Monday, February 28, 2005

Canajuns Got No Faith in Justus Gumper

Whooee! Last night I seen on the Lloyd Robertson TV News Show that the CTV got together with the Globe & Mail an' Ipsos-Reid an' took a rack and pinion pool askin' Canajuns 'bout the Justus Gump Show that sposed t' be gettin' t' the bottom o' who stlole what an' when in this here Adscamper deal. Ol' Lloyd hisself was takin' Sunday night off an' he had that sweet-lookin' Sandie Rinaldo sittin' in his chair.

What the pinion pool sez is that lotsa Canajuns figger PollyWolly Fartin' Martin's tellin' big fat lies 'bout whether or not he was drivin' on the inside lane. Even more Canajuns ain't buyin' the bill o' goods ol' GolfballBoy John Cretin's sellin'.

'Cordin' t' that there pool, 61% o' Canajuns don't figger Gumper's Choir Boys is gonna get t' the bottom o' this here sponsorship mess. Well, mebbe they will an' mebbe they won't. These pinion pools been wrong before like when they sed ol' Harpoon's gang was gonna win the 'lection back in June last year.

The big troublem in my mind is all the dough this here choir singin' is costin' Canajuns. If everbuddy'd jest gonna get up in front o' ol' Gumper an lie their ass off, what's the point? Last week, it come out that the $60 million choir is gonna cost more like $80 million. Now, is anybuddy surpised? 'Course it'll cost more'n what they sed. The gummint's runnin' it. I'll be damn surprised if all it ends up costin' is $80 million.

My ol'Pappy used t have a sayin' - don't throw good money after bad. Now, he din't always live up t' that sayin'. He had hisself a 1964 Thunderbird car an' he was always throwin' good money inta that thing long after it wasn't worth it no more. But t' my way o' thinkin', that sayin' made sense.

If Canajuns was on the losin' end of a hunnert million like we probbly were an' we're spendin' $80 million t' find out nuthin', ain't we throwin' good money after bad? An lookit jest who's gettin' this good money we're spendin' on the Justus Gump Travellin' Road Show. Lawyers! As if they need anymore money from good an' decent taxpayin' Canajuns.

Yores trooly,

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Outrage o' the Week

Whooee! Last Sunday mornin', I started postin' up my Outrage o' the Week an' now Sunday mornin's comin' down again an' I got another outrage. Damn! Looks like mebbe I made a bed fer myself that I'm gonna hafta sleep in every Sunday mornin'. I guess Ma ken take the younguns t' Sunday School by herself.

I hadda smorgyboard o' choices fer this week's outrage. There was that dumbass racist over t' General Brock's boog got me hot under the collar. Ol' Fartin' Martin an' his pointy man in Washington couldn't get their stories straight 'bout the ballstick missiles. That there daycare centre in Edmonton fergot about one the kiddies again. The WalMarket was slappin' around its Canajun workin' folks again. The possibilities was nearly endless but I hadta make a choice so here goes.

What's got me mad enuff t' chew nails an' fart tacks this week is sum smartass YankeeDoodlers showin' a heap o' disrepect t' their next-door naybers that bein' Canadee. Over t' RobertyBob's Blahg he gets sum foamin' at the mouth Canuck-haters spoutin' off in his comments department an' one of'm posted up a link t' this here store where they's sellin' all kinds o' stuff carryin' a bastardized pitcher o' the Canajun maple leaf flag with great big capital red letters that sez "FUCK Canada". I pologize if you got yer kiddies settin' on yer lap while yer readin' this on accounta I don't usually like usin' that sorta guttermouth talk inta my boog but it's the main part o' my outrage so I got no choice.

animal abuseThat there store's got all sortsa T-shirts an' coffee mugs an' other doo-dads all made up with that nasty flag plastered on. This here doggy shirt is jest one o' pieces o' crap they's tryin' t' flog but they got lots more an' none of it is sumpin' anybuddy oughta be wearin' in Nunavut or anyplace else in Canadee or anyplace else onta the face o' the planet earth if they know what's good fer 'em. This little wee pitbull dog can't help what gets put on his back so if you see one walkin' on the street it'd be best if you took up the fight with the feller or gal on the end o' the leashrope an' not the dog.

The asswipes who put this Canuck-hate website store onta the internet sez this 'bout our home an' native land:
It's hard to think of a simpler way to say it. The Canucks are useless allies. They have screwed us in the War on terror. Let them know you know it with these products.
Ol' JimBobby has quite a few suggestions fer what t' do if you happen t' see anybuddy wearin' any o' this gear.

If yer in Newfie an' you come across a dumb sumbitch wearin' a FUCK Canada T-shirt, try strappin'm to an' iceberg or rollin'm down Signal Hill or nailin'm t' Rawlins' Cross. If yer in Nova Scotia, do sum step dancin' on his neck. If yer in PEI, dig up sum spuds an' shove'm up his poophole. If yer in New Brunswick, slather'm up with moose lure an' leave'm in the bush.

If yer in Q-beck, force-feed'm a bushel basket o' cold poutine with a side order o' knuckle samwitches. If yer in Ontariariario, take yer cue from the PEI fellers only instead o' spuds, see how many Maple Leafs hockey sticks you ken fit up his keester.

askin' fer itIf yer on the prairie, jest stick his front end down a prairie dog hole an' that'll leave his back end ready fer sumpin' like what the PEI an' 'tario folks done. Elsewise, you could tie'm to a lamp post at Portage an' Main wearing thong undies from that there store. If he cries, "Rape", jest tell the judgefeller that the way he was dressed he was askin' fer it.

If yer in Alberty, you got an excess o' cattle an' this type o' feller'd make good floorboards fer a little stampede. I reckon he'd enjoy a little drag-behind in a chuckwagon race, too.

If you see one o' these fellers out in BC, strip'm down to his FUCK Canada undies an' hoist'm t' the top of a big ol' totem pole. The baldy eagles'll do the rest.

If yer up in the terrytories yer always lookin' fer high protein meat fer the dog team or a skin t' use fer a flap-door onta yer igloo. One o' these Canuck-haters could serve dual duty.

Sum folks might say I shouldn't oughta link t' that store on accounta it gives'm free advertisin'. JimBobby sez horsehit. I seen they gotta tollfree number fer that store an' I figger it'd be a good thing if that there phone started ringin' offa the hook with fake orders from all over Canadee. Mebbe their email box'll fill up with letters from Canajuns an' non-nutjob Yanks who figger they's promotin' a hate-yer-nayber policy. Mebbe sum smarty code-writin' feller ken launch a denial o' service attack on that there website.

Well, that's all I gotta say on this an' dang if it ain't still early an' I got time t' get the younguns shuffled off t' Sunday School. I'm invitin' anybuddy with more idees on what t' do if you see sumbuddy sportin' sumpin' from outta that dumbass store to leave their idees in the comments department.

Happy huntin'.

Yores trooly,

Saturday, February 26, 2005

The Farmer is the Man

Whooee! I jest seen where the brand new minister o' farmin', AndyBoy Mitchell, is takin' sum rightful heat from the farmers on accounta Good Ale's budget that was sposed please everbuddy din't do diddly fer the farmers. The farmers is havin' a tuff ol' go an' mostly it's on accounta the Merkins puttin' up protection fences t' stop good Canajun cow meat from travelin' south an' sum other stuff like that.

That newspaper story that I linked to up yonder previous sez MitchellFeller ain't makin' any pologees fer shortchangin' the farmerfellers. As soon as I read what that minister sed, I thought mebbe he ain't workin' fer the farm folks like he's sposed t' be an' mebbe he don't get the pitcher that farmers's the fellers an' gals who put the dinner on ol' Andyboy's dinnerplate.

That there news story an' that dumbass anti-agri-minister's stoopid words brought t' mind this here old-timey song from away back in the 1890's.

Oh the farmer comes to town
With his wagon broken down,
Oh the farmer is the man who feeds us all;
If we'd only look and see, well I think that we'd agree
That the farmer is the man who feeds us all.
The farmer is the man,
The farmer is the man.
Lives on credit 'til the fall,
Then they take him by the hand,
And they lead him from the land,
And the middleman's the one who gets it all.

When the lawyer stands around
While the butcher cuts a pound,
He forgets that it's the farmer feeds 'em all.
And the preacher and the cook
Go a-strollin' by the brook,
They forget that its the farmer feeds' em all.
The farmer is the man,
The farmer is the man.
Lives on credit 'til the fall,
With the interest rate so high, its a wonder he don't die,
And the middleman's the one who gets it all.

When the banker says he's broke,
And the merchant's up in smoke,
They forget that it's the farmer feeds 'em all.
If he'd only take a rest,
He could put 'em to the test,
Cause the farmer is the man who feeds 'em all.
The farmer is the man,
The farmer is the man.
Lives on credit 'til the fall,
His condition it's a sin,Cause his pants are gettin' thin,
We forgot that he's the one who feeds us all.
Nobuddy seems too sure who wrote that there song elsewise I'd o' give credit where credit's due an' a whole heap o' credit's due. If I ever figger out this here podcastin' thingamajig, mebbe I'll sing it fer you an' mebbe that Andyboy Mitchellfeller'll get hisself an earful, too.

Yores trooly,

Friday, February 25, 2005

Ol' Pierre Berton Rollin' a Doobie

Whooee! I musta missed Rick Mercer's Monday Report when he had ol' Pierre Berton on. Ol' Pierre done is best t' show everbuddy jest how t' roll a proper joint. I only jest now come across this here Quicktime Movie an' it's good fer a laff or two.

Click t' watch ol' Pierre give joint-rollin' instructions.
Yores trooly,

Wandrin' in the Canajun Boogeysphere

Bein' new t' this here Canajun boogeysphere, I figger the best way t' learn how t' be a top notch booger is t' take a looksee here an' there an' see what the fellers an' gals on the AlreadyTopNotch List (A-List, fer short) are doin'. One o' the things I seen'm do is make a list o' shorty notes 'bout what other boogers is sayin'. RobertyBob McClelland makes such sorta list once a week an' he calls his the Cavalcade of Canucks. RobertyBob's been kind enuff t' mention ol' JimBobby Sez once or twice an' I'm mighty grateful to'm fer sendin' sum folks over.

Now I ain't gonna steal ol' RobertyBob's thunder an' try t' start my own cavalcade but ever once in a bit, I might not have any smartyass stuff o' my own t' blather 'bout so I might make a list o' shorty notes an' links an' post'm here inta my little boog. So far today, I ain't seen too many stories in the Yahoo News or the CBC that tickle my fancy fer boogin' so I thought I'd pull a leaf outta the A-List's looseleaf notebook.

Here goes.

Ol' Warrin' Kinsellerfeller has got sum advice posted up fer the leader o' the opposin' side, Stevie Harpoon. Kinsellerfeller sez ol' Harpoon let Fartin' Martin's gang off too easy 'bout the budget an' the opposin' side oughtn't be cheerleadin' Good Ale's number-crunchin'.

Ol' Jayfeller Currie has got sum advice posted up fer the leader o' the opposin' side, Stevie Harpoon. Currypowder sez ol' Harpoon let Fartin' Martin's gang off too easy 'bout the budget an' the opposin' side oughtn't be cheerleadin' Good Ale's number-crunchin'.

If you like walkin' back an' forth, go an' read what the StageCoachDriver over t' Stageleft sez an' click onta his link back t' JimBobby Sez. Then click here t' get back on the StageCoach. Then click t' come back here. A tip o' my toque t' the StageCoachDriver.

The funniest boog I ever seen yet in this here Canajun boogeysphere is Bloogers Byline. Sum fellers an' gals might find Blooger's writin' harder t' read than ol' JimBobby's on accounta Bloogerfeller don't use too many capital letters an' hardly ever uses possterfees an' don't put dots at the end o' every sentence. Anybuddy that ken wade through my way o' writin' won't have too many troublems readin' ol' Blooger an' he's a damn funny feller, no two ways about it. Best way t' figger out ol' Bloogfeller is to start at the beginnin' when they first start gettin' wind that a WalMarket's comin' t' town.

Now I know that one other time I sed that the fellers an' gals who write fer ol' Elvis's Egroup was all left-wing liberal Troodoughmaniacs but I see I might o' been a bit quick on the draw. Jest lately, I seen they got themselves sum Harpoontossers boogin' there like Inspector Normy an' Donfeller who's visited my comments department a time or two.

Ol' Inspector Norman shoots his musket over t' the Shotgun, too. I ain't 100% sure whether or not them Shotgunners ever really shot a gun or if they know buckshot from birdshit. Today, I see one of'm is on 'bout the Global Warmin'Oven tellin' how the cold is makin' it warm. Mebbe it's sorta like the backside o' my fridgerator gettin' warm when the inside's all frosty.

Ol' PollyWolly Inkwells is jest back from cavortin' over in Yerp with Fartin' Martin and his merry band. He's yappin' 'bout the are-we-or-ain't-we ballstick missile fence an' ol' Pryminister Fartin' Martin makin' waves in the time & space continue-um.

I swore off commentin' in General Brock's boog on accounta there's sum dimwits there an' they get my blood pressure so elevatored that I woke up with a nosebleed at 5:07 this mornin'. Even though I ain't speakin' up in Mikey's comments section, I'm still readin' what he's attackin'. Like sum other fellers I already mentioned, he's yamerin' 'bout the ballstick missiles an' MAD (not the magazine) an' WAS (not the past tense of "to be") an' sovereignty-association with the Merkins.

The Gazetteer has hisself a boog 'bout sovereignty-association, too. It's gotta catchy title: Ambassadors Up The YinYang. He's got sum both-sides-o-the-coin quotes 'bout Frankfeller McKenna an' ol' PollyWolly Celucci, the Merkin who likes tellin' Canajuns what's what.

Ol' Darcey Broomsweeper's doing sumpin' like what I'm doin' an pointin' folks t' sum o' the boogers he's been visitin' in the boogeysphere. He's got hisself sum that I ain't seen yet an' I'm gonna set aside sum time in my busy schedule t' take a looksee. He mentioned ol' JimBobby an' I thank'm kindly fer that even though he sorta sed I was a redneck which I ain't. Since I got me this here computer, I ain't hardly seen the sun much less got a sunburn.

CathiefromCanadee is a sweet little gal on the left side o' the fence an' on the right side o' the selfsame sexy marryin' argument. She's talkin' 'bout sumpin' I seen ol' Currypowder talkin' 'bout, too, an' that's this here meetin' o' Anglican Primates where the chimps an' apes sed they don't want the Canajuns or the Merkins t' be in the same primate monkey family with the rest o' the world on accounta them going along with boy-boy girl-girl monkey bizness an' lettin' that queer feller monkey around with the bishop's hat down in Noo England.

Theresa in the Heart o' Canadee has got a few sharp an' pointy words fer the fellers an' gals that write up the Conservative Party o' Canadee newsletter on accounta them makin' a big ol' plug fer Monty Soilburger's brand new boog while they been lookin' the other way 'bout all the other good boogers wavin' the CPC banner flag. Ol' TZ is on pins an' needles over the comin' up CPC policy donnybrook that's sposed t' be happenin' soon.

Over t' Bound Up by Gravity Pullin' Down, Andrewfeller is doin' like ol' JimBobby an' posted up a list o' quick links that look like sum good readin'.

I think that's all I got time t' put inta my linky loveletter list fer the day. I hear tell that sumtimes this booger tool gobbles up yer boog post an' I figger I better hit the orange Publish Post button before sumpin' goes wacky an' my nose starts t' bleed again.

Yores trooly,

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Filthy Racist Sumbitch Alert

Ol' JimBobby's got hisself a payin' job o' work t' do today an' not much time fer boogin' or fer wandrin' here an' there an' makin' comments onta my boogeysphere friends's boogs. Before I saddle up an' head out, I gotta give out a warnin' 'bout a sumbitch I crossed swords with yesterday. That sumbitch is a filthy rotten racist scumbucket an' he's proud o' the fact so I don't reckon he's gonna threaten t' soo me when I tell you that his name is Desmond Jones.

I bumped heads with ol' DesmondAsswipeRacistScum over t' General Mike Brock's boog. I ain't paintin' ol' Brockfeller with the selfsame brush Desmond painted hisself with. Mikefeller is a good man an' he waves the banner fer the Canajun Conservative Party underneath o' ol' Harpoon. This dumbass Desmond showed is ugly face in ol' Mikey's comments an' he sed that the CPC ain't doin' a good job o' bein' racist enuff.

He sed a lotta other things, too, an I thought mebbe he was bein' jokey an' I asked'm an' he sed he was deadpan serious. The things he sed were the selfsame things that them there Aryan Nations KKK Neo-Nazi brownshirt-wearin' thugfellers say an' his main point was that the CPC oughta latch onta them caveman idees an' then they'd get more fine fellers like Desmond joinin' their ranks an' votin' fer the ol' Harpoontosser an' his crew.

Since General Brock ain't a racist an' don't tolerate racist talkin' onta his boog, he erased what Desmond wrote. That's probbly a good thing 'cept it left ol' JimBobby's side o' the argument hangin' in the wind an' lookin' sorta stoopidlike without the other side t' bounce offa. Ol' Brockfeller's startin' out boog post was all 'bout Joe Volpe an' sum bad things he sed 'bout conservatives all bein' racist-type fellers an' gals. When ol' Desmond got up onta his hindlegs an'sed them things he sed, it give sum credibility to what Volpe sed an' I hope that ain't the reason ol' Brockfeller erased them racist comments.

What's got my blood presure inta the danger zone now is sum fellers is sayin' that I shouldn't have oughta argued with Desmond Jones, the racist sumbitch, on accounta fightin' dumbass racism is givin' his spew legitimacy it don't deserve. JimBobby sez HORSESHIT.

Over onta my little boogroll is the boog of a big feller from outta Oklahoma USA name o' Chris Greenfeather. Ol' Chris's boog is called "Right Wing & Right Minded" an' as he sez, he's sittin' on the righthand side o' the fence. Like I sed over in General Brock's comment department this morning, when yer an Okie an' yer on the right, yer makin' the CPC look like Troodoughmaniac choirboys.

Ol' Greenfeather has a little quote that he tacks onta each an' every boog post he writes an' it goes like this:
"The Only Thing Necessary For Evil To Triumph
Is For Good Men To Do Nothing"
I ain't sure who it was sed that first but I think it makes a heap o' sense an' I ain't gonna stand around with my finger up my poophole when evil is spewin' forth in the Canajun boogeysphere.

So this here's a warnin'to the boogers that stop by an read what ol' JimBobby sez. If the sumbitch Desmond Jones shows hisself on yer boog comments, slap his racist piehole til it swells up so fat that no more garbagetalk spills out. If he shows up here I told'm he's gonna get hisself a double order o' JimBobby-flavoured knuckle samwitches but like I sed up at the top, I gotta go haul sum stuff this mornin' an' I might not be here t' slap his stoopid head so if anybuddy else sees him here or anywhere else I'm askin' that you don't let evil triumph an' you don't sit on yer keester an' do diddly while Desmond spews racist filth.

Yore trooly,

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

A Bottle o' Good Ale fer the House

Ol' Ralphie Good Ale is pullin' hisself a leaf outta Pryminster Fartin' Martin's notebook an' deliverin' up a budget that aim's t' please everbuddy. Leastwise, if you ken believe what they say in this here CP story in the Yahoo News. Good Ale ain't actually spilled any o' his homebrew onta the floor o' the commonhouse o' parliment yet an' he's gonna wait until later on today t' do that. These writin' gals onta the CP payroll sez they gotta purty good idee what's gonna spill outta Good Ale's beer bottle when he gets up on his hind legs this afternoon an' shows everbuddy his new boots.

Now, ol' Ralphfeller's gotta divvie up the budget goodies t' make everbuddy happy on accounta the Gritfellers's in the minority with only 133 sittin' in their lightweight brigade. Cordin' t' the selfsame sexy gals o' the CP, Sandra Cordon an' Sue Bailey, a lotta Good Ale's brew is gonna get poured inta the Canajun Forces. $13 billion, t' be exact. That's where RalphBoy is tryin' kiss up t' the Toryfellers. Away last spring when I watched the CPC leadership debate onta the TV, ol' Harpoon an' B.Linda an' Tony Inclementweatherman was up onta their hind legs an' outbiddin' one another sayin' they's gonna give the army boys $1.5 billion or mebbe even $2 billion a year. Ralphie's pourin' his $13 billion worth o' Good Ale out over 5 years so anybuddy with a paper n' pencil can work it out that the Gritfellers's givin' the army boys an' girls more'n Harpoon or B.Linda was talkin' 'bout. That ought shut'm up while they sip on that.

Ol' Sandie an' Susie's also sayin' that this here budget's gonna make sum taxes lower an' that's the sorta thing that the Harpoon gang is always after so it should make'm happy but it won't, I reckon. The Toryfellers ain't ever gonna be happy til there's no taxes at all an' I ain't sayin' that's good or bad but it does make me scratch my noggin wondrin' how they intend t' help out ol' BushyEyebrows with his ballstick missile fence if there's no tax money in the kitty.

The Toryfellers ain't the onliest remembers o' parliment that's gettin' treated to a glass or two o' Good Ale's brew. The DippyWips underneath o' ol' HappyJack Laydown is gettin' a big ol' servin' o' sociable programs like they's always blatherin' on about. Ralphfeller's pourin' sum ale inta that there Kyoto Accordion an' that's aimed at kissin' ol' HappyJack's brand new 'ppendicitis scar. There's big glasses o' Good Ale fer the immigrants comin' t' this great home an' native land - $400 million worth. There's another $500 million fer the oldtimey senior folks an' a coupla hundred million fer the First Nations folks's houses an' schools. They's cuttin' down the number o' weeks o' real workin' needed before you can sit back an' draw pogey, too. All them things is probbly gonna make HappyJack's crew happy but watch'm bitch 'bout it anyways. Fer remembers o' paliment, bitchin' is what they's paid fer, so don't mind'm too much fer doin' what they's sposed t'.

Now it looks like the gummint's got gallons an' gallons o' Good Ale but RalphieBoy sez that the pennies is scarce as hen's teeth on accounta he give it all t' the providences fer healthcare so's they could snip short the waitin' time when yer at the doctor's office havin'm check out yer leaky plumbin' or yer creaky ball joints. I ain't so sure on accounta so far, I ain't seen any evidence o' shortages o' gummint money or shortenin' up in the doctor's office waitin' time department.

Now we jest gotta set back onta our keesters an' wait t' see if ol' Susie an' Sandie got their insider information from a creditable deep throat or if they got sold a bottle o' skunky Good Ale.

Yores trooly,

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Language Money: Igloo-builders Gettin' None Of It

Whooee! I jest seen this here CP story in the Yahoo News that starts out with:
Frustrated by what it calls poor funding for Nunavut's mother tongue, the territorial government says it is negotiating with Ottawa to have Inuktitut declared Canada's third official language.
That would force the federal government to correct an imbalance that has it spending more than $3,500 per francophone on French services in Nunavut and nothing on the language most residents actually speak, said territorial Culture Minister Louis Tapardjuk.
The CP sez that that there's only 415 parlay-voo speakers up there in the frozen terrytory but there's 25,500 igloo-builders that do their speechifyin' in their native lingo called Inuktitut. The CP's Bobfeller Weber who wrote up the story sez that neither one o' Canadee's official lingos is what's bein' spoke by most o' folks livin' in None-of-it. Bobfeller sez that 70 percents worth o' the whole ding-dong terrytory is speakin' in that there Tut-tut-tut lingo.

Well, I ain't fer the gummint throwin' money out the window an' I ain't done me much studyin' onta this here native lingo dealie but it seems t' me that ol' Fartin' Martin's civilian servants oughta be able t' talk back an' forth with the folks they's sposed t' be servin'. Ol' PollyWolly opened up the door t' everbuddy an' their second cuzzins lookin' fer sum gummint dough when he give them billions t' ol' Danny Millions. These here igloo-builders ain't askin' fer too much so JimBobby sez let's try t' at least meet'm haffway in the middle.

Yores trooly,

Monday, February 21, 2005

Into the Valley of Death Rode the 133

Whooee! Away back in sum olden days a poetfeller name o' Alfred the Lord o' Tennisplayers wrote hisself a poem that starts out like this:
Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
"Forward, the Light Brigade!
"Charge for the guns!" he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
That there poem come t' mind when I read this here story inta the Trawna Star 'bout the Gritfellers an' the Toryfellers an' the Blockfellers all makin' sum preemie-emptive moves so's Canajuns aren't pointin' their fingers when an' if this here gummint falls down on its ass on accounta ol' Fartin' Martin's budget is a flop in the parliment. Ol' AlfieBoy's poem made me think that the Valley o' Death was the commonhouse o' parliment an' the 600 was the 133 in ol' Pryminister PollyWolly's brigade. Sum smartypants fellers call that all gorey but I don't expect no real blood t' flow.

Now when you wanna read a story inta the Trawna Star, you gotta sign up with'm an' tell'm a few tidbits 'bout yerself. Sum folks like protectin' their privacy so they don't wanna do that. Fer them that don't think that the horseyback ridin' RCMPfellers an' the C-SISSIES an' the YankeeDoodlin' FBI an' the CIA don't already know which hand you use t' wipe yer poophole, I'm pastin' a little bit o' that there Trawna Star piece in here.
The Liberals and opposition parties are already set to blame each other if the federal budget to be delivered on Wednesday were to be defeated, bringing down the minority government and plunging the country into an election.
The Starpaper story has sum little quotations from a smatterin' o' remembers o' parliment all sayin' it's gonna be the other fellers' fault if Canajuns get forced t' take that there plunge. Plungin' inta most things ain't so pleasant. Plungin' inta cold water when yer ice fishin' an' yer sheepboots fill up ain't any fun. Gettin' yer head shoved underwater in one o' them there babtism tanks can't be fun but sum folks sez it's like they's comin' outta the birth-hole a second time an' that makes'm happy as Larry.

I hear tell lotsa Canajuns ain't too thrilled 'bout takin' a plunge inta the election pool so soon after the last dip only last June. I ain't so sure. I think it's mostly the big P party poopers holdin' the party purse-strings is all nervouslike 'bout plungin'. Ol' JimBobby likes it when there's an election campaign on accounta all them politicky fellers an' gals come by the house an' make promises they ain't gonna keep an' get up onta the TV an' throw dirt inta the face o' the other fellers an' that's so funny that it makes the tears roll down yer pantlegs.

The onliest troublem I see with havin' an election vote is that fer weeks an' weeks afterwards, the remembers o' parliment fergit 'bout the votin' Canajuns an sit on their big fat politicky keesters an' don't do diddly. So use yer plunger or don't but let's get down t' brass tacks an' take care o' the bizness o' runnin' this here home an' native land.

Yores trooly,

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Dubya Gave Stevie Harpoon a Scoldin'

Whooee! Here's what I jest come across in the Yahoo News:
"George W. Bush scolded Conservative Leader Stephen Harper for his silence on missile defence and asked him to help secure Canadian involvement in the U.S. plan, The Canadian Press has learned."
Some fellers an' gals in this here Canajun boogeysphere sez that ol' Harpoon's a kissass fer GeorgieDubya but this proves that he ain't elsewise he'd be hopping to it an' start doing like Dubya sez instead o' wastin' all his breath on this boy-boy girl-girl marryin' thing. Now that it's all out in the public eyeball, ol' Harpoon's gonna have a tuff time talkin' 'bout the ballstick missile fence without everbuddy thinkin' he's a puppet on ol' Bushfeller's string.

Sumpin' else was in that CP story:
"Please don't play partisan politics with this."
"I would hope you're looking at this in Canada's national interest and not in terms of partisan politics," Bush reportedly told Harper.
One o' Georgie's fellers sed "The president might not be following Canada that closely..." I believe it or else he wouldn't o' asked ol' Harpoon not t' play polyticks on accounta that's how everbuddy plays everthing up there in Ottywa an the ballstick missile fence ain't gonna be no different.

So ol' Stevefeller's gotta make it plain that he ain't Dubya's north o' the border poodledog by mostly keepin' quiet 'bout the missile fence an' if he ever he does get up onta his hind legs an' say sumpin', he's gonna hafta say it in a partisan politicky way.

Yores trooly,

Outrage o' the Week

Whooee! I like watchin' them pundidiot fellers an' gals onta the CNN Capital Gangster Show on Saturday evenin's. They got themselves that smiley-faced feller Bobby Novak what spilled the beans on the CIA spy lady Valerie Plame an' they got that little munchkin-lookin' gal Margie Carlson that's onta the lefthand side o' the fence an' that there Katie O'Beirne who sounds like she'd like t' take over Monica Lewinsky's position under Dubya's desk in the oval office an' that white-haired ol' Al Hunt that looks sorta like a Kennedy an' the guy what usually runs the show is the pudgy one with the big specs, Mark Shields.

One o' the things them there Capital Gangsters do at the end of every show is this thing they call the Outrage o' the Week. Since I aim t' be a bigtime booger in the Canajun boogeysphere, I thought I'd do a little copycattin' on that idee an have me an Outrage o' the Week an' since I been boogin' fer about a week now, I'd better get at it if I'm gonna do it. So this is it.

What's got me so mad I could chew nails an' fart tacks is this here bizness 'bout these rotten bastards that's killing them there baldy eagles out there in BC an' choppin'm up fer parts. So far, they found 26 o' these here mutilated eagles an' who's t' say there ain't more what ain't been found yet. I see now that a First Nations bunch an' a township bunch has pooled their dough an' are offerin' up a reward o' $4,000.

Now from what I hear tell, these sumbitches that's doin' the eagle murderin' is sellin' the big feathers an' the clawfeet as sum sorta souvenirs or fer their magical powers an' these here bird parts fetch a pretty penny in the black marketplace. I think it'd be a good idee if that there reward money could be more than the measly $4,000 an' mebbe the providential gummint or the gummint o' Canadee could get in on the act an' raise up the bounty on these here dickheads that's killin' them eagles.

Yores trooly,

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Hockey Schmockey (or mebbe not)

Whooee! Now, mebbe I'm gonna get onta the wrong side o' some fellers an' gals when I say I ain't got much use fer this here perfessional NHL hockey bizness. The fact o' the matter is that most regular folks like ol' JimBobby an' Ma an' the younguns can't afford t' pay a hundred smackers or more t' go an' watch some millionaire prettyboys skatin' around the Air Canadee Centre or the Saddle Dome or the Montreal Forum. Most real life folks got better stuff fer spendin' their pennies on like groceries or clothes fer the kiddies or rent or car insurance (or mebbe a two-four or a bag o' bud once in a while).

So when I heard tell that the NHL hockey season was all washed up, I figgered that was no skin offa my beak. That was before I saw onta the Lloyd Robertson TV News Show that this hockey bizness is mighty important t' the 'conomy o' Canadee. The CTV news sed that the season not happenin' is gonna cost the Canajun 'conomy $350 million an' is puttin' 8,000 workin' folks outta work an' that ain't countin' the hockey players who got lotsa dough anyways. So now I'm wondrin' if mebbe this here lost season o' hockey is scrapin' some skin offa my sniffer an' I'm thinkin' that it probbly is.

When I read this here CP news story onta the Yahoo News where they's sayin ol' Fartin' Martin's makin' some jokey jokes 'bout there bein' no hockey season , I got t' wondrin' whether ol' Pryministerfeller PollyWolly was castin' his mind onta them 8,000 workin' folks who ain't workin' when he's a-cracklin' the one-line joke stories. I'm guessin' he ain't give that much thought like I din't give it much thought before they told me 'bout it onta ol' Lloydfeller's news show.

Now, I reckon bein' jest a simple feller I got a reasonable good excuse fer not knowin' what this no hockey season is doin' t' the Canajun 'conomy but ol' Pryminister Martin oughta have a better pitcher inta his head on accounta him havin' been the financial minister an' such a smarty Farty Marty when it comes t' the dollars an' cents an' the Canajun job situation an' the fact that the CTV fellers got their numbers from offa Statistics Canadee.

Now I don't figger ol' PollyWolly's lookin' at this here boog but if he is what JimBobby sez t' ol' Pryminister Fartin' Martin is if you don't know what's what then I reckon you should oughta know an' if you do know what's what then, by the Jeezuz, how come yer jokin' about it?

Yores trooly,

Mr. Dithers, the Pryminister o' Canadee

Whooee! I see onta the CBC that ol' Pryminster Fartin' Martin's homeboys is all gatherin' round an' comin' t' the defense on accounta this here limey magazine article that called him Mr. Dithers. When the fellers at that there Economist magazine starts up findin' fault with PollyWolly Martin, his own gang knows that they gotta get up on their hind legs an' say good things 'bout their bossman on accounta that's the way things work in polyticks even if the connymist magazine writin' fellers was right.

Sumpin' that caught ol' JimBobby's eyeball on last Monday or Tuesday was this here cartoon drawin' feller Fewings had hisself a funny comic pitcher o' the Pryminister Martin an' he called him Mr. Dithers. I stole the cartoon yer lookin' at from offa ol' Fewings's website but you ken click yer mouse onto it an' see a bigger one that's easier on the eyeballs.

Now this here limey magazine is callin' ol' Fartin' Martin by the selfsame Mr. Dithers nickname. When a Canajun like ol' JohnnyBoy Fewings did the name-callin', the Pryminister's gang din't take no notice but now they's all huffy an' puffy back at the limeys like they's more important. The limeys gotta cartoon pitcher inta their website, too, an' I'm wondrin' if they got the idee from ol' Fewings. Course, the Mr. Dithers name comes from that there Dagwood Bumsted cartoon comic strip so they both sorta stole that.

Now, the reason that everbuddy's callin' ol' Martin by the name Mr. Dithers is on accounta he's a wishy-washy go with the flow kinda feller who's tryin' t' make everbuddy happy as Larry. Well, my ol' Pappy used t' say that you can't please all o' the folks all o' the time. I don't think my ol' Pappy made that up an' you'd think ol' Farty Marty might o' heard that once or twice hisself an' paid sum tension.

That there limey magazine sez they think mebbe this here pryminister job is too bigguva chore fer ol' Fartin' Martin an' mebbe they's right an' mebbe they ain't but it's Canajuns who's gotta live underneath of him an' not the limeys an' we ken tell ol' Farty Marty we want sumbuddy new next time we get an election vote. Mebbe by then ol' StevieBoy'll quit wasting all o' his time onta fightin' the selfsame sexy marryin' law an' get hisself down t' brass tacks.

Yores trooly,

Friday, February 18, 2005

Inky Wells Roomer Mill (an' sum other stuff)

Ol' PollyWolly Inkwells has latched hisself onto a bit o' grist fer the roomer mill an' he sez that the sharpest new tack in the Tory tackbox is B.Linda Stronach. Ol' Inky sez that B.Linda got up onto her hind legs an' did a fine bit o' speechifyin' t' the other remembers o' parliment an' that there speech is what got 'em all t' vote agin sum damn fool restructurin' idee that ol' Pryminister Fartin' Martin was a-floatin'. Ol' Pollyfeller sez that B.Linda got herself a speechwritin' feller by the name o' Derek Burney who used t' work fer ol' Lyin' Brian Mulrooney.

Now young B.Linda is one them good pergressive live an' let live conservatives what's come out an' sez this here boy-boy girl-girl marryin' ain't such a bad idee. I hear tell there's a few others that ain't had their brains washed up by the vangelizers or the Sikhs or the Pope's fellers or the Hutterites or ol' Stevie Harpoon. An' what's this here bizness 'bout StevieBoy sayin' that none o' his team ken get up on their hind legs an' say nothin' 'bout this here selfsame sexy stuff without him readin' what they's gonna say an' puttin' his stamp of approvement onto it?

Another conservative feller that come out fer equalizin' the marryin' rights is ol' DannyBoy Millions outta Newfie. (Jest so's y' know it was PollyWolly Inkwells dreamed up that Danny Millions nickname fer the providential preemie an' not ol' JimBobby.) Well anyways, ol' DannyBoy's ridin' high in the popularity pools in Newfie an' he come out yesterday an' sed he's fer boy-boy girl-girl marryin'. Now, ol' Dannyfeller ain't a remember o' parliment so he ain't got a vote on this here thing but I say good fer him fer speakin' his mind without askin' ol' Harpoon if it's alright fer him t' open his yap.

There's sum other conservatives has got their heads outta their poopholes on this here selfsame sexy thing, too, like that there Calgary feller JimmyBoy Prentice. There's sum churches got on the side o' freedom, too, an that's the United Church o' Canadee an' the Muslim Canajun Congress.

I got me a coupla lezzy gals livin' right next door an' they mind their own bizness an' I mind mine like good naybers oughta. Them gals got themselves a coupla younguns an' them there younguns is the nicest kiddies you'd ever wanna know. Truth be told, they's a lot nicer than the little peckers I got an' Ma an' I are all married up legal like an' them two lezzy gals ain't.

Like I was tellin' sumbuddy yesterday, ol' Stevie's got bigger fish t' fry than this here marryin' dealie. All his arguin' is 'bout as useless as a striptease at a nudie camp on accounta that there marryin' bill's gonna pass no matter what. As leader o' the opposin' side, he oughta quit wastin' everbuddy's time an' aim his harpoon at things that matter like this here ballstick missile fence and ol' General Clarkson's first-class airplane trips t' Noo York an' Yerp.

Yores trooly,

The Orangecoats are Comin'

Whooee! Ol' General Adrienne got her adriennalin all elevatored 'bout this here young Jeremy feller gettin' throwed outta the Reedough Hall like I was yammerin' on about yesterday. Now, the General's fallin' all over herself sayin' she's sorry such a terrible thing happened inside o' her house an' won't the youngun come back sometime an' have a cup o' tea. An' pore little Jeremy sez he's sorry, too. What in hell has Jeremy got t' be sorry 'bout is what I'm wondrin'. I guess when sumbuddy tells you they's sorry then you come back at 'em with a pologee o' yer own all automatic-like.

I seen ol' General Clarkson in her dayglow orange overcoat onta Lloyd Robertson's TV show last night flappin' her gums t' all the mainstreet media fellers what was all crowded round the front door o' the Reedough Hall. The manistreeters sez she's a-runnin' in fullspeed damage control mode. If she wants t' control the damages then why ain't she trotted out that there tour-guidin' goon what caused the mess in the firstest place an' made him grovel an' kiss ass t' the press an' ol' Jeremy an' the Canajuns who's all in a rightful lather 'bout free speechifyin'?

An' now the General's a-barkin' out orders t' JeremyBoy that he's gotta write her a thousand word piece 'bout the role o' the Gumner General. If that don't beat all! How 'bout the General Adrienne write up a thousand words on that selfsame thing. I'm bettin' there's plenty o' Canajuns that'd be keen t' know jest who this here General Clarkson thinks she is.

Yores trooly,

Thursday, February 17, 2005

General Clarkson's Gettin' Under My Skin

Whooee! I was watchin' ol' Lloyd Robertson onta the TV last night an' he was tellin' a tale what got me all in a lather 'bout ol' General Adrienne Clarkson an' her gang o' goons up t' Reedough Hall. Ol' Lloyd sed that there was this here group o' younguns takin' a guided tour o' the Reedough Hall when one o' the kids asked 'bout the lady that spends all the money fer her majestic Queen Lizzabeth o' Canadee. When the goon that was leadin' that there tour heard what the young feller sed, he throwed the whole bunch outta Reedough Hall like they's sum sorta terrists.

Yesterday I was talkin' in this here boog 'bout another lady general that bein' General Sheila Fraser an' today I'm growsin' 'bout this here General Adrienne. I don't want the gals readin' this here boog t' get the idee that ol' JimBobby's got sumpin' agin lady generals cause I ain't. I think boy generals ken do dumbass things, too, but right this minit it's a coupla lady generals is actin' all stoopidlike.

That youngun never got the answer t' his question an' I think he deserves to know where ol' General Clarkson spends the hard-earned cash she gets from ol' Pryminister Fartin' Martin an' the other remembers o' parliment. Ol' Stevie Harpoon's bin all quiet on the western front 'bout this here General Clarkson on accounta them there conservatives is all fond o' traditional stuff like boy-girl marryin' an' bowin' down t' ol' Queen Liz an' her brood o' inbred younguns.

That there youngun learnt hisself a lesson 'bout free speechifyin' an' it wern't the sorta lesson oughta bin taught at the Reedough Hall. Now I see that that there youngun's school wants t' toss'm out on his ear fer gettin' them kicked outta the Reedough Hall. Ain't that sum lesson that there princypal is givin' t' that there young feller?

I'm thinkin' if ol' Stevie wants a good place t' toss his harpoon it'd be at ol' General Adrienne's backside an' I seen in this mornin's newspaper that Harppon's talkin' tuff 'bout this here budget vote that's comin' up soon. Mebbe ol' Harpoon an' B.Linda an' PeteyBoy Mackay ken get themselves all on the same side o' the fence an' tell ol' Fartin' Martin he's gotta put the kibosh onta ol' General Clarkson an' her high an' mighty free speech killin', million dollar spendin', luxury trip takin' an' all round snooty-tooty attytude. That there's the sorta thing that would get Canajuns behind ol' Harpoon an' his bunch.

Yores trooly,

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

CBC Sez Our Homeland Ain't Secure

Whooee! Radio-Canadee - that's the parlay-voo version o' the CBC - has got themselves all whipped up into a frenzy over the homeland security up there in Q-beck's dam projects away up north. I stole this here photygraph offa the CBC an' it's showin' how one them there terrists could hop the fence an' stop the hydro from a-powerin' up a million Q-beckers. The feller in the pitcher ain't a real terrist I don't think but he's makin' believe that he is.

Now, the CBC story sez that the bigboys at Hydro Q-beck tried t' stop the CBC fellers from tellin' their tale on accounta they jest might be givin' them there terrists an idee or two. This here judge feller wouldn't hear tell o' that an' sez that the CBC can blab away all they want an' give them terrists a plan fer cuttin' off the 'lectric. An', guess what? That's zackly what the CBC done. The story that I linked to up there at the top is tellin' the terrists step-by-step-like jest how they went a-breakin' an' enterin' at some big ol' dam project in the wilds o' north Q-beck.

Now, that there story might make fer some good readin' onto the CBC fer a day or two but if them there terrists decide they's gonna do like them there CBC fellers sez, then nobuddy is gonna be able to listen to that there Radio-Canadee or watch the TV on accounta the hydro's gonna be out. I betcha them radio fellers is gonna be sorry if that happens but maybe not if they got shares bought up in the EverReady Battery stock market.

An speakin' o' homeland security, ol' Elvis over at that there Egroup told everybody today that he leaves his back door wide open every night awaitin' fer burglars that ain't come yet. I see over to his own little ol' boog he's got him a sticker sayin' he likes the CBC. He an' them CBC fellers is askin' fer trouble, if you ask ol' JimBobby, which a-course they ain't. But if'n they was t' ask, I'd o' told 'em don't be a-blabbin' about yer open door policy.

Ol' Elvis was a-yammerin' on that there Egroup about General Sheila Fraser an' her a-tellin' the whole wide world 'bout troublems inside o' the gummint computers that makes it so's bad fellers can go a-snoopin' an' find out all about personal secret stuff like whether ol' JimBobby ever got hisself arrested an' throwed in the jailhouse fer anythin'. Now I ain't sayin' I been locked up an' I ain't sayin' I ain't. The onliest thing is that I figger that's between me an' them horseyback ridin' police fellers an' it ain't no bizness o' these here hacksters that ol' General Fraser is worried 'bout.

Yores trooly,

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Stoppin' by a Bushlot on a Snotty Night

Whooee! I was just castin' my mind back to when ol' JimBobby was young JimBobby. Away back then, the school teacher made us all rememberize this here poem by Bob Frost. I'm not sure if ol' Bob was any relation to that more famous Frost feller, Jack. Ol' Bob Frost got hisself lassooed as poet lariat fer the USofA by ol' Jack Kennedy afore that sumbitch Ozwald blew Jack's head off.

Well the long an' the short of it is that I was gatherin' some cordwood an' I come up with my own version o' ol' Bob's poem. Ol' Frosty called his poem Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening . I call my version Stoppin' by a Bushlot on a Snotty Night.

Whose bushlot this is I think I know.
He lives amongst the townfolk though;
He ain't gonna catch me an' that's good,
Cause I'm fillin' my trailer with his cordwood.

Some folks are sayin' this owner's queer,
But that don't mean much t' folks round here;
We don't give two hoots where he plants his cock,
As long as it ain't in my wife or somebody's livestock.

This bushlot's purty an' there's lots o' logs
An' it makes a nice place fer walkin' the dogs;
But a cruiser's slowin' down an' I'm hard t' miss.
I'll tell 'em I was jest havin' a piss.

This bushlot's purty an' the cordwood's dry,
But the cops is comin' so I better fly.
Next time I see the owner, I'll give'm a wink,
But careful-like on accounta what the townfolk think.

Yores trooly,

Boogers on my BoogRoll

Whooee! Ol' JimBobby's an old dog but this here boog is a-teachin' me some new tricks. I jest made me a boogroll an' it don't look too badly if'n I do say so myself. I named my boogroll Other Boogers an' it's over there on the righthand side o' my boog.

The fellers an' gals I'm a-linkin' to on this here boogroll is either them that's bin so kindly as t' leave a comment on my little boog or else theys mentioned my boog inta their boog or else theys bigtime boogers in the boogeysphere an' I'm a kissin' their backsides so's they'll mebbe cast their eyeballs on ol' JimBobby Sez.

If'n you wanna be on my boogroll, jest leave me a comment or else talk about me in yer boog or else send me some money t' help with buyin' that there minnyvan I'm wantin'. Shucks! I'm jest a-spoofin' on the "send me money" part - leastwise fer now. If I can figger out how to get me one them there PayMePal bank accounts, mebbe you can send me some dough. Fer now, I'm jest a no-account booger.

Yores trooly,

Monday, February 14, 2005

Ol' McGuinty's a-lookin' fer sum dough

Ol' Squinty McGuinty's got hisself all wired up like a Chrissmas tree 'bout this here Newfie oil deal. Ol' Dalton an' his gang is a-sayin' that them there Newfies is gettin' the long end o' the stick an' them there Ontariariarians is a-takin' it up the pooper.

Now the big feller in Ottawa is Fartin' Martin an' he ain't a-takin' any o' ol' Dalton's guff. Pryminister Martin is a-comin' back at ol' Ginty and sez that Ontariariario is a-gettin' 40 percents worth more than they was a-gettin'. Now it's a-lookin' like Lord Calvert's reserve over in Saskskakewan an' them fellers up there in Sargeant Prestonland are a-fixin' t' get their just rewards, too.

Now, ol' Inky Wells over t' the Macleans is a-spoutin' on this here Newfie deal an PollyWolly sez that ol' DannyBoy was all full o' horsepuckey when he was a-carryin' on an' pullin' down the Canajun maple leaf from offa them there Newfie flagpoles. Ol' PollyWolly Inkwells sez that the new Newfie deal ain't a lick different than the old Newfie deal afore them flags started a-comin' down.

Now in this here photygraf that I stole offa the CBC, it's lookin' like ol' Dalton's a-cryin' in his beer pitcher an' he's practicin' his hitch-hikin' moves. He's mebbe worried that if them there Newfies an' sodbusters an' igloo builders get all o' Ontariariario's dough, he's gonna lose his limousine an' hafta hitch a ride t' the Queen's Park.

I'm jest waitin' fer them have-not providences to take enuff o' ol' Dalton's dough that they can buy Trawna an' drag it over t' Newfie or out t' Saskskakewan or mebbe up to them Northwestern Terrytories.

Yores trooly,

If you liked the gun registry, yer gonna luv this

I was just havin' a gander at the ol' CBC news an' I see this here story 'bout them there Liberals a-wantin' t' move the civilian servants out t' the boonies. More servants is always a good thing. Ma could use some help with the nappie-washin' an I'd sorta like someone t' fetch me a beer when the younguns is busy with book-learnin'. Them 3 pitbulls bin a-crappin' in the yard all winter an' a servant could tidy it up some. Might even find that there motorsickle what got lost in the tall grass.

When it comes t' servants, I say the same as ol' Dubya - bring 'em on.

The onliest troublem I'm a-seein' with this here servant dealie is that the one sposed t' run the show is the same one runnin' that there gun registry. Now I don't know 'bout you but whooeee t' my way o' thinkin' that there gun list is a-gratin' on my ol' nerves. I'm sure glad the same folks ain't a-runnin' the beer store elsewise a two-four'd cost 'bout 3000 smackers.

Cordin' t' the CBC, the one runnin' this here show is someone name o' Marionette Fill-me-in. Sounds t' me like some sorta hungry puppet an' judgin' by the cost o' that there gun thingy, this here marionette's piggy bank is a-gonna be needin' a whole lotta fillin' in.

So here's what I gotta say on this here civilian servant deal. I'll take all them there servants they can dish out long as I don't hafta pay any dough on accounta I'm a-savin' my dough fer a minnyvan. I was just tellin' ol' Currypowder yesterday that I'm a-hopin' that there goalie feller Dryden's gonna coff up the dough fer my minnyvan.

Yores trooly,

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Canajun Boogers at War

Whooee! I bin lookin' deeper at this here Canajun boogeysphere an' I see that there's a whole lotta pissin' matches goin' on. There's this here Warrin' Kinsellerfeller got hisself into a snit with some other boogers - Andy and Donny and Normy. Andy and Normy are bigtime newspaper fellers an' Donny's some sorta legendary booger in the boogeysphere. Andy and Normy got last names but Donny's like ol' JimBobby an' he ain't a-tellin' his real name.

They might be a-barkin' up the wrong tree when they start a war with a feller named Warrin'. Seems this Kinsellerfeller's tied in with John Cretin an' Normy sez Kinsellerfeller's the one gave ol' Cretin them there golf balls. Well, not all of 'em. Just the one that came from them Hoggleveee lawyers where ol' Justus Gomery's girl works. Kinsellerfeller ain't tickled t' be called a crook by Andy an' them other fellers an' he sez he's a-gonna drag their sorry asses inta court an' soo 'em fer tellin' lies.

If yer readin' this, ol' Kinsellerfeller, JimBobby ain't a-pointin' any fingers so you don't need to be sooin' me. Besides which, I ain't got anything you'd be wantin' anyways. I might be gettin' me a minnyvan sometime soon, though, but I'd just as soon you don't soo it out from under my sorry ass on account I'm gonna use it fer daycare fer the younguns.

Yores trooly,

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Around the Canajun Boogeysphere

So I been doin' some wandrin' around this here Canajun boogeysphere an' I see that they got themselves all bamboozled about right an' left. This here flag-wavin' feller Brooks sez "left is never right." Then there's this here other flag-flyin' feller Robert who sez "the right is wrong." Polyticks! All this here polyticks is confusin'. I don't know whether to wind my dinner or swallow my watch.

Seems these Canajun boogers all got their knickers in a knot over this here walmart deal. This here pogge guy sez that the unions can't make up their mind whether to boycott walmart or not. What I'm wondrin' is if the store's closed how they gonna boycott? Then there's these here Shotgun folks. Whooee! They get themselves all riled. Theys all worried about the crazy Q-beckers maybe gonna bomb that there walmart. Guess them Q-beckers got a histry a bombin' things like mailboxes.

I stumbled onto this here E Group. This Elvis guy that runs the show over there sez its sposed to be all fair an' balanced polyticks. Looks to me like there all left wing liberal lovin' Troodoughmaniac leftovers from the hippie-dippie sixties. Ol' Elvis sez he wears sock n sandals like that's some kinda good thing.

I'd like to see all them there Shotgunners get into a bare-knuckle boxin' match with them there Egroupers. By the Jesus boys I'm bettin' the fur would fly in that there pissin' contest.

Speakin' of pissin' I'm seein' that this here Canajun boogeysphere ain't all polyticks. There's this here cordeen player Joey seems pretty big. He's on about that chess playin' pisstank I talked about yesterday. Ol' Joey looks like he does okay with the ladies. I heard tell that the babes like cordeen players on accounta they know how to push the right buttons.

Well friends, Ol' Spot's runnin' around in circles at the back door. I'd better get him out before there's any more pissin' goin' on.

Yores trooly,

Friday, February 11, 2005

Aw... piss on it!

This here Colby feller uses a lotta big words an' I don't catch on to a lotta his blatherin'. He's goin' on about some sorta IM an' somethin' called RA. I thought maybe it was somethin' to do with radioactive instant messaging but it's way better. Ol' Colby sez some big chess playin' champ got all lickered up an' pissed on the chessboard right in front of a buncha chess fans. Guess that made fer some excitement an' by the Jesus boys we knows that chess ain't exactly the most excitin' sport they ever invented.

Yores trooly,


Torture on the TV

Watchin' the TV can be torture. Specially when yer watchin' ol' Dubya or that there dickhead Cheney feller rattlin' on 'bout freedom an' liberty an' killin' an' hatin' an' stoppin' queers from gettin' hitched. Or when yer watchin' them despret housewives. As if that ain't torture enough already, some limey TV guys are gonna put on another one of them there reality shows. They say this is gonna be like Gitmo only instead a bein' captured an' held forever, the torturees are gonna be volunteers an' they get let off if they live. I've heard tell of these here S&M places where preverts go to get all whipped by fat ladies in leather undies. Guess it'll be kinda like that.

Yores trooly,

Free Smack in Van

I was just readin' a story on the Canajun Broadcorping Castration all about the free junk that they got in Vancouver. I got me a few junkie friends and Lord Thunderin' Jesus they're gonna be happy as Larry when they get wind of this. The CBC said that the smack is doled out at some sorta clinic. The pitcher didn't look too good. That there clinic don't look very sanitary to me.

Yores trooly,


Thursday, February 10, 2005

Yippee! I'm a booger.

So I was readin' a story in the Trawna Star on these here jernal things. Boogs they call 'em. The feller at the Star said anybody could publicate their own boog and it don't cost nothin'. I figger I'm as much an anybody as anybody else so what the heck. They say these here boogs is where you can tell it like you see it and the whole gosh darn world can read what yer thinkin'.

Helloooo world. This here's JimBobby comin' at ya with my boogity-boog-boog-boog.