Iggy Ain't My Man

Whooee! Well friends, I ain't a Liberal Party member or supporter so I ain't weighed in much on this here leadership race they got goin' on down in Montreal. Now that it's down t' the wire, I'm throwin' in my two-cents-worth.

I hope Iggy don't win. There's a couplafew others I hope don't win, too, so I ain't one o' these Anybody But Iggy guys. Guys like Volpe don't stand a chance anyways so I ain't gonna worry much 'bout them gettin' in. I do gotta worry 'bout Ig gettin' in an' I sure as hell don't like the idea.

First off, I better tell why I think it matters who rides herd on the Grits. The way the 'pinion polls is goin', the Liberals got a dang good chance o' gettin' back in power. That means whoever they got on the top o' their heap could end up as Canadee's next pryminister. That's howcum I give two shits an' howcum I don't wanna see an egghead expatriate leadin' the Liberals.

Igster jest ain't liberal enuff, sez I. I can't get past the way he backed up Dubya's illegal invasion of EyeRack. An' when he mushes up his words an' purty much gives his seal of approval t' torturin', well, how can he even be a contender?

Ignatieff ain't in touch with Canadee. He's been settin' up in that ivory tower down in Boston, Massachusettes, USA fer 'bout 30 years. Even if he sez he was always payin' attention t' what's happenin' in Canadee, it ain't the same as livin' here. An' it ain't like he was sum sorta exile. He left Canadee fer greener pastures an' fame an' glory.

I got me a nayber who useta be a Merkin. He an' his kin moved here 'bout the same time as Iggy moved t' Merka, 30-odd years ago. My nayber's a newshound - mebbe even more'n me. I asked ol' Bob if he'd ever move back down south. He sed he don't feel like a Merkin anymore an' if he was t' move back t' his home an' native land, he'd feel like a foreigner. Merkins use words like "foreigner" more'n Canajuns so I reckon he ain't completely cured, yet.

I figger it's the same fer Iggy. He's been away so long he's sorta like a foreigner. There ain't nuthin' wrong with foreigners but they oughta pay sum dues before they wanna be pryminister, sez I.

A fight between Iggy an' Harpoon'd be a battle o' the eggheads an' I don't reckon too many real-life Canajuns wanna listen t' 6 weeks o' that sorta crappola. Anyway, with all his war-lovin', torture-condonin' an' Q-beck asskissin', Iggy ain't the right guy fer the job.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

Blogger Threatened by Troll "jeff" Quits Blogging

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, there's sum bad shit goin' down in the Canajun boogeysphere involvin' the uber-troll who calls hisself "jeff". Here's most o' what Mike, a victim o' jeff, sez this mornin' -

I'm done.

That's it. I'm not doing this any more. I thought I had some good debates and had fun over the last two years in the blogshpere, but no more. This morning I received an e-mail from fellow blogger 'jeff' in which he threatened to do an 'expose' on me, that he would be publishing my personal information like my address and phone number and that he would be contacting - and I quote - my 'wife and\or children' to tell them about me.

Well, blogging is fun, but I won't endanger my privacy or the privacy of my family. I will no longer be making any posts or comments. It is simply not worth it. In the end, I have better things to do with my time than engage in online vendettas or even fights involving lawyers and cops.

I could fight this, and quite effectively (and I still might have to if the threats are carried out), but that would be too much of a distraction from my private and professional life. I've done the cost-benefit analysis and I have decided that the fight is simply not worth it.

There 'jeff' you won. Happy? Your the king of the internet trolls. Enjoy your reign. I am done with you and this whole thing.

Yeow! How 'bout sum smart feller or gal does an expose-eh on this here boogin' bully jeff?

A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's Kyoto for?

Whooee! I been stewin' on this here Kyoto bizness fer a while now. I reckon mebbe the ConMen an' that purty gal with the big hair ain't heard 'bout how havin' bigass goals leads t' achievement.

Back in the olden days in Merrie Olde Englande, there was this here poet feller. You mighta heard of 'im -- Robert Browning. Well, ol' Bob Browning had hisself a good line that goes like this --

“Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?”

When I looked up that line jest now (which I first learnt from my ol' Mum 'bout 50 years ago when I was 'bout 7 years old), there was an interpretation fer lazyasses an' illiterates who can't figger out things fer themselves. Here's what they sed 'bout that famous line --

"Words from a poem by Robert Browning, suggesting that, to achieve anything worthwhile, a person should attempt even those things that may turn out to be impossible."

Makes sense, sez I.

I'd like t' be a better piano player. I jest got me a new keyboard an' I practice 'bout an hour a day. I'm sorta old fer piano lessons an' practicin' but I'm reachin' fer excellence, even if my grasp only lets me achieve mediocrity. My goals may be unachievable but I'll be a better piano player than if I din't set any goals at all.

I notice ol' King Steve is stickin' with the Afghan mission. Everybuddy an' their dog knows that a military solution ain't possible. The generals say so an' so does Minister O'Connor. The goal is t' create a shinin' beacon o' democracy in the MidEast. It ain't gonna happen. The best we're hopin' fer now is sum modest improvements an' a bit o' personal security. Since the original goal has proven t' be completely unachievable, howcum they don't reckon we oughta quit like we quit the unachievable Kyoto deal?

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

Globe Insider Edition - FREE ACCESS

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I'm gonna let you in on a way t' read the Mop & Pail's Insider columns without shellin' out any o' yer hard earned dough t' Bell-GlobeMedia. I figger I pay the Bell enuff with my ExpressVu an' my Sympatico an' my telephone. Once in a while on a Saturday, I pick up the paper at the corner store.

Here's how t' read them 'pinion pieces by fellers an' gals like Johnny Ibbotson an' JeffBoy Simpson an' ChristieGal Blatchford an' any o' the Globe's other high-priced pundidiots.

• Go to the front page o' the Globe.
• Click on one o' them Insiders Only links.
  
  
  
  
• They'll give you a teaser.
  
  
  
  
  
  Select the firstest sentence an' copy it t' yer clipboard by doin' Ctrl+C or Right-click+Copy.
  
• Go to Google News.
  
  
  
  
  
  Paste that firstest sentence in the search field by goin' Ctrl+V or Right-click+Paste.
  
  IMPORTANT!! Put double quotes around the sentence. Click the search button an' yer gonna get probbly jest one search result. Click it.
  
  
• Yer an insider!
  
  
  
  
  
  Yer gonna be able t' read the Insider column but you ain't gonna be able t' read the comments or t' make comments. Whaddya want fer free?
  

I reckon this might jest end up like Google an' YouTube once the Globe's lawyers read my little boog story.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

Krazy Kim vs. Dumbass Dubya

Whooee! This whole Dubya vs. the Axis of Evil thing is ironic, sez I.

On the one side, you got North Korea. They’re probbly the biggest isolationists in the whole world. They repress their people an’ they spend too much money on their military an’ not enuff on their citizens’ welfare. They operate outta fear o’ the Merkins.

On the other side, you got what’s s’posed t’ be the world’s most open democracy an’ a champion o’ free trade an’ human rights. They say they wanna spread their brand o’ democracy t’ places like Afghanny, Iraq, Iran, N.Korea.

Now, if Merka’s winnin’ then North Korea’d be lookin’ more open an’ democratic an’ it’d be spendin’ less on atom bombs an’ more on food an’ medicine. That ain’t happenin’.

If North Korea’s winnin’ then the Merkins’d be lookin’ more isolationist an’ they’d be increasin’ their military spendin’ an’ reducin’ what they spend on keepin’ their citizens well-fed an’ healthy. They’d be tryin’ t’ be more like the North Koreans.

That’s what’s been happenin’ under GWB. The Merkins ain’t been successful at spreadin’ democracy. They been adoptin’ the selfsame sorta policies them there Evil AxGrinders is usin'.

• They wanna build walls ’round Merka;
• They been on a military spendin’ spree while their food supply is gettin’ E.Coli;
• They been passin’ laws limitin’ freedom o’ speech an’ the press;
• They been lockin’ up people without trials or charges;
• They been legalizin’ torture;
• They been tightenin’ up the trade laws an’ makin’ it tuffer fer Canajuns t’ sell ‘em our beef an’ 2×4’s;
• The number o’ Merkins without healthcare has gone up along with number gettin’ killed in Iraq;
• They been workin’ on a new generation o’ smaller nuclear weapons;
• They’re showin’ less’n'less respect fer other countries an’ scoff at the UN.

So, who’s winnin’? Have the Merkins made any progress turnin’ them Axis nations inta sumpin’ like Merka? Or, has Merka turned itself inta sumpin’ more closely resemblin’ North Korea?

Yores trooly,
JimBobby
 

Sugar Bob Rae vs. King Steve Harper

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I reckon I'll make my prediction on who's gonna win this here horse race fer Grit Boss. I figger Bobby Rae's the one'll come out on top. He'll end up beholden t' sum ABI king makers, though. I seen a 'pinion poll sez Rae's the favourite among Canajun folks but not delegates -- so far.

Iggy's too eggheaded t' win. Sum numbnutses don't care if a leader's right or wrong jest so long as they're decisive. Lookit the Merkins. Ig's a flip-flopper. I still ain't sure if he's backed away from sayin' the Iraq invasion was a good idea. Kofi Annan sed it was a crime against international law. How's Iggy square with that? His ideas 'bout torture make me queasy, too. He ain't liberal enuff t' lead the Liberals, sez I.

Here in Ontariariario, folks don't like Rae much and that'll help Harpoon in the next election, no two ways. Rae can probbly spin the history o' when he ruled the roost in Ontariariario an' he's flyin' the Liberal banner, now, instead o' the DippyWip flag. That'll help sum.

When Bobby Rae was premier, he was hit with sum bad economic times an' they weren't all his fault since the whole world was havin' the selfsame sorta troublems an' Noo York City even almost went tits-up. Bobby lost the support o' the namby-pambiest of all o' the damn unions -- the teachers union. When he asked them layabouts t' work one day a month fer no pay, they turned on 'im like a pack o' wild dogs. It's all on accounta them teachers we got saddled with Mike the Knife an' that greaseball Ernie.

I reckon the good news fer the Cons in Ontariariario is gonna be balanced out by the bad news in Q-beck an' mebbe in Newfie, too. Then again, Bobby's the boy fer keepin' the Jewish vote an' also fer gettin' the anti-war vote. There's plenty o' them type voters in Ontariariario, so mebbe it won't be so great fer the HarpoonTossers.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

More War Shit

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, here I go again pastin' a comment I made on sumbuddy's boog inta my own little boog. Over t' BigCityLib Strikes Back the BigCityFeller is boogin' on the troublems with the IDF's strategy. The BCL writer's wond'rin' if mebbe the IDF's got it's head up its ass or mebbe it's bein' led by polyticians who ain't got a clue 'bout winnin' wars.

I reckon the IDF's biggest troublem is that they brought a shotgun to a knife fight... an' they ain't exactly Annie Oakley in the marksmanship department. Now that they finally seen their bombs don't stop rocket-tossers an' only make more innocent victims sympathize with the rotten hezballers, they're sendin' in the foot soldiers.

This ain't the part that's flawed. This is the way they can engage the bad guys an' fight 'em. The ground forces has been doin' a whole helluvalot better'n the bombers when it comes t' civilian:hezballer kill ratio.

They woulda liked it if they coulda bombed the crap outta innocent Lebanese an' got most o' the hezballers while they was at it. Ever since they pulled out in 2000, the IDF's had south Leb under near constant aerial surveillance. They shoulda knowed they wasn't gonna win by bombin' babies. But, dang it all, they figgered it was worth a try... and who's gonna give a rat's ass if a few hunnert human shields die in the dumbass experiment?

I been sayin' since the start, these people gettin' killed is human bein's.

Yesterday in a letter t' the editor o' my local rag, sum shitferbrains was callin' on Israel t' level south Leb t' the ground an' kill all the "rodents" livin' there.

The Hezballers's been buildin' schools an' teachin' their kiddies that the Israelis is a buncha baby eaters.

Both sides got an easier time killin' civilians when they figger they ain't quite human.

I been doin' a lot o' readin' in Ha'aretz. There's a growin' buncha Israelis who's askin' why their bigass, well-oiled, Merkin-financed mighty military machine ain't put a dent in the number o' rockets comin' in. Shee-it! Up until the IDF started in with its measured response on July 12, there was hardly any rockets comin' in. Now, they got hunnerts a day.

Israelis is also askin' 'bout the motivation fer this here war.

Sum Israelis an' sum other pundidiots sez it's the Merkins pullin' the strings in Israel an' the Iranians pullin' the hezballers' strings -- a proxy war between the Merkins an ' Iran bein' fought at the expense o' Lebanon.

Well, no great loss fer Cheney an' his buds. Halliburton'll be first in line when the rebuildin' contracts get let out. This war's good business fer the Merkins. They sell bombs t'Israel; then, they give aid t' Lebanon t' help rebuild an' jest like in Iraq, it'll be Merkin pockets gettin' lined when that there rebuildin' starts up.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

What if the Lesser Antilles was bein’ overrun by badass space monsters?

Over t' StageLeft, I seen sumbuddy askin' hypothetical questions like “What would there be calls for if Israel was being overrun by its foes?”

The main topic was 'bout whether or not "everybody hates the Jews." I reckon I got off topic when I seen that "what if..." crappola.

What if the Lesser Antilles was bein’ overrun by badass space monsters?

I got a few “what-if’s”, myself.

• What if a million people was made homeless an’ 1000 was killed an’ they was mostly kids an’ babies?
  
  
• What if yer pryminister sez that’s alrightyfine with him?
  
  
• What if Israel kills 40 civilians fer every one killed by their enemy?
  
  
• What if the IDF an’ IAF is so damned incompetent that they keep makin’ one “mistake” after anuther?
  
  
• What if the side yer PM chooses t’ back up is usin’ cluster bombs an’ white phosphorus weapons?
  
  
• What if the Israelis bomb red cross ambulances?
  
  
• What if the IAF targets Christian areas of Bayroot an’ kills innocent Christian kiddies an’ makes Lebanese Christians start supportin’ the hezballers?
  
  
• What if the obvious outcome of this here “measured” response is a bigger, stronger buncha hezballers an’ more hate heaped in Israel?
  
  
• What if the bumblin’ nincompoops King Steve an’ Clown Prince Peter is nuthin’ more’n Merkin ass-kissers an’ their “principled” stand ain’t achievin’ nuthin’ but more dead babies?
  
  
• What if a bigass number o’ Israelis themselves was askin’ why the hell their gummint’s bent on self-destruction?
  
  
• What if Israel’s biggest supporters wasn’t gettin’ the whole news on accounta they got their stoopid eyeballs glued t’ Fox News an’ CNN an’ ABC, NBC, CBS, PBS?
  
  
• What if Israel’s biggest newspaper never told it’s readers ’bout the way their side took out a UN post an’ killed 4 UN guys?
  
  
• What if Israel’s justice minister sed everybuddy in south Lebanon is hezballers an’ every one of ‘em is fair game fer killin’ — babies, an’ all?
  
  
• What if the hezballer boss sed his guys’d stop lobbin’ rockets if Israel stopped air strikes?
  
  
• What if two words — immediate ceasefire — from Bush three weeks ago would have saved more’n 1000 lives?

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

Terrorist Trees Infiltratin' Canadee

Whooee! Over t' StageLeft, my boogin' buddy Balbulican's got hisself a boog story 'bout trees puttin' the kibosh on King Steve's softwood sellout. I left me a comment there an' jest like the lazyass I am, I'm pastin' that there comment in here fer my boog story.

I reckon it might jest be a co-inkydink but there’s been a few trees fallin’ down on Canajuns an’ killin’ ‘em, lately. Them trees is notorious fer causin’ property damage, too. How ’bout we get the gummint t’ declare trees is a terrist organization an’ ban ‘em from Canadee?

Them trees has been contributin’ t’ evil-doin’ fer ages, too. When ol’ Jayzus was nailed t’ the cross, whaddya reckon that there cross was made outta? Sum sorta tree, that’s what. An’ who ain’t heard o’ the Cedars o’ Lebanon? It ain’t jest anuther co-inkydink that there’s a pitcher of a tree on the Lebanese flag. Them Lebanese trees is hezballers, no two ways. What about that there “Cedar Revolution”? Trees rabble-rousin’, as usual.

Nobuddy likes shady characters an’ trees is ’bout as shady as they come.

Sum o’ the worst trees is them with dual citizenship like the Norway Spruce, Japanese Maple, American Elm an’ Scotch Pine. Who can trust ‘em if they won’t break their ties t’ the old country? Who needs ‘em bringin’ their ancient quarrels over t’ Steve’s peaceable kingdom?

An’ don’t even get me started on Africa. They call it the Dark Continent on accounta all the shade in them there jungles.

It also ain’t no co-inkydink that trees is where bushy-tailed ratsquirrels make their nests an’ organize their terrist cells with their feller-traveler raccoons.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

Hezballers an' Israel Lookin' fer the Same Thing - A Bigger War

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, here I go again copyin' an' pastin' from a comment I left sumwhere's else. This is from a comment I left over at Toni Zerb's boog.

I reckon there's sum numbnutses who don't figger Lebanese civilians lives is worth anything. If they are human shields an' the Israelis kill 'em, what's that sayin' 'bout both sides? The hezballers mebbe expect the Israelis t' be civilized enuff that they don't kill innocent babies. The Israelis figger anybuddy who din't read the leaflets an' sumhow figger a way outta the war zone must be a willin' accomplice an' deserves t' die.

Human shields only work if everybuddy agrees they're human. By bombin' an' killin' so many t' get t' so few, Israel sez they ain't real civilians, they ain't human shields, they ain't human. When it gets shoved in their faces that these are babies they're killin', they give the excuse that they regret the unfortunate accident. It weren't any accident. They jest don't care if they kill babies an' by standin' up fer 'em, there's Canajun boogers who's standin' up fer baby-killin'.

Everybuddy's learned over the past couplafew decades that usin' massive air power an' long-range artillery can't defeat a guerilla force. Everybuddy knows that bombin' babies won't stop the hezballers. Everybuddy knows that killin' babies'll only drive more moderates inta the radical camp.

Polarization is what all warrin' sides want. They wanna see who's with 'em an' who ain't. If yer standin' with either side, yer a supporter o' terrism. Hezballers is terrists. They don't deny it, so far as I know. The IAF and IDF is terrists, too, but they deny it with phony claims of "accidents" an' fightin' fer their survival.

The overkill by Israel is designed t' bring more players inta the game. How long does Israel think Syria an' Iran'll stand fer baby-killin'. Shee-it! Even lotsa Israelis is startin' t' march fer peace. Israel needs Syria and/or Iran t' get involved soon so's the lines in the sand'll be clear an' the Merkins an' their lapdogs'll jump in full force.

The hezballers want the same thing. It ain't hezballers callin' fer a cease fire. Both sides wanna make it a bigger war an' they both wanna drag others inta the fray. They din't have much trouble draggin' Bush an' his sycophants in an' they're doin' their damndest t' drag Syria an' Iran in.

If Israel can get some real armies an' air forces t' fight, they might win. If they jest keep bombin' hunnerts o' civilians t' get a piddly few hezballers, they can't win but they can get other players fightin'.

A lastin' peace ain't gonna happen in the Mideast. Makin' a lastin' peace one o' the conditions fer a cease fire is makin' an impossible condition. By insistin' on an impossible condition, Bush/Rice/Harper/Blair make sure the killin' continues. An' lookit the job they done o' bringin' peace t' Iraq an' Afghanistan.

Here's a thought... out in Sasky, they got a child-molester who's holdin' two kiddies. If they was t' kill that sumbitch, he wouldn't molest anymore kiddies. So, if they find out where he's hidin', d'ya figger they oughta blow that town offa the map so's they can stop the peterfile?

When the IRA was plantin' bombs an' killin' London folks, did the UK bomb Dublin? 'Course not. Lotsa Irish supported the IRA. Sinn Fein had representation in gummint. What's different in Lebanon?

Yores trooly,
JimBobby