrities and politicians are expert climate scientists caped crusader?

Apparently so old chum.

But is the media always right Batman?

No Boywonder, most of the American media thought Iraq had WMDs.

Holy misinformation Batman, if the media can get it wrong and the celebrities and politicians aren’t experts how come there are so few deniers?

It’s called ‘group think’ Boywonder. A term coined in the 70s about the time of the great ‘global cooling’ scare, it’s defined as a type of thought exhibited by group members who try to minimize conflict and reach consensus without critically testing, analyzing, and evaluating ideas. Group think may cause groups to make hasty, irrational decisions, where individual doubts are set aside, for fear of upsetting the group’s balance.

Holy intimidation Batman, so deniers are outcasts. But weren’t some great scientists and discoverers once deniers and outcasts?

Many were Boywonder; Galileo and Columbus stood up to ridicule by the elites of their time but it took years before they could be proved right.

Golly Batman it looks then like this Kyoto thing is an unstoppable train wreck waiting to happen.

So right my friend, so right.

JimBobby said...

Holy hotsprings, Batman. That goofy Alfred says JimBobby's a Liberal.

Alfred must have trouble reading, Robin. JimBobby's not a Liberal. He's Greenie. Why, just yesterday, he posted an article that was highly critical of the Liberals. Don't make fun of Alfred's disability, Boywonder. That's not polite.

But, batman, Alfred says it's only because of Madonna and some celebrities that anybody's concerned about climate change. I thought thousands of scientists said that and then the celebrities got on the bandwagon.

Right again, Boywonder. Alfred has trouble distinguishing causes and effects. He somehow has the idea that man pumping fossil fuel emissions into the air for 150 years has no effect. Lucky for us that the big industrialists and political leaders and business people and scientists have decided to work together and reduce GHG's.

They have? Tell me more, Batman.

Just have a look at this, Boywonder. Corporate America sees profits in GHG reduction.

Wow, Batman! I thought the corporations were best friends with the Conservatives and that he Conservatives didn't like these emissions caps and carbon trading programs.

Wrong, Robin. Here in Canada, the strongest Conservative voice is from Alberta where they emit massive amounts of GHG's in their tar sands. The oil & gas industry is one of teh few industries that stand to lose money and market share if people switch to alternative energy sources. Most other industries are looking forward to creating new green-collar jobs and capitalizing on emissions reduction.

Capitalizing? Gee Batman, I thought capitalists were profiteers who didn't care about green issues. What's next? Are green initiatives going to make poor people rich?

Not exactly, Boywonder. Emissions trading is being touted as a replacement for foreign aid. Poor countries are already getting investments from emissions trading deals that are reducing not only their GHG's but their dependence on foreign aid. It's a win-win thing, Robin.

Gee, Batman. I've learned a lot. I wonder why Alfred's so intransigent.

Don't be hard on Alfred, Robin. He's been hoodwinked by big oil and the former positions of people like Stephen Harper and George Bush. Now that business leaders, industries and world leaders like Bush, Blair, Merkel and Harper are on board, he'll probably realize he's been tricked into thinking that addressing climate change will kill our economy. Remember, Robin, people have a hard time admitting that they've been played for fools by vested interests in a dirty industry. Alfred may never admit publicly what he'll eventually have to admit to himself.

Peter Dodson said...

One of the most dishonest tactics used by people to deny man made climate change is the reference to the 70's global cooling idea.

This article does a good job of debunking this bit of lying.

JimBobby said...

Thankee kindly, Peter. I'll turn that URL into a hyperlink -

They Predicted Cooling in the 1970's


alfred said...

Holy George Orwell Batman these 'pergressives' want to rewrite history, can they do that?

Unfortunately old chum it's a technique used by socialists since Marx and perfected by the Russian Communists and German National Socialists.

But golly Batman how can they just dismiss warnings from members of the NOAA as "a small amount of scientific speculation" in a few popular magazines? We were there Batman, this was big news for years. Heck during the first Earth Day in 1970 Kenneth Watt of UC Davis said, "If present trends continue, the world will be about four degrees colder in 1990, but eleven degrees colder by the year 2000.

Right you are Boywonder, and we will fight these pergressives as we did the Riddler, Catwoman and the Penguin with the one weapon they can't overcome, truth and honesty.

To the Batpole Batman?

To the Batpole Robin.

RossK said...


Utterly fantastic (captain)*.

Thanks for turning my little twinge of late night melancholy into something way, way better.

Not to mention more interesting.

*And you seem to have found yourself a brownshirt cowboy, which is likely something he won't get given that it is actually something that had real impact in the '70's.



JimBobby said...

Whooee! Thankee, GazetteMan. Yeah... comic book heroes an' polyticks sorta make strange bedfellows.

Chimera said...

Ah, JayBee, yer lyrics jes' keep gettin' better an' better! Ever thought of bein' the librettist on a modern political rock opera?