Taking Out the Blue Box Even if China and India Don't

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, Pryminister Harper's still on the all or nothing bandwagon and he's gonna act as waterboy for his American Idol at the G8 Summit. Harper's refusing to act on climate change unless China and India act, too.

Here in my little town, the county comes and picks up our trash and recyclables on Fridays. Today bein' Thursday, I'll be out in the shed sortin' recyclables and makin' sure there ain't any recyclables mixed in with the non-recyclables. Later on tonight, I'll hike the trash barrel and the blue box out to the street. Usually, the blue box is crammed full and there's a tiny little trash bag. Composting helps, too.



Now, my recyclin' effort hardly amounts to squat in the big picture. Hell, it don't even amount to 2% of my street. If I didn't recycle, hardly anyone would notice and it probably wouldn't amount to a millionth of a percent of what gets recycled here in Norfolk County. Why should I take a few minutes from my busy Thursday to sort out recyclable stuff? Why should I carry both a blue box and a garbage barrel out to the street on Thursday nights?

Then, there's my do-nuthin' neighbours. They're born and bred Canadians but I'll call 'em the Indias and the Chinas. A couple doors down, we got the India family. They got four boys and they generate a heap of garbage. I see it when I walk by with ol' Spot on Friday mornings. The Indias usually got three bigass garbage bags and a half-full blue box. Sometimes, it's all garbage and no blue box, at all.

Down the street a little further, we got the Chinas. They ain't Chinese. Their fictitious surname is China. They got a bigass RV, 2 SUV's, a 24' power boat on a trailer, a riding lawnmower, some ATV's and some snowmobiles. They never, ever put out a blue box.

Now, I wouldn't mind if the county were to enforce some bylaws and restrictions that would give these anti-Earthers a not-so-gentle nudge in the right direction. That might do some good for ol' Mother Earth.

What sure as hell won't do any good for ol' Mother Earth is if I say I'm gonna quit recycling until my neighbours start doin' their share. That'd only make things worse. And who's gonna worry about me, anyways. Like I been sayin' to anyone who'll listen, I ain't even responsible for 2% of the total problem. Why should I act like a responsible citizen?

JB

Unilateral Uselessness: Poverty Edition

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I was just over to Red Tory's boog where he's got a story about compassionate conservatives in the Canajun boogeysphere. The topic is poverty.

I reckon tacklin' poverty is an international problem and needs full international participation.

Shee-it! Poverty ain't just a Canajun thing. There's poor folks barely scrapin' by in countries all over the whole dang world. It'd be nice'n'fuzzy, warm'n'feely to put an end to poverty but it shouldn't just be up to Canada. Canada only contributes about 2% of the world's total poverty. The big poverty producers like China and India need to do their part.

If we was to eliminate poverty an' China an' India keep pumpin' it out unregulated, we'd be overrun by hungry Chinese an' Indians lookin' fer free lima beans down at the food bank.

We gotta resist this so-called anti-poverty stuff which is nothin' but a thinly veiled socialist scheme to redistribute wealth. How can the poor get richer without the rich gettin' poorer? It just ain't fair fer the Canajun rich folks to suffer like that unless the whole world signs on.

Ho, ho, ho,

JimBobby

The Fat Man, The Doctor, The Diet and Intensity Targets

Whooee! I was just over to Eric's Gettin' it Right boog where he's tryin' to explain intensity targets by usin' an analogy of a Toyota vs. a gas guzzlin' Chev. The analogy's okay but I been tryin' to come up with a better one - one that's easier to understand. I think I got one that ain't too bad. It ain't politically correct, I reckon, an' some body-mass challenged victim of McCulture will probbly gimme shit but, here goes --

The Fat Man, The Doctor, The Diet and Intensity Targets

Once upon a time, there was a fat man. His name wasn't Steve. He was gettin' fatter an' fatter an' he was gainin' about a pound a week. That's about a half kilogram, fer you younger folks.

The fat guy goes to his doctor an' the doc sez, "Fatboy, yer killin' yer stoopidass self. You gotta lose weight an' fast or else yer headed fer a nasty life an' an early death." He tells the fat man he's gotta go on a diet, start exercisin' an' get thinner. Or else.

So, the fat feller starts walkin' down to the corner store instead drivin' the chugmobile. When he's there, he buys the small bag o' chips an' only half as many chocolate bars as before he got the death sentence from the sawbones. With his efforts at exercise an' dietin', the fat feller cuts down the rate at which he's gainin' weight.

He cuts it down to a pound a month from a pound a week. He's reduced the intensity of his weight gain by 75%. Sounds good. A 75% reduction must be good.

But.. but... but... the doctor told him he was gonna die if he didn't lose weight. Cuttin' down the rate at which he's gainin' weight ain't losin' weight. He's still gainin' an' he's still puttin' his stoopidass self into a early grave.

I reckon the fat boy (whose name ain't Steve) was only foolin' hisself. The epitaph on his gravestone can read -- "He reduced intensity by 75%. R.I.P."

JimBobby

Sing Us a Song, You're Enviro-Man (audio)

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, here we go again with anuther polytickle song. Yesterday, I was over 't the Gazetteer's fine boog an' he had hisself a boog story 'bout lullabyes an' playin' piana fer the kiddies an' he was on about ol' Billy Joel's song The Piano Man. The GazetteMan got that melody runnin' 'round my head an' it weren't long before I had the chorus fer a new song.

I recorded the song this mornin' an' I did it a little different than usual. I usually run my singin' through a vibrato filter so's t' disguise my voice an' I usually don't have any instrumental stuff. This time, I wanted t' toss in a little piana playin' on accounta it bein' the Piano Man song. I ain't much of a piana player an' I 'specially ain't any good at accompanyin' my own singin' self. But, dang it all, I did it anyways. So's I wouldn't bend my piano notes, I didn't disguise my voice fer this one.

Here's the MP3 audio boog file.

Sing Us a Song, You're Enviro-Man

It's nine o'clock up in Ottawa,
Most of the MPs are there,
They're all in their seats, except Steve's on his feet,
Tryin' to prove that he cares.

He says, "Folks, I'm as green as those other guys,
Thirteen years and they didn't do squat,
Except sign on Kyoto then sit on their thumbs
Playin' games while the Earth got too hot."

La la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Sing us a song, you're Enviro-Man,
Tell us another one, Steve.
We're all in the mood for Kyoto compliance,
So, what have you got up your sleeve?

The Big Oil magnates are friends of yours,
They contribute to your campaign,
Their brand of green funds your party machine,
And you listen when they complain.

They say "Steve, Kyoto is killin' us,
Emission caps should be banned,
At least 'til we make a few billion,
Extracting crude oil from sand."

La la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Sing us a song, you're Enviro-Man,
Tell us another one, Steve.
We're all in the mood for Kyoto compliance,
So, what have you got up your sleeve?

Now, Steve is an egghead Prime Minister,
There's a pit bull named Baird at his side,
Who snarls and snaps about emission caps,
While his limousine's idling outside.

And the Speaker is practicing politics,
As the insults and taunts fill the air.
While the climate is changing, they're just rearranging,
The Titanic's three hundred deck chairs.

La la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Sing us a song, you're Enviro-Man,
Tell us another one, Steve.
We're all in the mood for Kyoto compliance,
So, what have you got up your sleeve?

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD OR STREAM AUDIO

My undisguised voice ain't a whole lot better'n the usual vibrato version an' I reckon I hit a wrong note or two. I'm workin' on it but I been noticin' as I get older, my voice is soundin' more'n'more like a old codger - even when I'm jest talkin'.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

Pragmatic Liberals? Don't Make Me Laugh.

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I was over t' Far and Wide an' they're having a boogin' gabfest in the comments department on jest how great the Liberal Party o' Canada is on accounta they allow fer dissention in the ranks an' how they got a big tent. I ain't so sure 'bout the big tent. I reckon mebbe they got a big campground an' a lot o' little teepees pitched here an' there.

Since I'm a pragmatist an' a lazyass, I copied my comment from there an' whipped it inta this here boog story. That's called gettin' a job done an' gettin' it done with the least cost an' effort. I learned t' work that way by bein' self-employed fer 30-odd years. Anyways, here's mostly what I yammered 'bout in my comment.

The Liberal fellers an' gals over t' Far an' Wide was doin' a great job o' pattin' 'emselves on the back. I ain't no HarpoonTosser an' I ain't sayin' the Conmen don't try t' capitalize on dissent within the Grits. One thing I reckon is that any party'll use any dissention in the other fellers' ranks as ammo against 'em. I call that polyticks-as-usual an' the Cons is as usual as the Grits when it comes t' playin' polytickle games.

Dissent within the Grits when the Martinets purged the Chretienites is the main reason the GrittyBoys ain't in power right now. A united Liberal Party would o' beat the damage done by AdScam an' at least got a minority. Martin screwed up bigtime when he kept on with the rivalry an' nastiness after he'd already won.

Stoopid, sez I, really stoopid.

Steve V.'s the fine booger who writes the Far an' Wide boog. I reckon he's a good wordsmith an' a good Liberal foot soldier an' I commend him fer his dedication an' fer sharin' his 'pinions in his boog an' fer allowin' dissentin' 'pinions t' get publicated in his comments. He's a credit t' the Canajun boogeysphere, sez I.

But ... (Sorry, SteveFeller) he's spinnin' 'round makin' fancy cheerleadin' moves when he sez -

"The Liberal Party, at present, seems to be the only home for pragmatism."

He explains what he means by tellin' how the Grits can bend an' morph an' respond t' publick 'pinion an', even though that looks like flip-floppin' an' mebbe even is flip-floppin', it ain't a bad thing an' it only goes t' show how pragmatic the Liberals is.

If yer main definition o' pragmatism is being able t' flip-flop (like Steve's sayin'), Harpoon's got the Grits beat with income trusts, anthropogenic climate change an' kissin' Mahar Arar's behind. He's an ideologue, no two ways, but he's been eatin' sum crow on a few bigass issues.

I don't reckon pragmatism is all 'bout flip-floppin', though. I always call myself a pragmatist an' when I say that, I mean that I'm a feller who wants t' tackle troublems head-on with practical, effective solutions. That means comin' to a decision an' not ditherin' with too many superfluous discussions an' endless studies, reports an' consensus buildin' horsepuckey.

The Liberals ain't exactly that kinda pragmatists, sez I. I ain't gonna trot out that dumbass "13 years of ... blah blah blah..." but I am gonna say there was way too much head-scratchin' an' redundant studyin' done under the Grits. A lotta talk without a lotta action.

Kyoto come in 5 years ago - not 13 or 15, like sum numbnutses wanna say -- but the grits knew it was comin' an if they believed in the dangers o' Climate Change as defined in Kyoto in 1998-99, they shoulda done a whole lot more'n what they did. Fer sure, they coulda an' if they was pragmatic, they woulda.

Shoulda, coulda, woulda don't cut it fer this voter.

The Liberals can pat themselves on the back fer bein' open-minded an' welcomin' different 'pinions an' points o' view in their ranks but, dang it all, ol' Mother Earth ain't got time fer an all talk, no action party.

You want pragmatism? Take a look at the Greenies.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

"Soft on Terrorism?" Don't Insult Our Intelligence

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I was jest over t' StageLeft an' the Stage Coach Driver's got a boog story with a good letter t' Pryminister Steve tellin' Harpoon what's what an' what's his job in question period. It ain't rocket science. His job is t' answer questions.

Reason he wrote the letter was on accounta when King Steve got asked 'bout how he's gonna help out the autoworkers in Ontariariario, Steve answered back that Dion's soft on terrism. That got me writin' a bigass comment an' now I'm recyclin' most o' that selfsame comment inta this here boog story.

That ol’ “soft on terrism” crappola don’t cut any shit with most Canajuns, anymore - if it ever did. Harpoon might reinforce the support o’ sum Boogin’ Tories or Alien Alberts but he ain’t gonna win over any new Cons by usin’ Georgie Dubya’s wornout name-callin’ tactics. Bush’s in the dumper. He might still be Harpoon’s hero but he ain’t got the support of even 30% of his own Merkan people an’ he’s a liability t’ his own Repugnacian party.

Canajuns ain’t livin’ in a vacuum. We get the bigass Merkan news networks on our TV’s. We heard that dumbass line bein’ used by the Bushman an’ we know that under the Bushman’s reign of terror, terrism has become a bigger troublem. His version o’ bein’ tuff has helped make the world a less safe place an’ there ain’t much of anybuddy who don’t see it that way in 2007.

We ain’t stoopid enuff t’ fall fer that BushTalk from outta our pryminister. I reckon Harpoon’s insultin’ the intelligence o’ Canajuns. Not only by this dumbass Bushism but by thinkin’ nobuddy notices when he doesn’t answer the question. Come t’ think of it, he’s insultin’ Canajuns’ intelligence with that ridiculous green disguise he’s been wearin’ lately. Green, my ass.

Regardin’ the dirty ol’ car makers, there’s a golden opportunity in the green economy department. We give billions in tax breaks t’ the big 3 an’ we can put sum strings on the corporate welfare so’s they hafta do things like produce hybrid cars instead o’ Lincoln Navigators in Canajun factories. Mebbe even hybrid Navigators, who knows?

We can also encourage the automakers t’ clean up their act and reduce their own carbon footprint. I’m talkin’ tax breaks fer implementin’ emissions reduction. That money is money we keep here in Canada instead o’ payin’ it out in Kyoto penalties t’ other countries. Win-win stuff.

Harpoon’s got quit insultin’ our intelligence an’ start usin’ that big egghead o’ his t’ work on solutions instead o’ all o’ this here natterin’ negativity an’ polytickle finger pointin’.

JimBobby

THE NIGHT THEY VOTED HARPER DOWN (Song, Audio)

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I reckon everybuddy's already heard 'bout the remembers o' parliment rememberin' Canada's committment to our Kyoto treaty obligations. I figgered sumpin' like this needed a song so I took a old timey song by The Band called The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down an' I set sum new words to it. I call it The Night They Voted Harper Down. I made a MP3 audio boog fer yer listenin' pleasure.

The Night They Voted Harper Down

Pablo Rodriguez is the name, and I serve with the Liberal gang,
The Kyoto Treaty's my game an' I wanna enforce that thing,
On the 14th of February, climate change was lookin' real scary,
The Conservatives said "Kyoto's too tough," but the opposition called its bluff.

The night they voted Harper down, and the bells were ringing,
The night they knocked off King Steve's crown, and the people were singin'.
They went "Meet our Kyoto goals, obey the law, you buncha assholes,
Never mind the hypocrisy, remember this is a democracy."

We signed Kyoto in 2002, gave Canada a lotta work t'do
Reducin' gas emissions and makin' some tough decisions.
The Liberals dithered, the Cons stood in the way, never heard what the people did say,
To meet our targets, the majority pushed, but Harper only listens to George Bush.

The night they voted Harper down, and the bells were ringing,
The night they knocked off King Steve's crown, and the people were singin'.
They went "Meet our Kyoto goals, obey the law, you buncha assholes,
Forget the hypocrisy, remember this is a democracy."

The Liberals and Martin, had programs just barely startin'
The Cons came in and gave 'em the axe, shot down any talk of a carbon tax.
Kyoto's still new but it's doin' some good Steve Harper never understood
But Parliament spoke, Harper's not exempt
Obey the law or be charged with contempt.

The night they voted Harper down, and the bells were ringing,
The night they knocked off King Steve's crown, and the people were singin'.
They went "Meet our Kyoto goals, obey the law, you buncha assholes,
Set aside your hypocrisy, remember this is a democracy."

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD OR STREAM MP3 AUDIO

Yeow! When I recorded it up this mornin' I made a couplafew ad lib changes an' I repeated the last chorus twice but it's mostly the same as how I wrote it.

JimBobby