Tuesday, March 15, 2005

EEE-k! A Mouse in the Upper House

Whooee! Well, friends an' foes, if you been payin' any tension t' my blatherin's, you already know how I feel about bowin' an' scrapin' t' Queen Liz an' her brood o' inbred younguns. The royal mouthpiece in Ottywa is ol' General Adrienne Clarkson an' I ain't got much use fer her, neither. The big thing I got against them there royal pains in the ass is they're anti-democracy. T' my way o' thinkin', democracy is when there's an election vote an' everybuddy puts their X on a piece o' paper over t' the Legion Hall an' then we all get to listen to vox populi callin' out the tune.

The snooty-toot royal pains never got elected t' so much as dogcatcher o' Moose Jaw an' it jest goes against my democratic grain t' see 'em gettin' all them perkolaters that come with havin' blue blood coursin' through their inbred veins. This king an' queen an' bonnie prince stuff is sumpin' from way back in olden days when most folks was too damn ignorant t' know any better. We ain't so stoopid now t' be thinkin' that dumbass Prince Harry dressed up like Hitler is better'n anybuddy else's dumbass teenager.

Now this boog story ain't mainly all about the uppity-crusters in the royal henhouse. What I'm growsin' 'bout now is another house an' that's the Upper House o' Parliment an' it's called the Senate o' Canadee. The Senate is sorta like the House o' Lords in merrie olde Englande. In that United Kingdom, they ain't even gotta king but they got a passel o' inbred blue bloods sittin' on their royal keesters in that Upper House o' Lords an' rulin' the roost.

Canadee's Upper House o' Senators don't have no blue bloods but the fellers an' gals sittin' in that house ain't been chosen by the people in an election vote, neither. The way they get made inta senators is by sumpin' called a Pryministerial Edict. Jest the word "edict" gives you a good clue that this ain't democracy in action. It's jest sum dumbass idee left over from olden days o' pomposity an' ceremonial bullshit. When Polly Wolly Fartin' Martin makes his patronage appointments t' the Senate, it's sorta like ol' Queen Liz dubbin' sumbuddy an' sayin' they're a Sir or a Dame an' a peer o' the realm an' fair game fer royal wedlock.

Shee-it! How long we gonna go along with all this kiss-my-royal-ass monarchy social butterfly bizness? Canajuns oughta be electin' the fellers an' gals who sit in the big house in Ottywa. I jest seen a CP news story in the Yahoo News that sez Fartin' Martin's gettin' geared up t' dub hisself sum Senators an' they ain't gonna be elected by the people like in a real democracy.

Now, out in Alberty cowboy country, they sed they wanted t' elect their own senators an' last time they had themselves an election vote, they made sum room on the ballot so's the votin' Alberts could pick out which fellers or gals they'd like t' send up t' Ottywa an' do their biddin' in the Upper House o' Parliment. I ain't so sure the votin' Alberts picked anybuddy better'n Fartin' Martin might pick but at least they picked 'em in an election vote, fair an' square an' democratic.

A few years back, the fellers an' gals from Alberty an' sum other providences come up with a blueprint plan fer makin' renovations t' This Old House - the Senate o' Canadee. They called their big idee the "Triple E" or the "EEE" plan. "Triple E" rolls off yer tongue a bit slipperier than "EEE" so I reckon I'm callin' that plan by the name o' "Triple E."

The reason they call it Triple E is that each o' the big parts starts with "E". I ain't so sure what order they put 'em in an' I ain't sure it matters but them three E's stand fer Elected, Effective an' Equal. T' my way o' thinkin', EEE spells d-e-m-o-c-r-a-c-y. Leastwise, it spells it better'n ol' Pryminister Polly Wolly makin' hisself an edict an' pontifycatin' like sum royal pain an' handin' out tickets t' ride on the Senate o' Canadee gravy train.

Most folks know I hang my hat in Ontariarario an' the E that stands fer Equal might mean that sum Alberty cowboys or Saskatchewanderers get more Senators per votin' citizen. I ain't growsin' on accounta it's a whole lot more democratic-like than how they do it now.

Fartin' Martin's got hisself a perfect chance t' show the pore damn, feelin'-bad, alienated Westerners that he's got an ounce o' respect fer their election votes. Instead o' bein' a mouse in the Upper House, the Pryminister oughta be a man an' do what the Alberty voters sez an' give'm the Senators they voted fer.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

12 comments:

Princess Monkey said...

JimBobby -
I know it is in deplorably bad taste to speak off topic, but you seem the friendly sort, so I was hoping you wouldn't mind a question. There is an exchange taking place between someone called Kate and Ti-Guy over at Small Dead Animals, wherein, it appears, Kate is given (through techno means) to finding out addresses and god knows what else about those who frequent that site. Please tell me if this is common practice. I thought the whole idea of this business was anonymity so that a person could say unpopular or controvorsial things without fear of getting beat up at home or whatever. I don't know a lot about this community, but I have enjoyed reading comments and making a few. I was going to flee the scene but thought I would ask someone about it first. If you have a minute to respond - I appreciate it. Please excuse my terrible manners.

I also think senators should be elected. That way they would be somewhat accountable for doing absolutely nothing for huge sums of money. I am not into supporting cronyism (spelling?).

JimBobby said...

Whooee! Thankee fer chimin' in, Princess. I ain't such tightass stickler like sum boogers when it comes t' comment gabfests goin' offa the startin' out topic. Hell, sumtimes the new topic's lots better.

I ain't the one fer answerin' 'bout whether most boogers is like Katey - all suspicious an' takin' down IPs an' tryin' t' find out what street yer livin' on. I'm a new feller in the boogeysphere an' I only been boogin' 'bout a month. That's why I ain't the right feller fer the qusetion.

I'm tellin' you one thing, though. I never seen anybuddy so paranoid as Katey exceptin' mebbe that terrist-under-the-bed Johnny Ashcroft the Merkin who don't believe in free speech or free liberry book readin'. I don't figger I'd be too welcome inta Katey's comments gabfest. I jest watched from off on the sidelines at what them snooty-toots an' a coupla good folks like you an' ol' Ti-Feller was sayin' 'bout me. When I seen the part 'bout KateyGal lookin' up home addresses, well, I figgered I'd best never leave a comment at her small dead website.

I got myself a secret identity t' keep up an' you don't see Clark Kent or Dr. Bruce Banner or Adam West tippin' their hand an' leavin' comments over t' Katey's site where she might pull off their masks.

Sum boogers don't mind everybuddy knowin' where they hang their hats an' what the name is on their birth certificates an' other boogers try t' keep wearin' their stageplay costume. I'm keepin' my costume on an' I reckon sum numbnutses'll try t' strip it offa me sumtime but I ain't lendin' 'em a hand when they do. That'd be like that sweet-lookin' Halle Berry tellin' the whole ding-dong world that she's really Cat Woman.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

Princess Monkey said...

Okay...so it's just like the street - avoid the freaks. Watch them from a distance but don't comment lest I be deemed "hostile". It's just so tempting sometimes to be a fox in a chicken house - you know, send them into a flap. But clearly...not safe. They don't want to hear from me anyway - they just like feeding off each other. Thanks for taking time.

Andrew said...

If we elected the senate then they might think they were actually suppose to do something. As it is they are a mostly harmless bunch - I'd hate to see that change.

We should either scrap the senate altogether (best case) or leave it alone.

Princess Monkey said...

PS - I am Cat Woman!

JimBobby said...

Whooee! AndrewFeller, I reckon there really ain't much use in the senate 'cept fer tryin' t' kissass the western alien Alberts by givin' 'em equal footin' with Q-beck an' us Ontarifellers. No harm, sez I. Biggest damn winners in that deal'd be the green-gablers down in PEI if they get as many senators as Dalton's gang an' the CheeseHat's people.

Far as this here gravy train upper house polytickal patronage retirement home fer friends o' pryministers goes, I reckon it'd be harmless enuff if it wasn't me footing the damn bills. Between these here lordship an' ladyships bigass salaries in the Senate an' that snooty-tootin' Gumner General's first class travel t' everywhere budget, these here vestiges o' royal grandeur is hittin' us all in the pocketbook.

I reckon we oughta take a good look at this here ship o' state an' see if we ain't hired on too big a crew an' sum of 'em ain't pullin' their oar. The Merkins gotta good senate, looks like. Each state has but only 2 senators. We could cut a lotta deadwood in our fat crew if we done sumpin' 'long those lines.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

Bloogers Byline said...

wooee a hot topic JimBobby. a senator onetime tolt me the senate was fer sober second thought dat gave the hole game away eh ya got yor drunks in the parlyment passin on bills ta the sober second thoughters fer spellin and punkshuation corrections. jest like i thought. never saw the hogs vote ta leave the trough at the farm so dont wait fer changes in that body.hey i think ill look up Kates site ta see whats her parynoids about

JimBobby said...

Whooee! Hey Bloog, thankee fer droppin' by. It's always a pleasure. I reckon we might hafta drag them hogs away from the trough on accounta it's jest like you say 'bout 'em not leavin' in their own Accord.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

Ti-Guy said...

I'm not worried about Kate. She's been wrong twice now on the details resulting from her internet-sleuthing. She thinks I'm living in Scarborough now. I tell you, THAT hurt!

Oh...uh...the topic? Well, as they say, the only old ruins in Canada are in the Senate.

JimBobby said...

Whooee! I reckon once Katey seen that sum o' my faithful readers are thinkin' maybe I'm a professional writer or a justice on the bench or a university chancellor or a smartypants lawyerBoy or Warrin' Kinsellerfeller or the son o' Charlie Farquarson or a character from outta King Lear or the reincarnation o' Robert Frost, she's probbly feelin' a little foolish fer herself fer bein' such a snooty-toot.

I spose I owe her like she sez fer sendin' a few o' her thousands an' thousands o' boog visitors over t' my little boog. I counted up six she sent me yesterday an' that's damn near 2% o' my total. I oughta put 'er inta my boogroll, I reckon.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

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