Whooee! Well friends an' foes, it's been more'n ten days since ol' JimBobby posted up a boog story. It ain't on accounta nuthin's been happenin' in the world o' polyticks. Mebbe it's jest that I been so damn disgusted with the whole ding-dong buncha idjits we sent t' Ottywa t' run the country. Shee-it! Them numbnutses is actin' like kindergarten kiddies in the playground. All the namecallin' an' mudslingin' an' parlimentary pickyness an' posturin' jest makes me so damn sad 'bout what's happenin' t' our home an' native land that I don't hardly know what t' say 'bout it.
Ol' Harpoon wanted an election vote. Nevermind that nobuddy else wanted t' go out an' vote jest a year after we voted last time. Nevermind that Polly Wolly Fartin' Martin out-polyticked StevieBoy with his TV show promise t' call an election vote 30 days after Justus Gumper's Choir Show sings its grand finalee. Nevermind that he jest lost the best thing he had goin' fer hisself when it comes t' puttin' on the moderate face in Ontariariario. Nevermind that the CPC an' Bloc combined only got 42% of the popular vote an' the Grits an' DippyWips combined got 52%. It's "Damn the torpedoes. Full speed ahead." fer the HarpoonTosser.
I reckon I wouldn't mind havin' an election vote this summer but I hear tell most Canajuns ain't too keen on the idee. I reckon democracy is mostly 'bout majority rule an' if the majority o' Canucks wanna wait on Gumper's report, fine by me. The bestest thing 'bout havin' an election vote is I could get in there an' vote fer "None o' the above."
An' what the hell's goin' on with this here Gurmont Grewal remember o' parliment? The day before the budget vote, ol' GreyWall sez the Pryminister's office was offerin' up bigass bribes fer Mr. an' Mrs. GrayWal t' set out the vote. He sez he's got the tapes t' prove the whole sordid mess. That was damn near two weeks ago an' the CPC ain't turned over that there tape or made the whole tape 'vailable t' anybuddy. If it's so damn incriminatin', they oughta let the whole thing out right off the bat. I see ol' Inky Dinky Inkwells is wonderin' what's up with this here tape, too. Polly Wells sez the CPC's actin' like kiddies an' I say he's on the money a hunnert percents worth.
It makes me wonder if the CPC might be usin' all this time t' doctor up them tapes. Either that or mebbe the tapes show jest what sum folks sez - mebbe ol' Grewal was fishin' fer a plum an' used the tape recorder t' lay a trap fer the Grits. Whatever reason the HarpoonTossers got fer holdin' onta them tapes, nobuddy's buyin' anymore. The longer they hold 'em, the worse the Cons is lookin'. Mebbe the whole tape is gonna make them GreyWalleyes look so sick that the CPC hasta toss 'em back inta the lake. Yeow! That'd sure hurt the Big-C's if they was t' lose a coupla more MP's.
I reckon Canajuns jest want grownups t' act like grownups an' t' run the country like we elected 'em t' do. I hate t' hafta admit it but the onliest one lookin' like a grownup lately is ol' HappyJack Laydown. If the Grits an' the Cons don't quit actin' like kiddies in the playground an' start actin' like remembers o' parliment, the DippyWips'll be the bigass winners next time around. Them an' the rotten separatist BlocHeads.
Yores trooly,
JimBobby
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
The Wreck o' the Good Ship Belinda
Whooee! I wrote me a little song 'bout ol' B-Linda an' I made a audio boog mp3 recordin' o' me singin' it fer all o' my thousands an' thousands o' readers.
The Wreck o' the Good Ship Belinda
The legend lives on from Ottawa on down
Of the parliament gal called Belinda.
The Conservative scamp joined the Liberal camp;
Yessir, that's the big tent she went inta.
With a load o' Dad's money, she's a cute, little honey
And ol' Prime Minister Martin's sure happy.
The rich, glamour-gal's got some 905 pals,
And MagnaMoney from Frankie, her Pappy.
Belinda was the pride of the Red Tory side,
On gay marriage and such, she's progressive.
An' now Harper's bunch say she's right out t' lunch
The mud-slingin' is gettin' obsessive.
Justice Gomery's inquiry's makin' tattletale sounds
'Bout a wave of Liberal wrong-doin'.
The Grits' AdScam dirt was startin' t' hurt;
In the polls, they was takin' a screwin'.
The PM came late and the press corps hadta wait
For a ten fifty-five mornin' briefin'.
Belinda's bomsbshell blew 'em all clear t' hell,
Said the Big-C's she'd lost all belief in.
The pundits chimed in with inevitable spin,
On her goin' where offers was sweeter,
Her lustin' for power made her gal o' the hour;
She's got some 'splainin' t' do to ol' Peter.
In a musty old hall in Newmarket they prayed
In Conservative riding headquarters.
The money all spent, they asked who'll pay the rent?
Has Frank got anymore daughters?
Does anyone know where Belinda will go,
When she finds out the Liberals are rotten?
Belinda might stay or she might fade away;
It ain't likely she'll be soon forgotten.
Click here t' lissen t' ol' JimBobby singin' off key.
The Wreck o' the Good Ship Belinda
The legend lives on from Ottawa on down
Of the parliament gal called Belinda.
The Conservative scamp joined the Liberal camp;
Yessir, that's the big tent she went inta.
With a load o' Dad's money, she's a cute, little honey
And ol' Prime Minister Martin's sure happy.
The rich, glamour-gal's got some 905 pals,
And MagnaMoney from Frankie, her Pappy.
Belinda was the pride of the Red Tory side,
On gay marriage and such, she's progressive.
An' now Harper's bunch say she's right out t' lunch
The mud-slingin' is gettin' obsessive.
Justice Gomery's inquiry's makin' tattletale sounds
'Bout a wave of Liberal wrong-doin'.
The Grits' AdScam dirt was startin' t' hurt;
In the polls, they was takin' a screwin'.
The PM came late and the press corps hadta wait
For a ten fifty-five mornin' briefin'.
Belinda's bomsbshell blew 'em all clear t' hell,
Said the Big-C's she'd lost all belief in.
The pundits chimed in with inevitable spin,
On her goin' where offers was sweeter,
Her lustin' for power made her gal o' the hour;
She's got some 'splainin' t' do to ol' Peter.
In a musty old hall in Newmarket they prayed
In Conservative riding headquarters.
The money all spent, they asked who'll pay the rent?
Has Frank got anymore daughters?
Does anyone know where Belinda will go,
When she finds out the Liberals are rotten?
Belinda might stay or she might fade away;
It ain't likely she'll be soon forgotten.
Click here t' lissen t' ol' JimBobby singin' off key.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Killin' the Job
Whooee! I jest read a CP story in the Yahoo News 'bout the gang o' four bigass party leaders jumpin' inta the fast lane an' gettin' sum work done. Alls it took was t' lock ol' Fartin Martin, the CheeseHat, the HarpoonTosser an' ol' HappyJack inside of an Airbus 310 fer 'bout seven hours.
Shee-it! These lazyasses been screwin' the pooch fer the past year-an'-a-haff. They know how t' work. They jest ain't been doin' any.
When yer out on the jobsite poundin' nails or yer drivin' a truck or workin' in the field or servin' up coffee at Timmy's, sumbuddy's payin' yer wages. Settin' 'round arguin' an' fightin' amongst t'other workers an' not gettin' nuthin' done ain't what yer gettin' paid fer. Same thing goes fer remembers o' parliment. An' Canajuns is the ones who's payin' the wages.
Back in ancient times when ol' JimBobby was still young JimBobby, I had me a few jobs o' work an' mostly I'd be workin' long side o' fellers who was older an' more wise in the ways o' the world than me. Them fellers taught me a few things 'bout workin' fer wages. Mostly what I learnt was good, I reckon, but they taught me one thing I ain't so sure about.
When yer young an' fit an' rosy-cheeked, yer energy's up high an' when sumbuddy's payin' yer wages, yer rarin' t' give 'em yer all. The old-timers an' also the union stews don't like when they see sum punkass 20 year-old workin' fast. They gotta name fer that sorta thing an' in case you ain't heard it before, it's "killin' the job."
"Don't kill the job, kid."
Firstest time I remember sumbuddy sayin' that was when I was workin' in a steel-rollin' mill. A feller come up behind me when I was tong-tossin' some pieces o' hot steel inta a big ol' hopper. I was so green I looked at that feller all pie-eyed an' asked him what the hell was he talkin' 'bout. I din't know what "kill the job" meant. I was jest workin' as best as I could. An' that there was the whole problem. The feller told me how he was the union guy fer that part o' the mill an' if the foreman sees sumbuddy workin' too hard, he's gonna want everybuddy to work jest as hard an' that ain't how it's sposed t' be.
I weren't so stoopid that I din't catch on once that feller spelled it all out. A few more times when I was still a young feller workin' here an' there, an older but wiser feller whispered that selfsame advice in my ear when they seen me workin' too fast fer their likin'. Now that I'm an older an' wiser feller, nobuddy tells me that any more. I reckon, that's on accounta I don't get movin' too fast these days.
Well, gettin' back t' them four fellers who showed Canajuns what they can do if they set their minds to it, I reckon we're the foremen an' the polyticians is the lazyasses who been slackin' off. Now, they went an' killed the job. They showed their bosses what they can do an', dammit, we oughta start expectin' that sorta hard work from here on out.
I reckon mebbe there's a formula fer gettin' an honest day's work outta these Ottywa polyticians.
Yores trooly,
JimBobby
OTTAWA (CP) - Prime Minister Paul Martin and the three federal party leaders reached an agreement late Monday night to fast-track a new $1-billion veterans charter through the Commons.When I first seen that, I wondered how Harpoon an' the BlocHead coulda signed on if they're set on knockin' down the LeftyLib gummint 'round 5:30 this afternoon. Later on in the story, they sez the four horsemen got it settled so's the whole deal'll get passed through the parliment this week.
The surprise deal came after the politicians received some poor reviews from Second World War veterans at Victory in Europe anniversary celebrations. Martin, NDP Leader Jack Layton, Gilles Duceppe of the Bloc Quebecois and Conservative Stephen Harper sealed the deal during their return flight to Ottawa from the Netherlands.
Shee-it! These lazyasses been screwin' the pooch fer the past year-an'-a-haff. They know how t' work. They jest ain't been doin' any.
When yer out on the jobsite poundin' nails or yer drivin' a truck or workin' in the field or servin' up coffee at Timmy's, sumbuddy's payin' yer wages. Settin' 'round arguin' an' fightin' amongst t'other workers an' not gettin' nuthin' done ain't what yer gettin' paid fer. Same thing goes fer remembers o' parliment. An' Canajuns is the ones who's payin' the wages.
Back in ancient times when ol' JimBobby was still young JimBobby, I had me a few jobs o' work an' mostly I'd be workin' long side o' fellers who was older an' more wise in the ways o' the world than me. Them fellers taught me a few things 'bout workin' fer wages. Mostly what I learnt was good, I reckon, but they taught me one thing I ain't so sure about.
When yer young an' fit an' rosy-cheeked, yer energy's up high an' when sumbuddy's payin' yer wages, yer rarin' t' give 'em yer all. The old-timers an' also the union stews don't like when they see sum punkass 20 year-old workin' fast. They gotta name fer that sorta thing an' in case you ain't heard it before, it's "killin' the job."
"Don't kill the job, kid."
Firstest time I remember sumbuddy sayin' that was when I was workin' in a steel-rollin' mill. A feller come up behind me when I was tong-tossin' some pieces o' hot steel inta a big ol' hopper. I was so green I looked at that feller all pie-eyed an' asked him what the hell was he talkin' 'bout. I din't know what "kill the job" meant. I was jest workin' as best as I could. An' that there was the whole problem. The feller told me how he was the union guy fer that part o' the mill an' if the foreman sees sumbuddy workin' too hard, he's gonna want everybuddy to work jest as hard an' that ain't how it's sposed t' be.
I weren't so stoopid that I din't catch on once that feller spelled it all out. A few more times when I was still a young feller workin' here an' there, an older but wiser feller whispered that selfsame advice in my ear when they seen me workin' too fast fer their likin'. Now that I'm an older an' wiser feller, nobuddy tells me that any more. I reckon, that's on accounta I don't get movin' too fast these days.
Well, gettin' back t' them four fellers who showed Canajuns what they can do if they set their minds to it, I reckon we're the foremen an' the polyticians is the lazyasses who been slackin' off. Now, they went an' killed the job. They showed their bosses what they can do an', dammit, we oughta start expectin' that sorta hard work from here on out.
I reckon mebbe there's a formula fer gettin' an honest day's work outta these Ottywa polyticians.
- Firstest thing, load 'em inta a bus. It don't needta be an Airbus jest so long as they're all aboard an' they can't get out fer a few hours. Better load sum mainstreet media folks in the bus, too, jest t' keep an eye on 'em fer their bosses (that's us).
- Next thing, make 'em stand up in front of a buncha Canajuns who's deservin' respect, like all them there veterans over in Yerp. Make 'em lissen t' what's grievin' them good folks.
- Then, stick 'em back in the bus fer a few more hours. Toss in the MSM fellers an' gals, too.
- Wait one week an' yer new legislation'll get passed through parliment slicker'n juice through a goose.
Yores trooly,
JimBobby
Saturday, May 07, 2005
Kinsellerfeller's Fightin' a War
Whooee! I jest read this here in ol' Warrin' Kinsellerfeller's boog -
A couplafew weeks ago, I wrote me sum boog stories 'bout the damn squirrels in the walls an' attic o' my shack. I figgered it was squirrels on accounta we had 'em here before. Shee-it! One time, we even had one walk upstairs outta the basement an' inta the dinin' room. Anuther time, I was eyeball t' eyeball with one of 'em that was settin' on top o' the frigerator. I ain't sayin' what happened next on accounta I don't want any troublems with the squirrel rights activists.
Well, what I thought was squirrels turned out t' be a big ol' coon. T'other day, the lezzy gals next door come by an' sed there's sum little fingers pokin' outta the vent shutter up near the peak o' the roof. Sure enuff, there was.
We counted up the kiddies an' figgered out it weren't one o' them stuck in the attic. I went upstairs with a stepladder an' poked my head through the trap door. Yeow! I was eyeball t' eyeball with a jumbo-sized ringtailed rascal. I figgered mebbe the bestest thing was t' get the 22 an' shoot the sumbitch. Ma din't think so. Neither did the lezzy gals.
Everybuddy sed mebbe it was a MamaCoon an' mebbe she had herself a nest o' baby ringtails an' if I was t' shoot the mama, the little darlin' orphans'd die an' stink t' high heaven. Jest like ol' Kinseller sez he done, Ma called in the varmint movers.
After that coon caught a glimpse o' my mizzable face, we din't hear a peep from the attic or the walls but a few days later the feller come by t' do the perfeshional movin' job. I ain't kiddin' when I sez I thought it was Dalton Ginty knockin' on my door. That pest remover was the spittin' image only he sed his name was Mark.
Almost $400 later, he come down outta the attic an' sed there ain't any coon babies an' no bigass coon up there, neither. He reckoned the critter got in through a roof fan we put up there a few years back an' he set up a one-way door contraption t' let anythin' out but not t' let 'em back in.
My advice t' Warrin' is t' fergit 'bout callin' Dalton Ginty's twin brother. Jest get on the horn t' sum o' yer Libranos buddies an' have 'em drop by yer garage fer a bit o' pistol practice.
Yores trooly,
JimBobby
I fought with a raccoon in our garage last night. I don't know how the little bastard got in, but I can report that - after an epic battle involving a hose, pepper spray and a golf ball retriever - the little bastard is still there. I'm at work, meanwhile, waiting to hear from the raccoon removal guy.I know how yer feelin', Warrin'. Them raccoons is crafty ol' devils. Way craftier'n that other ol' devil yer fightin' - Inspector Normy.
A couplafew weeks ago, I wrote me sum boog stories 'bout the damn squirrels in the walls an' attic o' my shack. I figgered it was squirrels on accounta we had 'em here before. Shee-it! One time, we even had one walk upstairs outta the basement an' inta the dinin' room. Anuther time, I was eyeball t' eyeball with one of 'em that was settin' on top o' the frigerator. I ain't sayin' what happened next on accounta I don't want any troublems with the squirrel rights activists.
Well, what I thought was squirrels turned out t' be a big ol' coon. T'other day, the lezzy gals next door come by an' sed there's sum little fingers pokin' outta the vent shutter up near the peak o' the roof. Sure enuff, there was.
We counted up the kiddies an' figgered out it weren't one o' them stuck in the attic. I went upstairs with a stepladder an' poked my head through the trap door. Yeow! I was eyeball t' eyeball with a jumbo-sized ringtailed rascal. I figgered mebbe the bestest thing was t' get the 22 an' shoot the sumbitch. Ma din't think so. Neither did the lezzy gals.
Everybuddy sed mebbe it was a MamaCoon an' mebbe she had herself a nest o' baby ringtails an' if I was t' shoot the mama, the little darlin' orphans'd die an' stink t' high heaven. Jest like ol' Kinseller sez he done, Ma called in the varmint movers.
After that coon caught a glimpse o' my mizzable face, we din't hear a peep from the attic or the walls but a few days later the feller come by t' do the perfeshional movin' job. I ain't kiddin' when I sez I thought it was Dalton Ginty knockin' on my door. That pest remover was the spittin' image only he sed his name was Mark.
Almost $400 later, he come down outta the attic an' sed there ain't any coon babies an' no bigass coon up there, neither. He reckoned the critter got in through a roof fan we put up there a few years back an' he set up a one-way door contraption t' let anythin' out but not t' let 'em back in.
My advice t' Warrin' is t' fergit 'bout callin' Dalton Ginty's twin brother. Jest get on the horn t' sum o' yer Libranos buddies an' have 'em drop by yer garage fer a bit o' pistol practice.
Yores trooly,
JimBobby
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
That's a Damn Big Burger
Whooee! I jest come across this here story 'bout a burger joint down in Pennsylvania that cooked up a 15 pound hamburger. Now, beef don't agree with Ma's constitution so around JimBobby's house we don't eat too much of it. I figger mebbe I oughta be eatin' more red meat jest t' keep my testosterone an' killer instinct at the right level. I don't reckon I'd be able t' get too far inta that there 15 pounder with or without cheese, though.When I read the story in the Pittsburg Post-Gazette, sumpin' 'bout it din't seem quite right.
The burger starts out, as burgers typically do, as a large slab of raw ground meat -- 280 ounces of extra lean beef shipped up from Pittsburgh. That's enough beef to make 70 McDonald's quarter pounders.Now, mebbe I ain't the bestest when it comes t' spellin' an' grammar but I reckon I ain't so bad at doin' the multiplyin' an' dividin'. If they had 280 ounces an' there's 16 ounces in a pound an' 4 ounces in a quarter-pound, then they're right bout the part where it'd make 70 quarter pounders. The thing is, they sez the burger's 15 pounds an' 280 ounces is really 17 an' a haff pounds.
It sure weren't fast food. They hadta cook that baby fer 2 an' a haff hours.
Yores trooly,
JimBobby
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Dealin' With the Devil
Whooee! These days, when sumbuddy sez sumpin' 'bout a deal with the devil, yer firstest thought is the Grittyfellers dealin' with the Dips or the Dippers dealin' with the Grits. Shee-it! I don't reckon too many Canajuns really think ol' Fartin' Martin or Jack Laydown is devils. That ain't t' say that real devils don't exist an' that deals ain't been made.
I'm talkin' 'bout Karla Homolka.
The dumbasses who made a deal with that murderin' devil is seein' their chickens comin' home t' roost. The willin' accomplice o' Paul Bernardo is set t' get outta jail in a coupla months an' nobuddy seems t' know what t' do about it.
I seen a TV show the other night called Cold Case where they was about t' release a serial killer on accounta he served all the time in his sentence. The smartypants detectives figgered a way t' keep the killer in jail. They found out 'bout a murder he weren't charged with an' got'm on it. Mebbe the coppers could do sumpin' like that with Karla. How 'bout that there Elizabeth Bain case that's lookin' like mebbe it was Bernardo done the killin' an' not the dead gal's boyfriend?
Elsewise, mebbe they could release her t' the Merkins an' they could send her t' Syria fer questionin'.
Yores trooly,
JimBobby
I'm talkin' 'bout Karla Homolka.
The dumbasses who made a deal with that murderin' devil is seein' their chickens comin' home t' roost. The willin' accomplice o' Paul Bernardo is set t' get outta jail in a coupla months an' nobuddy seems t' know what t' do about it.
I seen a TV show the other night called Cold Case where they was about t' release a serial killer on accounta he served all the time in his sentence. The smartypants detectives figgered a way t' keep the killer in jail. They found out 'bout a murder he weren't charged with an' got'm on it. Mebbe the coppers could do sumpin' like that with Karla. How 'bout that there Elizabeth Bain case that's lookin' like mebbe it was Bernardo done the killin' an' not the dead gal's boyfriend?
Elsewise, mebbe they could release her t' the Merkins an' they could send her t' Syria fer questionin'.
Yores trooly,
JimBobby
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Kinsellerfeller's New Pryminister
Whooee! Ol' Warrin' Kinsellerfeller's got hisself a funny boog story today. It's all 'bout the guy who it looks like Kinseller figures is Pryminister de facto, HappyJack Laydown. Now, pore ol' Warren ain't figured out how t' get his boog set up with permylinks, so that link is jest t' his boog. The funny story is fer today's date, April the 27th.Here's sum o' what the Liberal Prince o' Darkness has t' say 'bout "The Right Honourable Jack Layton, P.C., M.P., Prime Minister of Canada" --
Born in Hudson, Quebec in 1950, Mr. Layton grew up in Montreal and attended both McGill and York Universities. He holds a bachelor's degree from McGill University, and an MA and PhD from York University, his PhD thesis titled 'How To Run Entire Countries With A Caucus Of Less Than 20 MPs.'Yeow! Like I sed before, ol' Polly Wolly Fartin' Martin's probbly wishin' he'd been nicer t' Kinsellerfeller when he first took over from Johnny Chretien.
(...)
Canada's newest Prime Minister is married to Olivia Chow, a former Toronto city councilor. He has two children, Sarah, 26, and Mike, 23. The family will be moving into 24 Sussex as soon as the present occupants can be made to understand that they do not run the country any more- and, in fact, never did.
Yores trooly,
JimBobby
JimBobby's Protegé - Paul Wells
Whooee! Yesterday, I sed the Maclean's booger Polly Wolly Inkwells might be tryin' t' write like me on accounta he used the phrase "het up." Today, when I popped my head inta Inky's boog, I seen he's got a boog story with the title "Fetch the smellin' salts, Clementine". I reckon that 'bout clinches it. I might mention also that I wrote a little email t' ol' WellsFargo a coupla days ago so I figger he's probbly got my way o' writin' lodged in his brain like a tumor.InkyBoy, if yer readin' this then all I gotta say is sumpin' my ol' Pappy used t' say - imitation is the best kinda flattery. Thankee kindly.
Yores trooly,
JimBobby
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
HappyJack's on the Wrong Track
Whooee! My ol' Pappy used say that the rats jump from a sinkin' ship. Makes sense t' me. I reckon mebbe ol' Happy Jack Laydown of the NDiPpers is swimmin' against the tide an' tryin' t' climb on board o' the sinkin' Martin steamship. I ain't sayin' the smilin' boy is a rat. He's jest a dumbass.
Polly Wolly Inkwells wrote sum good stuff in his boog today 'bout the $4.6 billion ol' Jackie's tryin' t' loose up from GoodAle's budget. Inky sez that in the big pitcher, them billions don't amount t' nuthin' but a drop in the bucket.
Here's most o' what Polly Wells sez:
Okay, Inky Wells, you got me puttin' the $4.6 billion inta perspective. It's raisin' up a big ol' question in my tiny little brain an' I'm tryin' t' "explain the relative scale of things". If $4,600,000,000.00 is chump change, then whaddya call the $250,000,000 that's causin' all the AdScam commotion? An', if I ain't mistook, it's only $100 mil outta that $250 mil that ol' Justus Gump is lookin' at. By Inky's figgerin', AdScam is all 'bout 2.2% of chump change.
Now, one o' the more interestin' things WellsFargo sez is that the bigass taxcuts ain't gonna happen til later on a couplafew years down the road. Laydown is makin' deals with Martin on sumpin' that probbly ain't ever gonna happen. Does Laydown really figger ol' Fartin' Martin's gonna be sittin' in the Pryminister's office a couplafew years down the road?
Alls I see happenin' from these here backroom deals between the Dips an' the Grits is that the votin' Canajuns is gonna see ol' Layton snuggled up under the covers with Martin. Does Laydown figger all them billions is gonna get pumped inta social safety nets before Fartin' Martin goes down the tubes? Even if GoodAle changes his budget t' suit Laydown, we ain't gonna see any effect fer years.
My advice t' Laydown is t' run from the devil Grits. Last year, Canajuns voted fer the "devil we know." Yep, we knew we was votin' fer devils. Now, thanks t' Justus Gumper's Choir Show, we know a lot more 'bout them devils we voted fer. In the movies an' on the TV, yer always seein' these stories where sum pore fool makes a deal with the devil an' later on they gotta pay the piper by fryin' their stoopid ass in Hell fer all eternity.
Sumbuddy oughta sit Layton down an' tell'm all 'bout how he's sellin' his eternal soul. I reckon that'll be a good job fer sum o' Harpoon's thumpin' theo-cons.
Yores trooly,
JimBobby
Polly Wolly Inkwells wrote sum good stuff in his boog today 'bout the $4.6 billion ol' Jackie's tryin' t' loose up from GoodAle's budget. Inky sez that in the big pitcher, them billions don't amount t' nuthin' but a drop in the bucket.
Here's most o' what Polly Wells sez:
("Het up"? Is Inky tryin' t' take up my way o' writin'?)Here's the interesting part: everyone's getting all het up over what amounts to chump change.
Like everything else in the second Goodale budget, the corporate tax cuts are rolled in over several years — there are almost none immediately, then more later, so the $4.6 billion is radically back-loaded. But for argument's sake, it averages to $922 million per year over five years.
Now. Compare that to the $12.9 billion, with a 'b', the feds will send to the provinces and territories in equalization and TFF (territorial funding formula) in the single year 2005-06. In other words, this year's share of the total five-year corporate tax cut comes to only 7% of this year's payments for equalization and its territorial equivalent.
Now. Compare that $922 million a year to the real big-ticket budget item, which is total cash and tax-point transfers for health and social programs. That's $47.9 billion for 05-06. The corporate tax cuts come to 1.9% of that figure.
Add equalization, TFF, and cash and tax-point transfers together, and the NDP's bottom line is a penny and a half on every dollar the feds will transfer to the provinces and territories this year. If I were to add in transfers to individuals — pensions, EI payments, and so forth — the corporate tax cuts fall well below a penny on the federal spending dollar.
Draw your own conclusions about what that means. My minimal point is that we have these national debates with incredibly high political stakes and you so rarely see anyone pause to explain the relative scale of things.
Okay, Inky Wells, you got me puttin' the $4.6 billion inta perspective. It's raisin' up a big ol' question in my tiny little brain an' I'm tryin' t' "explain the relative scale of things". If $4,600,000,000.00 is chump change, then whaddya call the $250,000,000 that's causin' all the AdScam commotion? An', if I ain't mistook, it's only $100 mil outta that $250 mil that ol' Justus Gump is lookin' at. By Inky's figgerin', AdScam is all 'bout 2.2% of chump change.
Now, one o' the more interestin' things WellsFargo sez is that the bigass taxcuts ain't gonna happen til later on a couplafew years down the road. Laydown is makin' deals with Martin on sumpin' that probbly ain't ever gonna happen. Does Laydown really figger ol' Fartin' Martin's gonna be sittin' in the Pryminister's office a couplafew years down the road?
Alls I see happenin' from these here backroom deals between the Dips an' the Grits is that the votin' Canajuns is gonna see ol' Layton snuggled up under the covers with Martin. Does Laydown figger all them billions is gonna get pumped inta social safety nets before Fartin' Martin goes down the tubes? Even if GoodAle changes his budget t' suit Laydown, we ain't gonna see any effect fer years.
My advice t' Laydown is t' run from the devil Grits. Last year, Canajuns voted fer the "devil we know." Yep, we knew we was votin' fer devils. Now, thanks t' Justus Gumper's Choir Show, we know a lot more 'bout them devils we voted fer. In the movies an' on the TV, yer always seein' these stories where sum pore fool makes a deal with the devil an' later on they gotta pay the piper by fryin' their stoopid ass in Hell fer all eternity.
Sumbuddy oughta sit Layton down an' tell'm all 'bout how he's sellin' his eternal soul. I reckon that'll be a good job fer sum o' Harpoon's thumpin' theo-cons.
Yores trooly,
JimBobby
Monday, April 25, 2005
Audio Boogin'
Whooee! A few weeks ago I come up with the idee that sum o' my readers might wanna hear me read my boogs out loud. I mentioned it again in a comment on that there poem I put up the other day.
Well, friends an' foes, ol' John Fewings the cartoon drawin' boy sez he's gonna help out an'
supply me with sum hostin' space fer sum o' my audio boogs. Ol' JohnFeller an' I been doin' sum emailin' back an' forth. I reckon he's sum sorta wizard in the web hostin' file transportin' department. He got it all set up fer me t' post up my MP3 yammerin' boog stories up onta his space. I owe JohnnyBoy a big debt o' gratitude fer figgerin' this all out fer ol' JimBobby an' fer lettin' me horn in on sum o' his hostin' space. Thankee, John!
So here we go with JimBobby's very first audio boog - Dangerous Fartin' Martin.
Jest click here fer the audio. I spose I oughta warn everybuddy jest how big that there audio MP3 file is. It ain't too big -- 'bout 1.2 megabytes. If yer drivin' in the fast lane o' the information super-highway, it won't take no time at all t' download. If yer still dialin' up from outta the slow lane, it'll take few minutes (mebbe 5 ?).
Yores trooly,
JimBobby
Well, friends an' foes, ol' John Fewings the cartoon drawin' boy sez he's gonna help out an'
supply me with sum hostin' space fer sum o' my audio boogs. Ol' JohnFeller an' I been doin' sum emailin' back an' forth. I reckon he's sum sorta wizard in the web hostin' file transportin' department. He got it all set up fer me t' post up my MP3 yammerin' boog stories up onta his space. I owe JohnnyBoy a big debt o' gratitude fer figgerin' this all out fer ol' JimBobby an' fer lettin' me horn in on sum o' his hostin' space. Thankee, John!So here we go with JimBobby's very first audio boog - Dangerous Fartin' Martin.
Jest click here fer the audio. I spose I oughta warn everybuddy jest how big that there audio MP3 file is. It ain't too big -- 'bout 1.2 megabytes. If yer drivin' in the fast lane o' the information super-highway, it won't take no time at all t' download. If yer still dialin' up from outta the slow lane, it'll take few minutes (mebbe 5 ?).
Yores trooly,
JimBobby
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