Monday, August 29, 2005

If I was a Super Hero...

Whooee! Well, back on Friday, ol' Timmy the G's Voice in the Wilderness was askin' what sorta super hero sum boogers might be if all of a sudden they was t' get whatever super powers they wanted. TimFeller wondered what kinda super hero a hillbilly hick might wanna be an' I give it sum thought. Now, I ain't been ponderin' over it since Friday. I only jest seen the question last night before I went t' bed an' I tossed 'round fer a minute or two before goin' sleepy-bye.

I reckon I'd like t' have super powers o' persuasion. PersuaderMan'd be my super hero handle. With super persuasion powers, I figger I could persuade all the other super heroes t' do my biddin' an' it'd be like I was Gumner General over all o' the super heroes.

If I had super persuasion power, I'd be able t' persuade sum o' the numbnutses who's doin' dumbass stuff t' open up their dumbass eyeballs an' smarten up. I'm talkin' 'bout numbnutses like Robert Mugabe an' that Korean feller with the funny haircut an' Ol' Sammy BinLaden an' ol' Georgie Dubya an' PollyWolly Fartin' Martin an' Stevie Harpoon. catwomanIf I could persuade them fellers t' use commonsense an' stop all the fightin' an' warrin' an' killin' an' abusin', I reckon that'd be a good use fer my super powers.

I'd be able t' persuade all o' the wife beaters an' child abusers t' quit their lowdown ways. I'd be able t' persuade all the vicious pitbulls t' be gentle as lambs. I'd persuade all the remembers o' parliment t' leave off worryin' 'bout pot smokers an' start in worryin' 'bout hungry kiddies here in Canadee an' all 'round the world. I'd persuade the rotten separatists in Q-beck an' Alberty that Canadee is the bestest country in the world an' they oughta pull together instead o' tryin' t' pull us apart.

I'd also persuade Catwoman to join a three-in-a-manger with Ma an' me.

Yores trooly,


Janie For Mayor said...

Now those are good powers, JB.

I think you've already got an element of those powers, having successfully persuaded so many readers to accept your unique prose over the past few months.

Good luck with that Catwoman, thing though. Even superheroes deserve a little "me" time.

Lex Luthor said...

I would have gone with the Storm Halle instead of the Catwoman Halle.

Janie For Mayor said...

Oh, Lex, look at that leather bra again...

Lex Luthor said...

I've been thinking that all superhereos have supervillians and seeing that my moniker is Lex Luthor (the ultimate supervillian), I'll have to be your nemesis...

So, PersuaderMan, meet Silent Instigator. While you are persuading your mrs. and Catwoman, I'll be plotting against you by undermining your persuasions. You'll know I'm around when your wife is pissed off with your "suggestion" and Catwoman is leaving with me.

Lex (aka SI)

JimBobby said...

Whooee! LexFeller, it looks like yer fantasy's fightin' my fantasy. Oh well, let 'em duke it out in fantasy land, sez I.

Ma sure ain't been too awful receptive t' my idee but she ain't flat-out sed NO, neither. I reckon she figgers it's snowball's chance in Hades fer ol' CatGal t' agree t' a three-way with Ma an' me.

Yores trooly,

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