I hadda smorgyboard o' choices fer this week's outrage. There was that dumbass racist over t' General Brock's boog got me hot under the collar. Ol' Fartin' Martin an' his pointy man in Washington couldn't get their stories straight 'bout the ballstick missiles. That there daycare centre in Edmonton fergot about one the kiddies again. The WalMarket was slappin' around its Canajun workin' folks again. The possibilities was nearly endless but I hadta make a choice so here goes.
What's got me mad enuff t' chew nails an' fart tacks this week is sum smartass YankeeDoodlers showin' a heap o' disrepect t' their next-door naybers that bein' Canadee. Over t' RobertyBob's Blahg he gets sum foamin' at the mouth Canuck-haters spoutin' off in his comments department an' one of'm posted up a link t' this here store where they's sellin' all kinds o' stuff carryin' a bastardized pitcher o' the Canajun maple leaf flag with great big capital red letters that sez "FUCK Canada". I pologize if you got yer kiddies settin' on yer lap while yer readin' this on accounta I don't usually like usin' that sorta guttermouth talk inta my boog but it's the main part o' my outrage so I got no choice.
That there store's got all sortsa T-shirts an' coffee mugs an' other doo-dads all made up with that nasty flag plastered on. This here doggy shirt is jest one o' pieces o' crap they's tryin' t' flog but they got lots more an' none of it is sumpin' anybuddy oughta be wearin' in Nunavut or anyplace else in Canadee or anyplace else onta the face o' the planet earth if they know what's good fer 'em. This little wee pitbull dog can't help what gets put on his back so if you see one walkin' on the street it'd be best if you took up the fight with the feller or gal on the end o' the leashrope an' not the dog.
The asswipes who put this Canuck-hate website store onta the internet sez this 'bout our home an' native land:
It's hard to think of a simpler way to say it. The Canucks are useless allies. They have screwed us in the War on terror. Let them know you know it with these products.Ol' JimBobby has quite a few suggestions fer what t' do if you happen t' see anybuddy wearin' any o' this gear.
If yer in Newfie an' you come across a dumb sumbitch wearin' a FUCK Canada T-shirt, try strappin'm to an' iceberg or rollin'm down Signal Hill or nailin'm t' Rawlins' Cross. If yer in Nova Scotia, do sum step dancin' on his neck. If yer in PEI, dig up sum spuds an' shove'm up his poophole. If yer in New Brunswick, slather'm up with moose lure an' leave'm in the bush.
If yer in Q-beck, force-feed'm a bushel basket o' cold poutine with a side order o' knuckle samwitches. If yer in Ontariariario, take yer cue from the PEI fellers only instead o' spuds, see how many Maple Leafs hockey sticks you ken fit up his keester.
If yer on the prairie, jest stick his front end down a prairie dog hole an' that'll leave his back end ready fer sumpin' like what the PEI an' 'tario folks done. Elsewise, you could tie'm to a lamp post at Portage an' Main wearing thong undies from that there store. If he cries, "Rape", jest tell the judgefeller that the way he was dressed he was askin' fer it.
If yer in Alberty, you got an excess o' cattle an' this type o' feller'd make good floorboards fer a little stampede. I reckon he'd enjoy a little drag-behind in a chuckwagon race, too.
If you see one o' these fellers out in BC, strip'm down to his FUCK Canada undies an' hoist'm t' the top of a big ol' totem pole. The baldy eagles'll do the rest.
If yer up in the terrytories yer always lookin' fer high protein meat fer the dog team or a skin t' use fer a flap-door onta yer igloo. One o' these Canuck-haters could serve dual duty.
Sum folks might say I shouldn't oughta link t' that store on accounta it gives'm free advertisin'. JimBobby sez horsehit. I seen they gotta tollfree number fer that store an' I figger it'd be a good thing if that there phone started ringin' offa the hook with fake orders from all over Canadee. Mebbe their email box'll fill up with letters from Canajuns an' non-nutjob Yanks who figger they's promotin' a hate-yer-nayber policy. Mebbe sum smarty code-writin' feller ken launch a denial o' service attack on that there website.
Well, that's all I gotta say on this an' dang if it ain't still early an' I got time t' get the younguns shuffled off t' Sunday School. I'm invitin' anybuddy with more idees on what t' do if you see sumbuddy sportin' sumpin' from outta that dumbass store to leave their idees in the comments department.