Dem Bones, Dem Bones, Dem Dry Bones

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, the Christians are all in a uproar concernin' these here bones that ol' James Cameron, the movie director, sez are the bones o' Jesus Christ an' his wifemate Mary Magdalene an' their little boy Judah. I guess there's some Christians who ain't got enuff faith in their God an' they're feelin' all threatened by the dang archaeologists.

Crimony sakes! Faith is faith an' facts are facts. The two ain't supposed be the same thing. If yer one o' them there faith-based fellers or gals, facts never mean nuthin' anyways so why worry about some old dead bones? I can't see how they could know what the Lord Jesus's DNA looked like so how in hell can anybuddy say these bones come from JC fer sure?

Now, down in Mexico, they got a lot o' fellers named Jesus. They call 'em Hey Soos in Mexican but they spell it Jesus jest like the Christmas baby. On Rawhide, they had a feller name o' Hey Soos who looked after the horses. So, who sez there weren't a buncha Jesuses in Jerusalem like down in Mexico? An everybuddy knows Mary was a common name. Shee-it! Jesus's Mum n' his girlfriend was both named Mary.

One thing's got me all pie-eyed confuddled like a cow knee deep in spring thaw. Howcum they waited 25 years t' tell everybuddy that they figger they found the bones o' the Son o' God?

Maybe it's like ol' Jack Nicholson said in that movie "You can't handle the truth."

The faith-basers don't hafta handle this inconvenient truth anymore'n they handle any other inconvenient truth. All's the faith-basers gotta do is have faith that these here bones come from some other Jesus, Mary an' Joseph.

I got better inconvenient truths t' fret over than a few boxes o' dry ol' bones.

JimBobby

Red State Update: Global Warming

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I come across these here fellers on the YouTube yesterday an' I had me a lotta laffs.

They got their own website where they got a lotta funny videos at www.redstateupdate.com.

There's a whole buncha their videos on YouTube.

They sometimes use a four letter word so if yer watchin' from work, be on the lookout fer the overseer.

JimBobby

My MPP Writes Back... Sort of... Not really

Whooee! Well, a couplafew days ago, I wrote a email t' my MPP Toby Barrett an' I sed here on my boog that I'd keep my thousands o' faithful readers up t' date on what he writes back.

Here's what come in this mornin' -

This will acknowledge receipt of your e-mail . We receive hundreds of e-mails each week from across Canada and around the world. Mr.Barrett endeavours to respond personally and on a priority basis to those received from people in the Haldimand-Norfolk-Brant Riding. For this reason we require your residential street name and number, the municipality where you live and your postal code and telephone number.Thank you for providing this information.

Yeow! I s'pose I expected as much. Well. I ain't tellin' Toby where I live so I reckon I won't be gettin' any more answers from him by email. I do live in his ridin' an' he knows me t' see me an' talk to an' I know his Pa an' knew his late Ma an' I know his sisters Liz an' Barb an' I own art work done by Liz an' CD's by his brother-in-law House. My ol' Mum is from a ol' timey Port Dover family jest like Toby. But I ain't revealin' my secret boogin' identity t' Toby, nosirreebob.

I sent my email t' Toby as a list o' questions he an' his Tory gang could use on Ginty t' make the Grits look bad in Question Period. They was the selfsame questions I posted in the lightbulb story. When somebuddy gives you a gift of QP ammo, I don't reckon it matters if they're from Port Dover or Portugal. I weren't askin' him t' come over fer coffee.

Here's my questions again -

What is the Ontario government doing to reduce it's own carbon footprint?

Specifically:

1. The government purchases hundreds of vehicles for various ministry operations, policing, etc. Does the government have a procurement policy that requires public funds be spent on fuel efficient and/or hybrid vehicles?
   
2. Buildings are one of the biggest contributors to GHG emissions. Has the government embarked on an energy audit program for all Ontario's publicly owned buildings?
   
3. Ontario collects a hefty 8% sales tax. What is Ontario doing by way of tax incentives to encourage reduced energy use?
   
4. Government properties like the grounds of public buildings and parks require lawn-cutting and landscape maintenance. What measures have been taken to ensure that eco-friendly methods are employed with regard to gasoline powered equipment, weed and pest control, planting of native species, etc.?

Now, I don't care if Toby emails back or not but I sure as hell do hope he takes my advice an' asks Ginty them questions.

I emailed Toby back with most o' what I wrote here. I reckon I did my best t' convince him that I'm livin' in his ridin' without tellin' my real name.

JimBobby

True Snowblower Confession

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, ol' JimBobby sorta fell off the green wagon jest now. Here's the story.

It started snowin' in my neck o' the woods 'round 6 last night - big flakes comin' down pretty heavy. After Ma an' I come back from the 8 o'clock 2 mile dog walk we do every night, I shovelled some o' the sidewalks fer 20 minutes, or so.

This mornin', you couldn't hardly tell where I shovelled last night an' I reckon a few inches o' the wet an' heavy slushy kinda snow was piled up. After Ma left fer work, I got out an' started shovellin' an' I had most o' the sidewalks done but none o' the bigass laneway goin' back beside the house t' the little ol' garage where there ain't any car. I was plannin' t' maybe jest cut a pathway an' a tire track in case somebuddy drives in like they do a lot.

Anyway, ol' Bill from across the road was goin' up an' down his side o' the street with his snowblower clearin' off the neighbours' walks like the good neighbour he is. When he got across from me, he steered his rig over an' asked me if I was needin' the exercise or could he do me a favour an' blow out my laneway.

Well, here comes my true confession.

I looked at that there chuggin' 6HP gas blower an' I'd been shovellin' fer a fair while already an' I ain't no spring chicken bein' I was born back in the 1940's like ol' Bill so I didn't hafta think too long an' hard on his offer. About 5 or 6 minutes later, I give my good neighbour a smilin' thankee kindly an' off he went t' do the lezzie gals' laneway next door.

I was still shovellin' fer 20 minutes or so after Bill got done an' the blower don't take it down t' the bone so I scraped over the part he blew away. I worked up a dang good sweat but I got a strong ticker fer a guy pushin' 60 an' this was about the 5th shovellin' session fer me this year. This was the first time the snow was heart attack heavy an' also the first time this year Bill come over with a neighbourly offer.

So, like we was sayin' in the comments that other boog story I wrote up on Ginty's lightbulb law, commonsense is what prevails. If I was t' refuse Bill's neighbourly offer an' maybe stand there an' tell the ol' boy he's pollutin' the air an' shut it down - dang! - that'd be bad neighbour stuff an' Bill's too nice a feller fer all that. We been buddies fer years an' when electionvote time comes 'round, I'll give ol' Bill some Green Party literature an' maybe a pitch.

I feel a little bit guilty fer havin' that snow blowed but, all-in-all, I figger I made the commonsense choice.

I was readin' Earth Mother Lizzie May's boog the other day. She was boogin' about how she gets around an' she was ridin' the Greyhound from Trawna (centre o' the universe) t' Guelph. Yeow! I wonder how many other federal party leaders'd take the grey dog. All the same, some radical eco-warrior or some finger-pointin' throwback might say Lizzie should only walk or ride her bike or maybe drive a dog team or snowshoe or ice skate or cross-country ski.

Now, ridin' a bus ain't as pure as ridin' a bike but when it's wintertime in Ontariariario, it's the commonsense thing. T' my way o' thinkin', allowin' the neighbour t' do a good deed is commonsense, too.

JimBobby

Nine Year Old Blues (audio)

Whooee! Well decent humans, I been stewin' on this here situation with 9 year-old Kevin the Canajun who's bein' held in that there Texas jailhouse after he an' his Iranian parents was hauled off a plane that was s'posed t' land in Canada but had t' land in Puerto Rico instead on accounta some passenger had a heart attack. I wrote me up a song an' I asked my squirrel-huntin' buddy Steve from down the street t' back me up on the guitar.

This song's made up t' the tune o' Johnny Cash's Fulsom Prison Blues. Here's the MP3.

Nine Year Old Blues

I hear the train a comin´
It´s rolling down the line
I'm a Canadian citizen, my age is only nine
But I'm stuck in a Merkan prison, I'm beggin' Pete MacKay
Start phoning Condoleezza and get me out today...

I ain't much more than a baby and my family's locked up, too
I'm lost in legal limbo and I don't know what to do
I ended up in Texas, where I ain't got no rights
I'm askin' MacKay an' Harper to take up my fight...

I see MacKay with Condi holdin' hands and flashin' smiles,
They're eatin' fancy dinners and I'm stuck here all the while,
Well, we never seen it comin', now we can't get free,
But Pete keeps kissin' Condi's ass
While the Merkans torture me...

Well, if Pete's got human decency
He'll get us out of jail
He'll call his girlfriend Condi and tell my sorry tale
Kiddies locked in Texas prisons, a tale that must be told
Please help me get out, Peter, I'm only nine years old.

I hear the train a comin´
It´s rolling down the line
I'm a Canadian citizen, my age is only nine
But I'm stuck in a Merkan prison, I'm beggin' Pete MacKay
Start phoning Condoleezza and get me out today.

CLICK HERE FOR THE MP3 AUDIO DOWNLOAD

JimBobby

Calling Peter MacKay, Seeking Human Decency

Whooee! Well decent humans, I got my knickers in a twist over this here bizness where the torturin' Merkans got a Canajun family -- includin' a 9 year old kiddie -- all locked up in one o' their dungeons down in BushLand Texas. There's plenty o' Canajun boogers who been postin' up boog stories on this. If yer havin' troublems with my way o' writin', take a gander at AnnieMarie's verbena-19 or liberal catnip or Kuri's boog or Democracy Now or Hope an' Onions or Skdaddler.

If the Merkans lockin' up a 9 year old Canajun citizen is makin' you chew nails an' fart tacks an' yer pee's gettin' all sudsy, there's only about one thing you can do an' that's send a letter or email t' Condi's Canajun boyfriend Petey MacKay an' tell him what I told him.

I told Petey MacKay t' act fer the sake o' human decency an' if he's a decent human, he will.

By my count, the pore little feller's been in the Merkan jail fer 21 days already. This sorta thing can kill kiddies so do sumpin' fast even if it's only sendin' a email t' Condi's Nova Scotia Duck Dog.

Here's where PeteFeller's got his addresses posted up on the internets -- http://petermackay.ca/?page_id=7

Here's his email address -- mackap1@parl.gc.ca

He's got some fax numbers posted up, too. Ma sends a lot o' letters fer Amnesty International an' she uses the fax quite a bit fer that sorta stuff. My experience sez MP's react better t' paper mail than t' email. Maybe they react better t' faxes, too, so if you got a fax machine or if yer a techno-whiz-kid an' can make WinFax work, send faxes. If yer floatin' in dough, send a registered letter by courier or same-day Canada Post.

If yer a booger an' you gotcher own little boog, do like I'm doin' an' post up a boog story. The lazyasses in the main street media (MSM) notice it when a buncha boogers are all boogin' on the selfsame outrage.

Pissed off,
JimBobby

Bill C-292, An Act to implement the Kelowna Accord

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I was over t' StageLeft a coupla days ago an' it was the first I ever heard about this here Bill C-292, An Act to implement the Kelowna Accord . Man-o-man, I thought I was haffway up t' speed on First Nations issues but this one slipped past my rss reader, somehow. StageLeft weren't asleep at the switch like ol' JimBob, though. They been on this since the beginnin'. Them fine fellers over t' StageLeft is always right on top o' FN issues.

So anyways, this here C-292 is sorta like the C-288 an it tells the minority gummint HarpoonTossers that they gotta implement the Kelowna Accord just like C-288 sez they gotta implement Kyoto. Well, sez I, it makes sense that the majority calls the shots if yer livin' in a democracy. Only about 37% of the 60% of Canajuns who got off their asses an' went down t' the Legion hall t' exercise their democratic franchise voted fer the HarpoonTossers.

Harper - 37%, Other Guys - 63%.

When the majority tells the minority it has t' do what the gummint promised t' do, then dang it all, they oughta do it.

C-292's on my radar now an' I'll be rootin' fer it t' make it past third readin'.

JimBobby

Ginty's Bright Idea & Some Questions for Ginty

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, a couplafew weeks back, I wrote up a boog story on my boogin' buddy Zorpheous's idea fer Compact Fluorescent Bulbs (CFB's). Now, a lightbulb went on over top o' Dalton Ginty's head. Here's a whole bunch from CTV.ca -

TORONTO -- Ontario is considering becoming the first province in Canada to follow Australia's lead in banning old-fashioned, energy-sucking light bulbs, Environment Minister Laurel Broten said Wednesday as the province draws up a plan to cut its greenhouse gas emissions.

Conservative Leader John Tory and environmental groups are urging the government to ban incandescent bulbs in favour of energy-efficient ones, saying it's the push people need to save electricity and a move that would eliminate much of the province's dependence on coal-fired power plants.

"There are a lot of great ideas out there and that's one of them,'' Broten said. "Everything is on the table.''

No one in Ontario should underestimate the importance of replacing standard bulbs with more energy-efficient ones, Broten added. By Premier Dalton McGuinty's estimate, replacing every old-fashioned bulb with an energy-efficient one would allow the province to shut down one coal-fired power plant.

Now, I think it's a dang good idea an' anybuddy who complains the nanny state is tellin' everyone how t' live can kiss my Canajun keester. Air pollution from them dirty coal plants kills 3,000 Canajuns each an' every year. If we can shut one down, we can save lives. If you ain't fer savin' lives, yer hankerin' fer coupla JimBobby-flavoured knuckle samwitches.

Okay, so I give Ginty credit an' now I'm callin' him down. Ginty, how 'bout you start ridin' the TTC an' drivin' in a hybrid car an' thinkin' 'bout the gummint's own carbon footprint? Same goes fer yer chauffeur-driven ministers.

Here's my first question an' if there's sumbuddy readin' who works in Queen's Park, maybe they got an answer --

How many incandescant bulbs are there in Queen's Park?

I really wanna know but I'm bettin' that nobuddy has an answer. I'm emailin' my MPP but the Confeller sed once before he never bothers with email so I ain't countin' on a reply. I'm hopin' he's moved inta the 21st century.

While the gummint's countin' up how many bulbs they got, they can get busy buyin' new CFB's t' replace 'em. If they already replaced 'em all, I'll eat a bug on YouTube.

When we see MPP's an' the Premier Ontariariarian wastin' energy an' pumpin' CO2 inta the air while they're preachin' conservation, we see jest what we expect -- pontificatin' hypocrites. So my big question is to ol' Ginty hisself --

What is the Ontario government doing to reduce it's own carbon footprint?

Specifically:

1. The government purchases hundreds of vehicles for various ministry operations, policing, etc. Does the government have a procurement policy that requires public funds be spent on fuel efficient and/or hybrid vehicles?
   
   
2. Buildings are one of the biggest contributors to GHG emissions. Has the government embarked on an energy audit program for all Ontario's publicly owned buildings?
   
   
3. Ontario collects a hefty 8% sales tax. What is Ontario doing by way of tax incentives to encourage reduced energy use?
   
   
4. Government properties like the grounds of public buildings and parks require lawn-cutting and landscape maintenance. What measures have been taken to ensure that eco-friendly methods are employed with regard to gasoline powered equipment, weed and pest control, planting of native species, etc.?

I had ol' James Robert write them questions on accounta the fellers an' gals who might have the answer probbly can't read well enuff fer JimBobby's dialectics. I'm sending most o' this here boog story t' ol' Toby Barrett, MPP, an' I'll keep everybuddy posted on what he sez back.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

Mama, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Tories (audio)

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I was over t' Cathie From Canada's fine boog this mornin' an' CathieGal paid me a compliment when she sez I got a Willie Nelson voice. I reckon she mighta been bein' sarcastic but I'll take whatever I can get. It was a good co-inkydink on accounta jest last night I wrote up sum new words t' ol' Willie's Mama, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys. This mornin', I finished the words an' recorded the song fer yer listenin' pleasure. I posted up a MP3 audio like always.


Mama, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Tories

Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be Tories,
Don't let 'em kill Kyoto and wage Afghan wars,
Make 'em honour treaties and abide by the laws;
Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be Tories,
They're always campaigning and running attack ads,
Even when there's no campaign.

Tories ain't easy to love and they lie to get votes,
They'll promise you pie in the sky and get up your hopes,
More doctors, less taxes and clean air to breathe, tomorrow's a sunny new day,
And if you don't understand 'em, it really don't matter,
Just don't believe a word that they say.

Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be Liberals,
Don't let 'em dither and equivocate,
Make 'em finish what they start and clean up their plate;
Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be Liberals,
They'll turn on each other and then self-destruct,
And maybe just fade away.

Liberals ain't easy to love and they lie to get votes ,
They'll promise you pie in the sky and get up your hopes,
More doctors, less taxes and clean air to breathe, tomorrow's a sunny new day,
And if you don't understand 'em, it really don't matter,
Just don't believe a word that they say.

Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be Dippers,
Don't let 'em read Marx and pontificate,
Make 'em quit creating a welfare state;
Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be Dippers,
They've got good intentions but we know damn well,
That pavement leads straight into hell.

Dippers ain't easy to love and they lie to get votes,
They'll promise you pie in the sky and get up your hopes,
More doctors, less taxes and clean air to breathe, tomorrow's a sunny new day,
And if you don't understand 'em, it really don't matter,
Just don't believe a word that they say.

Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be Greenies,
Don't let 'em recycle and fight for clean air,
Make 'em polluters who don't really care;
Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be Greenies,
They'll turn down your furnace and compost your trash,
And tell you they're savin' the world.

Greenies are easy to love, they don't lie to get votes,
They'll try to clean up the air and get up your hopes,
Kyoto compliance and clean air to breathe, tomorrow's a sunny new day,
And if you don't understand 'em, watch the TV debates,
Keep your eye on Elizabeth May.

Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be politicians,
Don't let 'em go stumpin' and tell bald-faced lies,
Make 'em quit promisin' pie in the sky;
Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be politicians,
They'll flip and they'll flop and they'll say anything,
To get you to give 'em your vote.

CLICK HERE FER THE MP3 AUDIO

JimBobby

Oh yeah... fergot t' mention that I didn't do the voice changin' trick again this time. I was talkin' on the phone t' my cartoon-drawin' buddy Johnny Fewings an' he sed I oughta leave off with the filterin' an' jest use my real voice so that's what I done an' I'll probbly do the selfsame thing from here on out.
JB

Liberal, Tory, NDP - They look the same to me.

Whooee! Well, I was over t' RobertyBob McClelland's Blahg where there's a buncha numbnuts Dippers trash-talkin' the gal I adore, Earth Mother Lizzie May. A coupla commentators, Bill-Muskoka an' arthurdeco, stood up fer LizzieGal an' I did, too. I'm workin' what I sed over there inta this here boog story.

Lizzie made the grave polytickle neofighter mistake o' thinkin' the Dips an' Grits might be more interested in what's good fer Canajuns than in winnin' seats an' gainin' power. That rubs the wrong way fer old-line, mud-slingin', polyticks-as-usual partisan power lusters.

I’m a Greenie so it won’t be no surprise that I’m standin’ alongside o’ MuskokieBill an’ Art Deco. If the NDP's worried ’bout rigged electionvotes but they're willin’ to accept the idea that a MP can be elected in a 4 way race with 26% o’ the vote, their priorities is jumbled up, sez I. In Q-beck , where they’ll have 5-way races, a MP can win with 21%.

Earth Mother Lizzie May’s after what’s best fer Canada an’ what’s best fer democracy. Our ol’ fashioned FPTP system is a slap in the face t’ democracy. If the Grits an’ Dippers really wanna do what’s best fer Canajuns, they’ll do what it takes t’ get us complyin’ with Kyoto. Allowin’ the Cons t’ win when they got more’n 60% o’ the voters against ‘em ain’t what’s best fer Canada. Any idjit who ain’t wearin’ partisan blinders oughta be able t’ see that.

Like Billy Muskoke sez over t' Bob's Blahg, Lizzie May’s a breath o’ fresh air an’ her inexperience in the mudslingin’ world o’ polyticks-as-usual shouldn’t oughta count against her. The Dips is scared shitless an’ they're lashin’ out at their allies in what the opposin’ general calls the Battle of Kyoto.

Are Dippers more concerned with power than with what’s best fer Canada an’ ol’ Mother Earth? Sure as hell looks that way.

The Dips useta have a slogan -

“Liberal, Tory - same old story.”

Now, I reckon we can change that -

“Liberal, Tory, NDP — They look the same to me.”

There’s funny British TV show called Little Britain where they do a routine starrin’ Daffyd, the only gay in his Welsh village. He's got a persecution complex an' he don’t want any other queers t’ move in t' spread the grief around.

“I’m the only gay in the village,” sez he.

The DippyWips remind me o’ the goofy gay -

“We’re the only third party in Parliament.”

Wake up, mudslingers. Remember who yer enemy is. Here’s a hint - it’s the ones who stand t’ win a majority an’ kill Kyoto fer good.

JimBobby

Dion's Got Problems

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I was watchin' the Lloyd Robertson TV News Show last night an' they were yammerin' on all 'bout this here new 'pinion poll that don't look good fer the GrittyBoys. This here poll sez the Liberals lost 8% support since back in December an' most o' that support - 5% - went t' Earth Mother Lizzie May an' the Greenies. The ConMen picked up 3% an' the Dippers an' rotten separatist BlocHeads didn't budge.

Mebbe now that the Dips see us Greens ain't takin' from them but from the Grits, they'll lay off in the bad-mouth-the-greens department.

Accordin' t' that poll, the biggest troublem fer the Liberals is their leader. Dion comes up short in jest about every question havin' t' do with leadership. Bad news, sez I.

I figger Dion's got two bigass problems an' here's what they are --

• His personality. Dion seems like the kinda guy you'd want fer a next door neighbour - quiet, timid, unassuming, intelligent, MYOB type, cuts his grass with a non-powered mower, rakes leaves instead o' usin' a bigass blower. You know. Good neighbour stuff -- not bossman o' Canada stuff.
  

  His English. It ain't good. Sure, Harpoon's French ain't great but Harpoon don't need French-speakin' voters as much as Dion needs English-speakers. Everybuddy knows Dion's a university perfessor an' we expect better English from him than we accepted from Chretien. Folks say it ain't that he's incapable o' learnin' but that he never thought it was very important. It is, sez I.

I never woulda thought Harper's personality would be on the plus side fer the cardboard guy who shakes hands with the kiddies. When Harpoon wins in personality, it can only mean there's sumpin' wrong with the other guy.

If the Grits wanna pull their fat outta the fire, they gotta put a new suit on Dion an' they gotta get him a language coach. If they don't whip him inta shape, they're gonna have their own Kim Campbell on their hands -- 'cept Dion won't even get t' be PM like Kim did.

I ain't bettin' the Grits'll take my advice an' that's jest fine an' dandy on accounta the Grits' loss is the Greens' gain.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

Sing Us a Song, You're Enviro-Man (audio)

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, here we go again with anuther polytickle song. Yesterday, I was over 't the Gazetteer's fine boog an' he had hisself a boog story 'bout lullabyes an' playin' piana fer the kiddies an' he was on about ol' Billy Joel's song The Piano Man. The GazetteMan got that melody runnin' 'round my head an' it weren't long before I had the chorus fer a new song.

I recorded the song this mornin' an' I did it a little different than usual. I usually run my singin' through a vibrato filter so's t' disguise my voice an' I usually don't have any instrumental stuff. This time, I wanted t' toss in a little piana playin' on accounta it bein' the Piano Man song. I ain't much of a piana player an' I 'specially ain't any good at accompanyin' my own singin' self. But, dang it all, I did it anyways. So's I wouldn't bend my piano notes, I didn't disguise my voice fer this one.

Here's the MP3 audio boog file.

Sing Us a Song, You're Enviro-Man

It's nine o'clock up in Ottawa,
Most of the MPs are there,
They're all in their seats, except Steve's on his feet,
Tryin' to prove that he cares.

He says, "Folks, I'm as green as those other guys,
Thirteen years and they didn't do squat,
Except sign on Kyoto then sit on their thumbs
Playin' games while the Earth got too hot."

La la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Sing us a song, you're Enviro-Man,
Tell us another one, Steve.
We're all in the mood for Kyoto compliance,
So, what have you got up your sleeve?

The Big Oil magnates are friends of yours,
They contribute to your campaign,
Their brand of green funds your party machine,
And you listen when they complain.

They say "Steve, Kyoto is killin' us,
Emission caps should be banned,
At least 'til we make a few billion,
Extracting crude oil from sand."

La la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Sing us a song, you're Enviro-Man,
Tell us another one, Steve.
We're all in the mood for Kyoto compliance,
So, what have you got up your sleeve?

Now, Steve is an egghead Prime Minister,
There's a pit bull named Baird at his side,
Who snarls and snaps about emission caps,
While his limousine's idling outside.

And the Speaker is practicing politics,
As the insults and taunts fill the air.
While the climate is changing, they're just rearranging,
The Titanic's three hundred deck chairs.

La la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Sing us a song, you're Enviro-Man,
Tell us another one, Steve.
We're all in the mood for Kyoto compliance,
So, what have you got up your sleeve?

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD OR STREAM AUDIO

My undisguised voice ain't a whole lot better'n the usual vibrato version an' I reckon I hit a wrong note or two. I'm workin' on it but I been noticin' as I get older, my voice is soundin' more'n'more like a old codger - even when I'm jest talkin'.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

Bigass Yahoo Ranking

Whooee! Well, I see lotsa funny stuff in my referrer logs jest like every booger does. Usually, I get Googlers lookin' fer Katrina Song or Jesus Cartoons. Today, I come across this funny one where they was searchin' fer "bigass." Danged if they didn't find ol' JimBobby Sez an' danged if I ain't the only English language site in there with all o' these here Chinese ones.

Now, jest earlier today I give sum yahoo a minor dressin' down on accounta him goin' ad hominem on me. Now, I got this Yahoo showin' my boog when the Chinese look fer bigass.

I ain't sure how much abuse I can take.

JB

Pragmatic Liberals? Don't Make Me Laugh.

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I was over t' Far and Wide an' they're having a boogin' gabfest in the comments department on jest how great the Liberal Party o' Canada is on accounta they allow fer dissention in the ranks an' how they got a big tent. I ain't so sure 'bout the big tent. I reckon mebbe they got a big campground an' a lot o' little teepees pitched here an' there.

Since I'm a pragmatist an' a lazyass, I copied my comment from there an' whipped it inta this here boog story. That's called gettin' a job done an' gettin' it done with the least cost an' effort. I learned t' work that way by bein' self-employed fer 30-odd years. Anyways, here's mostly what I yammered 'bout in my comment.

The Liberal fellers an' gals over t' Far an' Wide was doin' a great job o' pattin' 'emselves on the back. I ain't no HarpoonTosser an' I ain't sayin' the Conmen don't try t' capitalize on dissent within the Grits. One thing I reckon is that any party'll use any dissention in the other fellers' ranks as ammo against 'em. I call that polyticks-as-usual an' the Cons is as usual as the Grits when it comes t' playin' polytickle games.

Dissent within the Grits when the Martinets purged the Chretienites is the main reason the GrittyBoys ain't in power right now. A united Liberal Party would o' beat the damage done by AdScam an' at least got a minority. Martin screwed up bigtime when he kept on with the rivalry an' nastiness after he'd already won.

Stoopid, sez I, really stoopid.

Steve V.'s the fine booger who writes the Far an' Wide boog. I reckon he's a good wordsmith an' a good Liberal foot soldier an' I commend him fer his dedication an' fer sharin' his 'pinions in his boog an' fer allowin' dissentin' 'pinions t' get publicated in his comments. He's a credit t' the Canajun boogeysphere, sez I.

But ... (Sorry, SteveFeller) he's spinnin' 'round makin' fancy cheerleadin' moves when he sez -

"The Liberal Party, at present, seems to be the only home for pragmatism."

He explains what he means by tellin' how the Grits can bend an' morph an' respond t' publick 'pinion an', even though that looks like flip-floppin' an' mebbe even is flip-floppin', it ain't a bad thing an' it only goes t' show how pragmatic the Liberals is.

If yer main definition o' pragmatism is being able t' flip-flop (like Steve's sayin'), Harpoon's got the Grits beat with income trusts, anthropogenic climate change an' kissin' Mahar Arar's behind. He's an ideologue, no two ways, but he's been eatin' sum crow on a few bigass issues.

I don't reckon pragmatism is all 'bout flip-floppin', though. I always call myself a pragmatist an' when I say that, I mean that I'm a feller who wants t' tackle troublems head-on with practical, effective solutions. That means comin' to a decision an' not ditherin' with too many superfluous discussions an' endless studies, reports an' consensus buildin' horsepuckey.

The Liberals ain't exactly that kinda pragmatists, sez I. I ain't gonna trot out that dumbass "13 years of ... blah blah blah..." but I am gonna say there was way too much head-scratchin' an' redundant studyin' done under the Grits. A lotta talk without a lotta action.

Kyoto come in 5 years ago - not 13 or 15, like sum numbnutses wanna say -- but the grits knew it was comin' an if they believed in the dangers o' Climate Change as defined in Kyoto in 1998-99, they shoulda done a whole lot more'n what they did. Fer sure, they coulda an' if they was pragmatic, they woulda.

Shoulda, coulda, woulda don't cut it fer this voter.

The Liberals can pat themselves on the back fer bein' open-minded an' welcomin' different 'pinions an' points o' view in their ranks but, dang it all, ol' Mother Earth ain't got time fer an all talk, no action party.

You want pragmatism? Take a look at the Greenies.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

"Soft on Terrorism?" Don't Insult Our Intelligence

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I was jest over t' StageLeft an' the Stage Coach Driver's got a boog story with a good letter t' Pryminister Steve tellin' Harpoon what's what an' what's his job in question period. It ain't rocket science. His job is t' answer questions.

Reason he wrote the letter was on accounta when King Steve got asked 'bout how he's gonna help out the autoworkers in Ontariariario, Steve answered back that Dion's soft on terrism. That got me writin' a bigass comment an' now I'm recyclin' most o' that selfsame comment inta this here boog story.

That ol’ “soft on terrism” crappola don’t cut any shit with most Canajuns, anymore - if it ever did. Harpoon might reinforce the support o’ sum Boogin’ Tories or Alien Alberts but he ain’t gonna win over any new Cons by usin’ Georgie Dubya’s wornout name-callin’ tactics. Bush’s in the dumper. He might still be Harpoon’s hero but he ain’t got the support of even 30% of his own Merkan people an’ he’s a liability t’ his own Repugnacian party.

Canajuns ain’t livin’ in a vacuum. We get the bigass Merkan news networks on our TV’s. We heard that dumbass line bein’ used by the Bushman an’ we know that under the Bushman’s reign of terror, terrism has become a bigger troublem. His version o’ bein’ tuff has helped make the world a less safe place an’ there ain’t much of anybuddy who don’t see it that way in 2007.

We ain’t stoopid enuff t’ fall fer that BushTalk from outta our pryminister. I reckon Harpoon’s insultin’ the intelligence o’ Canajuns. Not only by this dumbass Bushism but by thinkin’ nobuddy notices when he doesn’t answer the question. Come t’ think of it, he’s insultin’ Canajuns’ intelligence with that ridiculous green disguise he’s been wearin’ lately. Green, my ass.

Regardin’ the dirty ol’ car makers, there’s a golden opportunity in the green economy department. We give billions in tax breaks t’ the big 3 an’ we can put sum strings on the corporate welfare so’s they hafta do things like produce hybrid cars instead o’ Lincoln Navigators in Canajun factories. Mebbe even hybrid Navigators, who knows?

We can also encourage the automakers t’ clean up their act and reduce their own carbon footprint. I’m talkin’ tax breaks fer implementin’ emissions reduction. That money is money we keep here in Canada instead o’ payin’ it out in Kyoto penalties t’ other countries. Win-win stuff.

Harpoon’s got quit insultin’ our intelligence an’ start usin’ that big egghead o’ his t’ work on solutions instead o’ all o’ this here natterin’ negativity an’ polytickle finger pointin’.

JimBobby

Scott Tribe Attacked

Whooee! I seen a boog story this mornin' that set my blood a-boil. A feller who's been boogin' long enuff t' know better made an unfounded accusation against Scott Tribe. The irresponsible boog publisher made his accusation based soley on guesswork.

Yesterday, Scotty pointed a few people in my direction an' I went inta Scotty's comments an' sed sumpin' I sed before - Scott Tribe is a credit t' the Canajun boogeysphere. Boogers who make ad hominem attacks based on conjecture are a discredit t' the boogeysphere an' also t' the human race.

Definition of slander:

• words falsely spoken that damage the reputation of another
• aspersion: an abusive attack on a person's character or good name
• defame: charge falsely or with malicious intent; attack the good name and reputation of someone; "The journalists have defamed me!" "The article in the paper sullied my reputation"
  (wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn)

Definition of libel:

• a false and malicious publication printed for the purpose of defaming a living person
• print slanderous statements against; "The newspaper was accused of libeling him"
• the written statement of a plaintiff explaining the cause of action (the defamation) and any relief he seeks
  (wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn)

Definition of snake:

• limbless scaly elongate reptile; some are venomous
• a deceitful or treacherous person
  (wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn)

JimBobby

UPDATE: The slanderer just removed all comments critical of his unfounded accusations while leaving the accusations in his original post stand as well as leaving his own further comments. Any tiny doubts that I might have had about the ethics of this cretin have just been erased. He deserves only contempt. FYI, there were comments from me, BigCityLib, BCer in TO and maybe another (I can't remember.)

When readers take the time to compose and post comments, jump through the Captcha hoop, and take a writer to task for improper behaviour, they deserve to have those comments left intact. The comments were critical but did not use profanity. The comments deserved a response but all they got was censorship. So much for free speech. Another blow to the credibility of the Canajun boogeysphere, sez I.

SECOND UPDATE: The slanderer may have got legal counsel. He's modified his original post. I reckon that's what they call revisionism... or coverin' yer ass.

JB

THE NIGHT THEY VOTED HARPER DOWN (Song, Audio)

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I reckon everybuddy's already heard 'bout the remembers o' parliment rememberin' Canada's committment to our Kyoto treaty obligations. I figgered sumpin' like this needed a song so I took a old timey song by The Band called The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down an' I set sum new words to it. I call it The Night They Voted Harper Down. I made a MP3 audio boog fer yer listenin' pleasure.

The Night They Voted Harper Down

Pablo Rodriguez is the name, and I serve with the Liberal gang,
The Kyoto Treaty's my game an' I wanna enforce that thing,
On the 14th of February, climate change was lookin' real scary,
The Conservatives said "Kyoto's too tough," but the opposition called its bluff.

The night they voted Harper down, and the bells were ringing,
The night they knocked off King Steve's crown, and the people were singin'.
They went "Meet our Kyoto goals, obey the law, you buncha assholes,
Never mind the hypocrisy, remember this is a democracy."

We signed Kyoto in 2002, gave Canada a lotta work t'do
Reducin' gas emissions and makin' some tough decisions.
The Liberals dithered, the Cons stood in the way, never heard what the people did say,
To meet our targets, the majority pushed, but Harper only listens to George Bush.

The night they voted Harper down, and the bells were ringing,
The night they knocked off King Steve's crown, and the people were singin'.
They went "Meet our Kyoto goals, obey the law, you buncha assholes,
Forget the hypocrisy, remember this is a democracy."

The Liberals and Martin, had programs just barely startin'
The Cons came in and gave 'em the axe, shot down any talk of a carbon tax.
Kyoto's still new but it's doin' some good Steve Harper never understood
But Parliament spoke, Harper's not exempt
Obey the law or be charged with contempt.

The night they voted Harper down, and the bells were ringing,
The night they knocked off King Steve's crown, and the people were singin'.
They went "Meet our Kyoto goals, obey the law, you buncha assholes,
Set aside your hypocrisy, remember this is a democracy."

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD OR STREAM MP3 AUDIO

Yeow! When I recorded it up this mornin' I made a couplafew ad lib changes an' I repeated the last chorus twice but it's mostly the same as how I wrote it.

JimBobby

Humans - 1 , Squirrel - 0

Whooee! Well friends, I'm gonna do a little o' what they call personal boogin' as opposed t' the usual polytickle stuff I been yammerin' on 'bout, lately. I ain't wrote anythin' 'bout squirrels lately an' that's on accounta I ain't had any recent troublems with bushy-tailed rats fer a while.

I still ain't had any troublems but ol' Steve an' Kathy who live two doors down had sum troublems with a dang squirrel today an' they called on the squirrel-fightin' expertise of ol' JimBobby t' help 'em in their hour o' need. SteveFeller gimme a call late this afternoon an' he sed he's got hisself a bushytail in the ol' chimney hole down in the basement. I sprung inta action an' gathered up sum o' my squirrel gear -- a live trap an' a long-handled reachy thing that's made fer pickin' up keys an' kleenexes offa the floor an' not fer grabbin' squirrels but mebbe it'd work.

SteveMan slid a piece wood from over that chimney hole an' danged if the varmint weren't settin' right there lookin' us eyeball t' eyeball. He put the cover back quicklike an' we all three of us had a bigass confab 'bout what sorta tactic we oughta try. I was mostly fer settin' the live trap an' waitin' over night fer the sumbitch t' get hisself caught. That'd be my easiest way out, fer sure.

The next easiest way'd be t' get a 22 an' shoot the vermin. Steve's sorta like ol' Spot an' he ain't got the killer instinct, even when it comes t' executin' a bigass rodent that's invaded yer home. I din't spend much time tryin' t' convince them two that killin' the little sumbitch'd be sorta like trappin' a mouse under the sink. There weren't gonna be any death in the afternoon this afternoon.

Ol' Steve had hisself a good idea. He got a plastic laundry basket an' we held that up t' the hole an' slid the board off. Whooee! Steve dragged the little critter inta the basket usin' a stick with anuther stick stuck t' the end sorta like a little hoe.

First time, the varmint jumped back in the chimney hole on accounta we din't slide the basket down quick enuff. Next time, we did an' danged if the three of us din't get that bushytail all closed up in the laundry basket with a board overtop.

Turned out the little feller was sorta dozy an' slow. He mighta been there a while an' not had any food or water 'cept there was also a dead bird there an' he mighta been nibblin' on that. We carried him out an' turned him loose on the sidewalk where the snow weren't deep. He walked away down the sidewalk an' we went back inside fer a few refreshments an' self-congratulations an' then I ranted at 'em a little 'bout polyticks.

I'm chalkin' this one up as a winnin' battle fer the good guys in the humans versus rodent invaders war.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

Greens Harper's Best Friends in Quest for Majority

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I reckon me an' my Green Party buddies is gonna help ol' King Steve Harpoon get his majority when we have our next electionvote. I can't say the idea don't make me a little bit queasy. I'm a little queasy but I ain't shittin' my pants an' I'll tell you why.

Steve's an egghead. He ain't jest an ordinary egghead. He's an egghead's egghead. I don't figger there's many Canajuns who don't give Harpoon sum credit fer usin' his massive brainpower t' get his Cons elected. He's one smart cookie, no two ways. I'm countin' on his brain t' work things out an' come t' the only smart conclusions a brainiac egghead can come to.

So far, Harpoon's been lettin' PitBullBoy yap an' yammer an' Baird sez he ain't buyin' inta any carbon taxin' or carbon tradin' scheme. But that's gonna change, sez I. The Cons has shown they ain't afraid o' flippety-floppin' an' I figger they're settin' 'emselves up fer a flip-floppin' on carbon tradin' jest like they done with the income trusts. When sumpin' makes economic sense, like taxin' income trusts or gettin' in on carbon tradin', they gotta do it.

King Steve's specialty is economics. A couplafew weeks ago, they had the World Economic Forum over in Davos, Switzerland. The world's biggest bizness guys an' industrialists an' economists all agreed that man-made climate change is sumpin' t' worry 'bout an' also that it's sumpin' where there's money t' be made. They're economic smartypantses jest like Harpoon an' they're all gung-ho on carbon tradin'. They're gettin' in on the ground floor an' I figger Harpoon the economic egghead ain't so stoopid as t' watch while Canada's economy goes down the tubes on accounta we didn't get in on the carbon market.

Steve knows that jobs-jobs-jobs equals votes-votes-votes. The sector where we got the best chance o' creatin' jobs-jobs-jobs is energy. Sum o' them jobs'll be created when we make the tar sands produce more oil an' less GHG's. Other new jobs'll be created when we build up alternative energy supplies. There's thousands o' jobs an' billions o' bucks t' be made in wind power, tidal power, hydro power, geothermal power. Steve ain't stoopid an' anybuddy who ain't stoopid can see where new jobs'll come from. The Cons is already modified their slogan from "Canada's an energy superpower" to "Canada's aiming to become a clean energy superpower."

I'm purty well resigned t' the fact that the Cons'll win a majority an' I figger the elctionvote's comin' sooner rather than later. I figger the Green Party's gonna take 'bout 10% o' the popular vote. I figger that'll put the Con candidates first past the post in a majority o' ridin's. They'll get a majority gummint with the smallest popular support ever. An' jest like everybuddy's scared of, they'll be able t' do jest what they want fer 5 years or so.

I'm countin' on 'em doin' what makes economic sense fer Canada an' that's t' capitalize on carbon tradin' an' green-collar job creation.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

How Much is That Pit Bull in the Window? (song, audio)

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I been inspired a lot lately to make up songs 'bout Canajun polyticks. I recorded up a couple last week an' I gotta new one today an' it's all 'bout Steve Harper's pit bull, Johnny Baird. I made a MP3 audio file (2.35 Mb) so's you can hear me singin' it.


How Much is That Pit Bull in the Window?

How much is that pit bull in the window?
Environment Minister Baird.
He looks like he'd take a bite outta Belinda,
And make all the other Liberals run scared.

He took over from Rona, the hapless,
To make Harper's Tories look green,
And now when it comes to green action,
There's a pit bull who's snarly and mean.

He won't allow emission capping;
Carbon taxes make him recoil.
Then he charges out barking and snapping,
While he feathers the bed for big oil.

One point three billion in handouts,
Each year to Alberta's tar sands
To help kill the Earth no one can doubt.
So, who's got the blood on their hands?

Ontario's big three car makers
Spew poisons and filth in the air.
Of tax breaks and handouts they're takers;
But the sleepy pit bull doesn't care.

The Liberal leadership race was quite fitful.
They elected Stephane, the green.
But a poodle's no match for a pit bull;
Especially, a pit bull so mean.

So, when you see pit bull Baird comin',
Give the snarly cur a wide berth.
He'll keep the dirty economy hummin',
To the peril of old Mother Earth.

If you're tired of pit bull Baird's horseshit,
And you're looking to find a new way
To stop factories from emitting more shit,
Join the Greens and Elizabeth May.

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD OR STREAM AUDIO

Yores trooly,

JimBobby

A Country Mouse in the City

Whooee! Well friends, on Friday night, I hauled my ass inta Trawna (centre o' the universe) an' met up with sum o' the leadin' lights o' the Canajun boogeysphere. Ol' Zorpheous was there an' it was Zorf who invited this here hick t' get outta Nanticoke an' t' go 't where the air is cleaner - Yonge an' Blur. Thankee fer the invite, ZorfMan.

Also settin' 'round the dinner table with Zorf, Mrs. Zorf an' ol' JimBobby, was the Canajun Cynic, Buckets o' Grewal an' the charmin' Mrs. Buckets, Antonia Zerbisias from the Trawna Star, Ian Scott, BigCityLib, the BCer inTO, Chet who writes The Vanity Press an' his missus. Mostly, it was fellers an' gals who park their polyticks on the left side o' the fence. No fights broke out.

Well, we talked 'bout stuff like boogin' comments gabfests an' the commentin' trolls who sumtimes make life miserable fer Canajun boogers. An' we talked 'bout how boogs can influence the voters come an electionvote. Sum of us boogers who got a secret identity talked 'bout how we almost been caught an' exposed fer who we really are.

We also talked 'bout the meltin' glaciers an' Greenland slidin' inta the ocean an' methane gas escapin' from the meltin' permafrost an' other bad stuff. We toasted (no pun intended) the end o' the world.

I s'pose it was a little bit of a surprise fer these here boogers when they seen JimBobby could move 'round in Trawna without drawin' any tension. I reckon sum of 'em thought they was gonna see a hayseed in a plaid shirt an' bib overalls. I left that outfit home an' wore a sweater an' blue jeans an' I let James Robert do most o' the talkin' fer JimBobby.

Anyways, I reckon the onliest ones interested in what a buncha Canajun boogers done last Friday is the bunch who was there. Us boogers has gotta purty high opinion of ourselves an' gettin' together fer a group pat-on-the-back is good fer the egos. I'm ready fer the next booger pub night whenever the Trawna gang sez.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

NDP, Green Party, Sierra Club - Who you gonna trust?

Whooee! Well friends, I was over t' the BCer in TO today cheerin' on the gal I adore, Earth Mother Lizzie May. A gal name o' Jan from up in Bruce County said Lizzie gal's got a uphill climb an' she reminded me that back in 2006 the Sierra Club gave higher marks fer the NDP environment platform than fer the Greens.

Everything's changed since then. Jest ask the so-called former climate change denier, Steve Harpoon. Lizzie May comes from the Sierra Club so I reckon if there were any shortcomin's in the 2006 GPC platform, she'll fix 'em if she ain't already fixed 'em. I ain't sure if Jan was tryin' t' cheerlead fer the Dippers or not but I told her why I don't figger the Dips are the ones t' trust on green suff.

Here's what I sed -

I figger the Dipper's is a bit like the Grits. They can talk a good talk on green stuff. When push comes t' shove, the Dips'll side with the dirty car makers who keep the union folks workin'.

The Sierra Club endorsed what the NDP put on paper - not what the NDP had actually accomplished. NDP gummints in BC an 'Sasky got pitiful records when it comes t' loggin' an' minin' issues. We ain't never had a NDP fed gummint so alls we can look at fer the party's record is what they done provincially -- an' that weren't impressive.

The Dips is clingin' t' a outdated economic model - socialism. Sure, on paper, socialism looks good. Ideally, it might be great. But we ain't livin' in an ideal world. The reality is that biznesses, big an' small, hold great sway. The GPC sees bizness as our ally in makin' changes. The NDP sees bizness as its enemy an' because of that, can never enlist the much-needed cooperation of bizness in affectin' green action.

GPC an' NDP are two very different parties with similar ideas on the environment and a few other issues. If the NDP would get out o' bed with the unions an' the dirty industries who employ them unions, they might have sum credibility.

The new green economy is gonna need entrepreneurs an' venture capitalists t' create green-collar jobs. Entrepreneurs an' venture capitalists ain't the natural constituency o' the Dippers. The GPC's fiscally conservative, bizness-friendly philosophy is the antithesis of the NDP's adversarial posture. If we want green action, we need bizness cooperation an' we ain't gonna get it if the NDP's callin' the shots.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

The Tobacco Farmer Song (audio)

Whooee! Well, I been seein' a few boogs where they're pointin' the finger at Immigration Minister Diane Finley fer pork-barrellin' the tobacky industry. Jeff Jedras who's the BCer in TO had hisself a piece on it and so did this here audacious ontology booger from out in Salmon Arm, BC. I left the selfsame comment on both o' them boogs.

Here's most o' what I sed -

I live in Finley's ridin'. This here tobacky bizness is a big deal 'round my neck o' the woods.

The gummint's talkin' outta both sides of its mouth. They support the cigarette makers but run ads tellin' everybuddy t' quit smokin'.

They been tryin' t' get the tobacco farmers t' switch t' a different crop fer at least 25 years. There's one simple reason why the farmers don't switch. They make more money growin' their poison crop than they can make on any other crop.

There's $1 billion buyout scheme in the works. The way I hear-tell, haff'll come from the feds an' haff from Ontariariario. A billion divided up among 650 farmers with sum allowance fer bureaucratic overhead comes out t' 'bout a million bucks a piece fer the farmers.

But here's the thing...

Tobacco farmers are the richest farmers in Canadee. They got monster houses, mostly built in the last 20 years. They drive bigass SUV's, Mercedeses, Caddylacks an' bran' new top-o-the-line pickup trucks. They vacation in the most expensive parts o' the world.

They're mostly a buncha snobs, too.

Nobuddy 'round here'll work fer 'em anymore on accounta they're rotten bosses an' the pay's too low. They cash in on gummint programs so's they can bring offshore workers in t' do the work Canajuns won't do. They have bunkhouses on the farms where these pore bastards from Jamaica, Barbados an' Mexico live crammed together.

Their net worth is 'bout double what the average farmer's is. Their annual income is 'bout 140% o' the average Canajun farmer.

An' it looks like they're each gonna get a million bucks from the publick purse so they can adjust t' market conditions that any fool could o' seen comin' 45 years ago when the US Surgeon general let everybuddy know that there's a direct link between cigarettes an' cancer.

I know a fair number o' tobacky farmers. None of 'em smoke.

Well, all this got me thinkin' 'bout ol' Murray McLauchlin's Farmer Song an' I made up a version fer Tobacky Farmers.

The Tobacco Farmer Song

Tobacco farmer out workin' his fields,
Overseein' his gang o' black slaves,
The sun beatin' down turns the green leaves t' gold,
But the marketplace just won't behave
He takes off his hat and scratches his head
Tryin' to find a new answer
To a question they answered 45 years ago
"Does cigarette smokin' cause cancer?"

Straw hats and brand new Mercedes
Bank accounts filled to the top
Thanks for the smoke but I'm startin' to choke
The addiction is sure hard to stop

The doctors gang up with their 'no smoking' talk
Things just ain't what they used to be
The kids are out drivin' their motorized toys
Jet skis and their own SUV's
If he quits growin' poison he'll have to grow food
It's tough and the money ain't great
So they're askin' taxpayers for a billion-buck buyout
To put filet mignon on their plate.

Straw hats and brand new Mercedes
Mansions with big swimmin' pools
Whinin' for handouts from the public purse
They're playin' the public for fools.

Straw hats and brand new Mercedes
Bank accounts filled to the top
Thanks for the smoke but I'm startin' to choke
The addiction is sure hard to stop.

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD OR STREAM MP3

Now, friends, I know this makes two songs in two days. Don't getcher hopes too high. I ain't gonna be postin' up a new song everyday.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

New Mantra: Blame Kyoto

Whooee! I figger we're gonna see more'n'more o' this sorta crappola from the anti-Kyoto crowd. Every time there's a bizness setback, they'll scapegoat it onta Kyoto. I was over t' BigCityLib's boog this mornin' an' there was an anonynumbnuts commenter who sed --

CHRYSLER TO AXE 2000 CANADIAN JOBS-G&M
Didn't know meeting Kyoto would be so easy.

I seen he was bein' sarcastic an' blamin' Kyoto an' I give the shitferbrains a dressin' down when I sed -

TOYOTA TO CREATE 2000 CANADIAN JOBS in Woodstock, another 320 in Simcoe, ON.

The Big 3 are all in trouble, all across North Merka. We ain't enforced any Kyoto targets an' neither have the Merkans so I gotta wonder how the anony feller can put the blame on it.

Canajuns an' Merkans both react quicker t' things like the price o' gas than the automakers. Sales of SUV's an' gas guzzlers softened quick an' the Big 3'll take years t' catch up.

It don't help much when Ontariariario an' Ottywa put billions inta proppin' up the backward-thinkin' auto industry. The bottom's bound t' fall out.

Thousands o' green collar jobs are bein' created but there's a few here an' a few there that's addin' up. It don't make news like 2000 jobs at one outfit.

Ol' Mother Earth's in trouble an' more'n'more folks is tryin' t' put us on the road t' survival.

Lead, follow or get outta the way.

Our gummints been kissin' ass by dolin' out corporate welfare t' the automakers an' t' the oil an' gas industry. The Grits done it when they was in. The Cons is doin' it now. The provincial gummints is right on board, too. Not all Canajuns is happy 'bout our tax money goin' t' help put more Lincoln Navigators on the road or t' waste water an' energy extractin' tar sands oil so's the numbnutses an' ostriches in Canadee an' Merka can poison the earth.

If gummints is gonna give away our money, there oughta be strings attached an' them strings oughta be green.

Yores trooly,

JimBobby

Rawhide on the Rideau (Song, Audio)

Whooee! Well friends, I heard sum sad news today. Ol' Frankie Laine died. Frankie's the feller who sang that there Rawhide song that goes "Rollin', rollin', rollin'..." I figgered Frankie'd been dead fer ages but he was 93 an' stll kickin'. Up til yesterday, leastwise.

Anyways, I wrote me a song t' the tune o' that there Rawhide song an' I made a MP3 audio boog so's everybuddy can listen. Here's the words:

Rawhide on the Rideau

Strollin', Strollin', Strollin',
'Cross the aisle they're strollin',
Our MP's are a-strollin',
Rawhide!
Wajid, Belinda and Garth,
It's enough to make a man barf,
The way they can jump from side to side.
Emerson's another
Switched over to the others
And didn't let the voters decide.

Stand 'em up, Sit 'em down,
Pound the desks, shout 'em down,
Stand 'em up, Sit 'em down,
Rawhide!
Whip the vote, Yay or Nay,
Don't listen to what the voters say,
Count 'em up, Yay or Nay,
Rawhide!

They're movin', movin', movin'
The public's disapprovin'
But them MP's keep on movin'
Rawhide!
The voters keep on waitin'
For effective legislatin'
While MP's are livin' high and wide.
In Parliamentary quarrels,
Don't expect no morals,
When MP's jump from side to side.

Stand 'em up, Sit 'em down,
Sit 'em down, stand 'em up,
Pound the desks, shout 'em down,
Rawhide!
Count 'em up, Yay or Nay,
Don't listen to what the voters say,
Whip the vote, Yay or Nay,
Rawhide!

The drummer is a-drummin'
An election's surely comin'
The backrooms are a-hummin'
Rawhide!
Liberals, Cons and Dippers,
Flip-floppers and flop-flippers
Our MP's keep jumpin' side to side
Never mind the voters
Watch out for the swiftboaters
And never admit that your guys lied.

Stand 'em up, Sit 'em down,
Pound the desks, shout 'em down,
Stand 'em up, Sit 'em down,
Rawhide!
Whip the vote, Yay or Nay,
Don't listen to what the voters say,
Count 'em up, Yay or Nay,
Rawhide!

CLICK HERE FER THE AUDIO MP3

Yeow! I hope I ain't bein' disrespectful o' Frankie Laine an' that I am bein' disrespectful o' them aisle-crossin', double-crossin' MP's an' the whips who's whippin' 'em.

Yores trooly,

JimBobby

Climate Change Deniers: Lunatic Fringe

(Whooee!) Now that the IPCC report has been basically accepted by prominent former CC deniers like GWB and PMSH, the CC denial community must finally accept science and get out of the way of progress.

Anthropogenic climate change deniers have been relegated to the lunatic fringe along with moon-landing deniers, 9/11 conspiracy theorists and those who claim there were really no dinosaurs.

The lunatic fringe doesn't get a seat at the debate table. When serious discussions are taking place concerning space exploration, nobody cares what the moon-landing deniers say. They're nutjobs and everyone knows it. To allow them into the debate would be laughable.

We know now that man-made climate change is real. Our PM is smart enough and politically savvy enough to distance himself from the deniers.

The moon-landing conspiracy theorists are harmless enough. The CC deniers want us to ignore science at the peril of our grandchildren. They aren't harmless nutbars.

There really is no debate and we need to marginalize big oil's bought-and-paid-for spokeslobby by ignoring their self-serving junk science. When they rear up, they need to be reminded that they now occupy a place with the Flat Earth Society.

We no longer need to debate those who want to fiddle while the earth burns. We can't waste the time it takes to debate them anymore than we can waste time trying to convince skeptics that the US really sent a man to the moon.

James Robert

Earth Mother Lizzie May's the Gal for Me

Whooee! Well friends, I been spendin' sum time on the right-wing side o' the Canajun boogeysphere over t' Jack's Newswatch. The topic is Mother Earth an' I been havin' a yammerin' gabfest with a couplafew Conservative HarpoonTossers. I been tryin' t' educate 'em on Earth Mother Lizzie May's treehuggin', Birkenstock-wearin', fair trade coffee-drinkin', granola-munchin', dandelion-diggin', birdwatchin', carbon-taxin' Green Party o' Canadee.

I wrote up quite a few comments over there an' I even bumped inta a climate change denier. Them deniers is gettin' rarer'n hens' teeth -- sorta like the moon-landin' deniers an' the flat earthers an' the creationists an' the Dubya backers an' the 9/11 conspiracy theorists.

When serious discussions is goin' on 'bout space exploration, nobuddy listens t' the moon landin' deniers. It's startin' t' get that way with the climate change deniers. Can't happen too soon, sez I.

Anyways, here's a little o' what I sed 'bout the Greenies.

The Greens is fiscally conservative an’ socially liberal. If yer one o’ them who agrees that business an’ industry ain’t intrinsically bad an’ can play a major role in environmental action and at the same time the gummint’s got no bizness legislatin’ live-an’-let-live morality issues, the GPC’s fer you. If you ain’t anti-bizness but you get yer knickers in a twist ’bout gay marriage an’ recreational pot-smokin’, stick with the Cons.

Mebbe nuke power can get phased out. Mebbe not. Here in Ontariariario, Ginty sed he was gonna shut down all the coal generators. He found out he couldn’t. Buildin’ more nuke plants is ’bout the biggest gummint handout we gotta worry ’bout here in Ontario. Lobbyin’ in high places has us makin’ multi-billion dollar “investments” of public money into a poorly performin’ idea. It's subsidization an’ corporate welfare. We don’t need it if we get busy reducin’ an’ buildin’ up renewable energy resources like wind, solar, geothermal, biodiesel, hydroelectric an’ tidal power.

From what sum fellers sez, CANDU fission sounds better’n the other nuke systems. I worry ’bout how much we need t’ spend protectin’ spent nuke fuel from gettin’ in the hands o’ rotten bastard terrists. I figger we’re gonna see the army guardin’ nuke plants an’ that’s not what I want my tax dollars payin’ fer.

Check out the price o’ uranium. It ain’t goin’ down. It’s goin’ up — fast. By the time new nukes get built, it might be too expensive t’ buy. ‘Specially, if more nukes get built all over the world.

The GPC ain’t gonna form a gummint anytime soon. They know it. They don’t go ’round makin’ promises they know they can’t keep jest so’s they can fool people inta votin’ fer ‘em. The other parties all see a chance at winnin’ an’ they lie an’ promise the impossible on things like coal generators, income trusts, hospital wait times, GST, childcare and anything else they think’ll get ‘em enuff votes t’ do whatever they dang well please.

When 8%+ voters reject the big old-timey parties an’ vote Green, the old parties get hurt an’ they wanna win back them voters. They try t’ win them GPC votes by adoptin’ GPC policy. If they really follow through on implementin’ the stolen policies, the Greens’ll be happy — even if Lizzie May ain’t settin’ in the PM’s chair.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby