Creepy Crawly Pitchers

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I took enuff time off from follerin' the war news yesterday so's I could do sum laundry an' sum other housekeepin' chores. When I brought the clothes in offa the line, I seen this here little wee caterpiller walkin' on one o' my t-shirts. I corraled 'im onta a envelope an' before I set the little feller loose, I figgered I'd take his pitcher. I put the dime next to 'im so's everybuddy can see how teensy he is.

I went lookin' on google fer what the fuzzy thing is an' found out he's a Fall Webworm. I found out it's his bunch that's been buildin' tents in the apple tree.


I done me sum readin' up on these here Fall Webworms an' they sez they ain't too horrible bad fer the trees 'ceptin' how they're ugly lookin'.

Back t' the war...

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

Ferget the Rules, There's Killin' t' be Done

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, ol' JimBobby ain't been postin' much onta this little boog lately. I been makin' a lot o' comments over t' StageLeft an' now I'm gonna copy an' paste sum o' them comments here. I'm a lazyass, no two ways, an' copy pastin' is sumpin' works fer me.

It’s gettin’ harder an’ harder t’ deny there’s a real pattern emergin’. The whole ding-dong world’s come out fer a ceasefire. The whole world except fer three countries - the US, Israel an’ Canadee. The whole world sees disproportionate retaliation. The whole world except fer three countries - the US, Israel an’ Canadee. Even Tony the Poodle pissed on his master’s pant leg.

When they bomb ambulances with big ol’ red crosses painted on the roof, they’re targetin’ civilians. When they drop cluster bombs an’ white phosphorus weapons, they’re targetin’ civilians. When the Merkin congress votes 410 to 8 in favour o’ speedin’ up delivery o’ bombs t’ Israel, the Merkin congress not ony gives the Israelis a green light t’ keep on doin’ what they’re doin’, it becomes an active participant in the targetin’ of civilians. When Canadee’s Pryminister sez the Israelis is justified in doin’ what they’re doin’ an’ doesn’t even speak up when Canajuns is killed, Canadee is an active participant in the Israeli campaign.

The Merkins got away with usin’ cluster bombs an’ white phosphorus in Fallujah. Nobuddy’s denyin’ it. They jest sez that it ain’t illegal an’ it was justified.

I been readin’ a few Israeli boogs an’ sum op-eds in Haaretz an’ Ynet. There’s a coupla things startin’ t’ get the attention o’ some Israelis. They’re wondrin’ howcum their military ain’t slowed down the rockets. When they got a bigass army with all sortsa intel guys, howcum they ain’t put a bigger dent in the strikin’ power o’ 3000 haff-assed hezballers? Some Israelis is even askin’ why so many Lebanese is bein’ killed when it ain’t gettin’ the job done.

Over here, we’re gettin’ the message that the Merkins is allowin’ Israel t’ do what it’s doin’. Over there, sum Israelis is sayin’ it’s the Merkins callin’ the shots an’ usin’ the IDF as its proxy force against Syria an’ Iran. The Merkins give Israel $15 mil a day in aid that comes back to the Merkins when Israel buys bombs an’ guns from the Merkins. War’s always been good bizness fer guys like Cheney an’ his Halliburton buddyboys.

Condi made a big deal outta the Merkins givin’ Lebanon $30 mil t’ rebuild the damage done by Merkin weapons. They give Israel that same amount every two days.

There’s plenty o’ UN bashers in Merka an’ Canadee, too, who ain’t losin’ any sleep over them 4 pore bastards who got blowed up. Din’t they see the leaflets? What bizness they got hangin’ out in a war zone, anyways? If they’re still there, they gotta be hezballer sympathizers or worse.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

A Boy Named Steve (Audio - Poem)

Whooee! Well friends, I ain't been boogin' much lately so I ain't sure how many o' my thousands o' readers are gonna hear this here poem I recorded. I made me another mp3 audio boog an' you can listen to it by clickin' right here.

A Boy Named Steve

Pa Harper sent him off to school at three,
Ivory tower life suited the boy to a tee.
The other kids teased him but in the end he got even.
Now, I don't blame him ‘cause he studied hard
And was smartest ass smartass in the whole schoolyard,
When he finally growed up, he became Prime Minister Stephen.

Well, ol’ Stephen had his own private joke
And he got to look down his nose at lots of folk,
When he went to Ottawa and Calgary he was leavin’.
Folks would giggle at his Stetson and laugh at his vest
When he went back out to his home in the west,
But they never called him “Steve”. It was always "Stephen. "

Well, then one day he went down to the States,
Negotiatin’ passports and tariff rates,
And we all heard somethin’ that was hard for us t’ believe.
The Merkin president – name o’ Bush
Went right on t’ shove, never mind push
Ol’ Dubya dubbed Prime Minister Harper “Steve.”

Well, for Stephen, I tell ya, it was the very last straw
That name o’ “Steve” just stuck in his craw,
He searched his massive brain for a way t’ get even.
There’s a limit to what any lapdog can take,
An’ Dubya just made that there limit break,
When he called the Prime Minister “Steve” instead o’ Stephen.

Harpoon knew that snake was a war criminal
But he’d kept it suppressed, sorta subliminal,
He stayed quiet ‘bout Mahmoudiya, Haditha an’ Abu Ghraib.
But calling him “Steve” made Stephen see red,
For a minute he wished Ol’ Georgie was dead
Then Stephen got even by callin’ ol’ Dubya “Babe.”

"Them’s fightin’ words, Steve,” Ol’ Dubya cried out,
He couldn’t believe the nerve of the lout.
"The only one who calls me ‘Babe’ is Laura.”
"Nobody calls me ‘Steve’,” Harper shot back,
Then he reached over and gave Georgie a smack.
"I’m gonna box your ears from here until tomorra.”

I tell ya, I've seen better fights,
Between gals at the bingo on Saturday nights,
Than this dust up ‘tween Harper an’ President Georgie Boy Bush.
Neither boss ever got their hands dirty before,
’Cause they both sent young kids to fight in their wars,
The Bushman came through in the hullabaloo an’ knocked the PM on his tush.

And he said, "Steve, this world is rough,
And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough,
An’ if I wanted to, I could send you off to Gitmo for good.
So I’ll keep callin’ you 'Steve' and you better not squeal,
An’ I’m callin’ the shots now whenever we deal,
Whether that deal is on water or oil or even on soft wood."

Then Bush said, "Now we just had us one hell of a scrap,
But I ain’t gonna blow you Canucks off the map.
Now run along home and remember this when you leave.
You can thank me now and kiss my ass,
But if you wanna come back, cross the border you’ll pass,
And the name you got on your passport better say 'Steve.'"

Well, Harper came home with his tail ‘tween his legs.
The Yanks got the dinner, Canucks got the dregs.
Bush also got a Calgary Stampede belt buckle.
Now whenever the president does up his pants,
He thinks of Upper Canada and also New France,
And an egghead named Steve who cracked at his first taste of American knuckle.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

Dumbass OPP Tryin' fer Another Ipperwash

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I seen sum dumbass moves in my day. Shee-it! I even made a coupla dumbass moves myself. I'm damned if I can think of any dumbass move more dumbass than what the idjit OPP done yesterday. Let's git one thing straight. These here Six Nations fellers an' gals ain't terrists an' they weren't violent or threatenin' violence when the dumbass OPP decided t' declare war an' come stormin' in before sun-up with all sortsa weapons drawn.

The OPP numbnutses took what was a smalltime troublem an' turned inta a bigtime schmozzle, no two ways. I reckon we'll be forced t' go through all o' the selfsame bullshit we been goin' through when the OPP killed little Dudley George back in '95. That crapplola's still hittin' the fan, fer Chrissakes.

Before yesterday, these Native fellers an' gals was havin' themselves a peaceful blockade. I live purty closeby t' Caledonia an' I been keepin' an' eye on this thing since back at the end o' Febuary when the Six Nations folks sed enuff's enuff an' stopped sum bigass house developer from buildin' houses on land that got given t' the Natives way back in 1784.

Here's the dumbest part. The Confederacy was doin' sum passin' o' the peacepipe with sum gummint folks. The land they're fightin' over is a hunnert an' sum acres. The gummint was offerin' t' trade 6500 acres sumwheres else fer the hunnert an' sum at Douglas Creek. Talks was happenin'. Then the the OPP come ridin' in an' now all talks is off.

Not only that, the protesters was all peaceful before they got attacked in the middle o' the night. Now, they're burnin' down things like bridges an' they're tossin' trucks offa overpasses an' who knows what else. I'm pointin' the finger o' blame right at the dumbass OPP. Sumbuddy oughta get their dumbass fired. Police is supposed t' keep the peace. They ain't supposed t' turn non-violence inta viloence. That's the OPPosite o' what the OPP shoulda done an' whoever ordered that raid should be poundin' the pavement lookin' fer a job as a WalMarket security guard.

Back in '95 when ol' Dudley George got shot dead by the OPP, everybuddy was all confused over who was givin' the orders an' jest lately we hadta go through a bigass inquiry where everybuddy sed they wasn't responsible. I say let's start the Douglas Creek inquiry right now. Today. Ipperwash gave 'em the blueprint. It's fresh in everybuddy's mind right now. The OPP's gotta answer fer turnin' non-violence inta violence. The OPP's gotta answer fer causin' negotiations t' break down.

Nobuddy's got killed in Caledonia, yet. That's jest good luck more'n good management, sez I. Drag the OPP boss inta court. Today. Make'm tell where the orders come from. Today. If they don't get called on the carpet today, sure-as-shit sumbuddy's gonna get killed an' we'll be moanin' 'bout it fer years t' come an' the crookedass lawyers'll come out on top an' the sorryass Natives'll be scratchin' their heads wond'rin' what happened t' their land.

How 'bout Ipperwash? Did the Stony Pointers get their land back? Canajuns oughta all be hangin' our sorryass heads in shame fer the way we walked all over the First Nations who was here first. We got us a national disgrace an' we jest won't admit it. Back in the 60's when anti-Vietnam war protesters was bein' brutalized by the cops an' the TV cameras was turned on, the protesters chanted t' remind everybuddy that "the whole world is watching."

The whole world's watchin' Caledonia. The whole world's gettin' another eyeful o' how Canadee treats its First Nations aboriginal folks. If yer a Ontariariario taxpayer like ol' JimBobby, yer tax money's gettin' spent wagin' war on peaceful Natives. Yer tax money's bein' spent on a fat salary fer sum OPP boss who don't know his ass from a hole in the ground. Yer gummint's been robbin' land from the Natives fer a few hunnert years an' if yer a believer in democracy, then yer responsible fer what yer gummint does. The people - that's you an' me - are boss over the OPP an' not the other way 'round. We gotta hold these warmakers responsible an' we gotta fire their stoopid asses before sumbuddy gets shot.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

Steve From The West - (Song, MP3 audio-boog)

Whooee! Well friends, it's been ages since I done any boogin'. I ain't got any good excuse 'cept fer plain ol' laziness. I'm hopin' t' make up fer my lack o' boog stories lately with a little song I recorded all 'bout our bran' new Pryminister Stevie Harpoon. You can download the MP3 audio boog if you jest click here.

Steve From The West

Didya ever hear tell of ol' Steve from the west,
Who thought the Conservative Party was best?
He won the election with jest enuff seats,
An' the crooked ol' Lib'ruls went down to defeat.

Singin' toorili-oorali-oorali-eh.

Ol' Steve sed he never would do stuff like them,
Now that he's got the initials, "P.M."
Make the gummint accountable, that's what he'll do,
But I'm won'drin' who it's accountable to.

Singin' toorili-oorali-oorali-eh.

The voters don't matter in Emerson's case,
He ran fer the Lib'ruls an' he won his race.
To the shock o' the voters, t' the Tories he switched.
Now, the winners is losers, thanks t' that sunnobitch.

Singin' toorili-oorali-oorali-eh.

Ol' Steve was a-stumpin' on Senate reform,
An unelected upper house jest ain't the norm.
As soon as he's bossman, t' the voters' dismay,
Harpoon made a Senator outta Michael Fortier.

Singin' toorili-oorali-oorali-eh.

Now Steve's in the engine and not the caboose,
But wouldn'tcha know, he's got an excuse,
If he don't get it done, then it's easy t' see,
The blame's on the voters fer the minority.

Singin' toorili-oorali-oorali-eh.

Ol' Stevie went over t' the Merkin side,
Where he an' the Bushman went on a horse ride.
Stevie got tips on supportin' the troops,
An' Georgie got someone t' buy his horse poop.

Singin' toorili-oorali-oorali-eh.

I hear we got troublems with another mad cow,
Steve's friendship with George'll be tested now.
Can Steve sell our cattle an' spruce two-by-fours,
Or do we keep on knock-knockin' on Georgie-boy's door?

Singin' toorili-oorali-oorali-eh.

We also got troublems with crime an' with guns,
Steve sez he'll get tuff an' the bad guys should run.
The shoot-em-up bad boys face incarceration,
An' to show 'em he means it, he scraps gun registration.

Well fellers an' gals, that's the end o' my song.
I hope you enjoyed it. It didn't last long.
In this here democracy, we deserve what we git,
Horsepuckey, polyticks an' plain ol' bullshit.

Singin' toorili-oorali-oorali-eh.

Once again, fellers an' gals, click right here t' getcherself an earful o' JimBobby.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

To the Barricades!

Whooee! Well friends, we got us a bigass troublem in the democratic deficit department. Shee-it! It ain't jest a deficit. It's bankruptcy. We got us a new gummint that ain't got ant respect fer votin' Canajuns. We got us a pryminister who's thumbin' his big beak at each an' every one of us. We got us a new minster who was "obviously very disillusioned" with the Liberals, accordin' t' PeteyBoy Mackay. Horsepuckey, sez I. Emerson sez he woulda stayed a Grit if the Grit woulda won. That sure as hell don't sound like he was all disillusioned.

An' we got Stevie Wonderboy appointin' polytickle backroom boy Mikefeller Fortier t' the Senate. I thought Harpoon sed Fortier was gonna run in sum by-election soon but Fortier sez he ain't got any intention o' goin' through the hassle o' runnin' fer a seat. Hell! Why should he? Our dictator-in-chief sez this whole votin' thing don't really mean nuthin'.

Over in Ukraine a couple years back, they had a bad case o' election fraud. The voters voted one way but the gummint sed they wasn't gonna get their way. That started up a little thing called the Orange Revolution. I reckon Canajuns might needta have a Orange Revolution of our own if the HarpoonTossers don't smarten up.

Emerson's gotta resign. He's outta touch with reality. He can try his luck in a by-election. I'm not bettin' on him.

Fortier's gotta run in a by-election. I wouldn't bet on him, neither.

Pallister's gotta come clean on his expenses an' whether he's been usin' the wrong money fer fundin' his provincial leadership campaign.

O'Conner's gotta smooth sum feathers in the lobbyist-as-minister department.

Harpoon's gotta tell Canajuns he's sorry as hell he din't pay any attention t' what they voted fer an' he's gonna start doin' all the clean an' different changifyin' he sed he was gonna do.

If Harpoon won't set up an' notice when there's thousands o' Canajun signatures on multiple petitions then the onliest thing left is fer democracy-lovin' Canucks t' take t' the streets. Let's give 'em till Spring springs in Ottywa.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

Jesus Cartoons

Whooee! Well friends, there's a shitstorm ragin' an' it's all 'bout sum dumbass cartoons. I heard lotsa fellers say that they seen all sortsa Jesus cartoons an' it din't bother 'em any an' there weren't any embassies burnt down on accounta Jesus cartoons. I reckon that's on accounta Jesus was a turn-the-other-cheek sorta feller an' these other guys is more death-to-the-infidels types.

I ain't got too much t' say 'bout the Danish cartoons or the shitstorm they started. It might be better if the Danish fellers stick t' makin' them there pastries. I reckon the ovens'll be hot enuff in them embassies.

So, I found me a few Jesus cartoons an' I figger I'll share 'em here an' see if anybuddy's embassy gets burned down.













Well, I only got a haff-dozen an' the Danish pastry boys had a whole 12 so mebbe the reaction t' these won't be so big.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

Same Old, Same Old...

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I reckon ol' Stevie Harpoon done dropped his spear an' stabbed hisself in the foot on his very firstest day as Pryminister o' Canadee. Shee-it!

I thought I heard the HarpoonTosser say accountability was gonna be top priority when the he moved inta the driver's seat. Turns out he was only foolin'. Where's the accountability fer Michael Fortier? Nobuddy elected Fortier as dog-catcher or anything else but Harpoon went an' appointed the CPC campaign backroom boy t' the Retirement Home fer Friends o' Pryministers, the Senate o' Canadee. Harpoon was all against appointin' Senators an' greasy backroom wheelie-deals when he was on the outside throwin' stones at Fartin' Martin. Now, he's makin' unelected CPC bigwigs cabinet ministers an' he's doin' it by appointin' 'em t' the ding-dong senate.

Canadee's electoral system ain't perfect, by a long stretch, but one thing we oughta have goin' fer us is knowin' we gotta sum say at the ballot box. Fortier jest got hisself inta a powerful cabinet post without campaignin' an' without a single Canajun castin' a vote fer his sorryass. I sez it makes ol' JimBobby's blood boil when I see Harpoon actin' all dictator-like. Yeow!

An' what about this here David Emerson bullshit? Crimony sakes, the numbnuts was elected by dumbass Liberal voters t' represent 'em. Now, he's turned inta sumpin' he was all against an' the pore Vancouver voters is s'posed t' set there an' take it on the chin. I'm wonderin' sumpin' I heard sum other fellers wonderin' 'bout. When, exactly, did Harpoon an' Emerson start talkin' turkey? Was the treachery happenin' before the election? Was there a firm offer t' Emerson of a cabinet post if he danced across the floor? Did he act on principles or is he an opportunistic whore? Did anybuddy make a secret recordin' o' the negotiations? If he ain't gonna represent them that voted fer 'im, who is he accountable to?

Last time I posted up a boog story, I sed I was gonna wait fer sum dust t' settle before makin' any judgments on the HarpoonTossers. Well, sum dust has cleared an' the new guys is lookin' a lot like the old guys - jest not as experienced. Give 'em time. Reminds me o' ol' Georgie Orwell's Animal Farm story where they end up not bein' able t' tell the difference 'tween pigs an' people.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

Waitin' fer the Dust t' Settle

Whooee! Well friends, it's been a whole week since Stevie Harpoon and his gang o' HarpoonTossers got elected t' lead our home an' native land. I sed before that I ain't afraid o' the HarpoonTossers. They only got a minority an' all o' the opposin' parties is more socially pergressive than the Cons.

Sure, they'll huff an' puff an' mebbe even have a free vote on selfsame sexy marryin' but they can't win an' all they'll do by tryin' is show everybuddy that they don't mind wastin' valuable legislative time dredgin' up stuff that's already been decided. Shee-it! It shouldn't never o' taken so long last year. Why the Jeezuz would anybuddy wanna go through that again?

I gotta kick outta Stevie when he went after that numbnuts Davy Wilkins the Merkin Ambassador. Stevie's got hisself a fine line t' walk. He campaigned on bein' buddy-buddy with the Merkins an' he's already been yammerin' on the phone with BushFeller an' they sez they're gonna get along better'n BushBoy did with Polly Wolly Fartin' Martin. Mebbe tellin' the Merkins t' steer clear o' Canadee's sovereign arctic waters ain't gonna go over too shit hot down in Washington. Guess we'll see.

I'm hopin' the HarpoonTosser can deliver on that there softwood 2x4 dealie. Bush might at least lissen t' sumbuddy who's wearin' a conservative name tag. Jest by bein' a Liberal, Martin din't stand a chance o' gettin' anywhere in BushLand.

I reckon Stevie'll be put t' the test on this here mad cow thingy, too.

I'm glad t' see the crooked Liberals get slapped down a little an' sent off t' cool their heels in the polytickle wilderness. The big question folks is askin' is who's gonna take over from the ditherin' idjit. Now that ol' Frankie McKenna sez he's out, it's anybuddy's guess. Sum pundidiots sez B-Linda's gotta chance. Bullshit, sez I. Mebbe in 5 or 10 years. Mebbe. The Newfie Brian Tobin might get in.

Ol' Justus Gomery's comin' out with his report tomorrow from what I hear tell. Here's what I'm wonderin'. If Harpoon an' Laydown an' the CheeseHat woulda waited until the day after tomorrow t' bring down the house, what would the seat count look like? I reckon they had a premature evacuation o' the house last November. I betcha if they'd o' waited the Tosser's team coulda pulled off a majority. I ain't sayin' that's what I'd o' wanted but only that the opposition went off too soon.

Anyways, I reckon we gotta give the HarpoonTossers a chance. What choice do we got? If they do good, mebbe they'll get a majority next time. If they don't get the 2x4's an' mad cows straightened out an' the Canajun economy goes down the pooper, they'll get their sorryasses turfed out.

All my kiddies is over 6 an' Ma an' I are feelin' left out in the beer an' popcorn allowance money department. I reckon $200 a month ain't too bad. Fer that kinda dough, I could buy me a used minnyvan. A minnyvan'll hold 'bout 8 kiddies. Strap 'em in, lock it up an' yer daycare worries is over. If yer livin' anywheres 'cept Ontariariario, you can tie a pitbull up t' the minnyvan fer security.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

Election Day an' I'm Votin' Green

Whooee! Well friends, I been fallin' down on the bloggin' job an' I ain't got much excuse. Alls I'm doin' now is tellin' everybuddy where ol' JimBobby intends t' mark an X when I go over t' the Lions Club tonight an' cast my ballot.

I'm votin' fer the gal who's runnin' fer the Greens. She ain't gotta snowball's chance in hell o' winnin'. That's the selfsame story with most o' the Greenies though I did hear tell that there's a coupla ridin's where they got haff a chance. The GreenFeller who's runnin' up in Ottywa where ol' EdFeller Broadbent jest retired figgers he might get hisself elected. There's anuther Greenie out in BC who they sez has a chance, too. I ain't holdin' my breath. This here firstest-past-the-post setup we got is all good fer regional outfits like the separatist BlocHeads an' the HarpoonTossers but it don't work too shit hot fer parties like the Greens.

There's a good feller runnin' fer the Greens out in Alberty who calls hisself the Herbinator. Ol' Herbie posted up sum good reasons fer votin' Green an' I'm copyin' 'em here:

Top 10 Reasons to Vote Green on Monday

1. I want to feel good about my vote. I want to vote for someone, not against someone.
2. The Green Party has the best platform. The Green Party platform has earned positive reviews in the media, has done well under analysis by non-partisan organizations.
3. My great grandchildren will be proud of me. I want them to have a sustainable future, a green economy, and better democracy.
4. I want my vote to have an impact on the legislative agenda of the next parliament. MPs will spend the next session trying to look good for the next election, so they will be looking at who they lost votes to. Vote Green and Green priorities will set the agenda.
5. People are saying good things about the Green Party.
6. I am nobody's fool. I refuse to let Martin, Harper, Layton or Duceppe think he can scare me into "strategically" voting for him just for not being the worst among them.
7. Green Parties around the world get elected, govern countries, and make the world a better place.
8. Whoever I vote for will get $ 1.75 in public funding, per vote, per year. I feel good about the Green Party putting it to good use defending my values.
9. I am socially progressive, fiscally responsible, and committed to environmental sustainability - just like the Green Party.
10. One hundred and thirty nine years of Liberal and Conservative governments. Albert Einstein said it best: "The significant problems of our time are not going to be solved by the same level of thinking that got us into them."
    

Alls I can say is I ain't gonna be too worried if the HarpoonTossers get in with a minority. If they was t' get a majority, I s'pose I'd fret sum. Shee-it! with a majority, we'd be stuck with 'em fer 5 years, mebbe.

It's sure as hell lookin' like the sun'll come up tomorrow on a Pryminister Stevie Harpoon. The main part t' keep in mind is that the sun'll still come up. It ain't gonna be the end o' the world. Leastwise, I'm purty sure it ain't.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby