Saturday, July 29, 2006

Creepy Crawly Pitchers

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I took enuff time off from follerin' the war news yesterday so's I could do sum laundry an' sum other housekeepin' chores. When I brought the clothes in offa the line, I seen this here little wee caterpiller walkin' on one o' my t-shirts. I corraled 'im onta a envelope an' before I set the little feller loose, I figgered I'd take his pitcher. I put the dime next to 'im so's everybuddy can see how teensy he is.

I went lookin' on google fer what the fuzzy thing is an' found out he's a Fall Webworm. I found out it's his bunch that's been buildin' tents in the apple tree.

I done me sum readin' up on these here Fall Webworms an' they sez they ain't too horrible bad fer the trees 'ceptin' how they're ugly lookin'.

Back t' the war...

Yores trooly,

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Ferget the Rules, There's Killin' t' be Done

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, ol' JimBobby ain't been postin' much onta this little boog lately. I been makin' a lot o' comments over t' StageLeft an' now I'm gonna copy an' paste sum o' them comments here. I'm a lazyass, no two ways, an' copy pastin' is sumpin' works fer me.

It’s gettin’ harder an’ harder t’ deny there’s a real pattern emergin’. The whole ding-dong world’s come out fer a ceasefire. The whole world except fer three countries - the US, Israel an’ Canadee. The whole world sees disproportionate retaliation. The whole world except fer three countries - the US, Israel an’ Canadee. Even Tony the Poodle pissed on his master’s pant leg.

When they bomb ambulances with big ol’ red crosses painted on the roof, they’re targetin’ civilians. When they drop cluster bombs an’ white phosphorus weapons, they’re targetin’ civilians. When the Merkin congress votes 410 to 8 in favour o’ speedin’ up delivery o’ bombs t’ Israel, the Merkin congress not ony gives the Israelis a green light t’ keep on doin’ what they’re doin’, it becomes an active participant in the targetin’ of civilians. When Canadee’s Pryminister sez the Israelis is justified in doin’ what they’re doin’ an’ doesn’t even speak up when Canajuns is killed, Canadee is an active participant in the Israeli campaign.

The Merkins got away with usin’ cluster bombs an’ white phosphorus in Fallujah. Nobuddy’s denyin’ it. They jest sez that it ain’t illegal an’ it was justified.

I been readin’ a few Israeli boogs an’ sum op-eds in Haaretz an’ Ynet. There’s a coupla things startin’ t’ get the attention o’ some Israelis. They’re wondrin’ howcum their military ain’t slowed down the rockets. When they got a bigass army with all sortsa intel guys, howcum they ain’t put a bigger dent in the strikin’ power o’ 3000 haff-assed hezballers? Some Israelis is even askin’ why so many Lebanese is bein’ killed when it ain’t gettin’ the job done.

Over here, we’re gettin’ the message that the Merkins is allowin’ Israel t’ do what it’s doin’. Over there, sum Israelis is sayin’ it’s the Merkins callin’ the shots an’ usin’ the IDF as its proxy force against Syria an’ Iran. The Merkins give Israel $15 mil a day in aid that comes back to the Merkins when Israel buys bombs an’ guns from the Merkins. War’s always been good bizness fer guys like Cheney an’ his Halliburton buddyboys.

Condi made a big deal outta the Merkins givin’ Lebanon $30 mil t’ rebuild the damage done by Merkin weapons. They give Israel that same amount every two days.

There’s plenty o’ UN bashers in Merka an’ Canadee, too, who ain’t losin’ any sleep over them 4 pore bastards who got blowed up. Din’t they see the leaflets? What bizness they got hangin’ out in a war zone, anyways? If they’re still there, they gotta be hezballer sympathizers or worse.

Yores trooly,

Monday, July 10, 2006

A Boy Named Steve (Audio - Poem)

Whooee! Well friends, I ain't been boogin' much lately so I ain't sure how many o' my thousands o' readers are gonna hear this here poem I recorded. I made me another mp3 audio boog an' you can listen to it by clickin' right here.

A Boy Named Steve

Pa Harper sent him off to school at three,
Ivory tower life suited the boy to a tee.
The other kids teased him but in the end he got even.
Now, I don't blame him ‘cause he studied hard
And was smartest ass smartass in the whole schoolyard,
When he finally growed up, he became Prime Minister Stephen.

Well, ol’ Stephen had his own private joke
And he got to look down his nose at lots of folk,
When he went to Ottawa and Calgary he was leavin’.
Folks would giggle at his Stetson and laugh at his vest
When he went back out to his home in the west,
But they never called him “Steve”. It was always "Stephen. "

Well, then one day he went down to the States,
Negotiatin’ passports and tariff rates,
And we all heard somethin’ that was hard for us t’ believe.
The Merkin president – name o’ Bush
Went right on t’ shove, never mind push
Ol’ Dubya dubbed Prime Minister Harper “Steve.”

Well, for Stephen, I tell ya, it was the very last straw
That name o’ “Steve” just stuck in his craw,
He searched his massive brain for a way t’ get even.
There’s a limit to what any lapdog can take,
An’ Dubya just made that there limit break,
When he called the Prime Minister “Steve” instead o’ Stephen.

Harpoon knew that snake was a war criminal
But he’d kept it suppressed, sorta subliminal,
He stayed quiet ‘bout Mahmoudiya, Haditha an’ Abu Ghraib.
But calling him “Steve” made Stephen see red,
For a minute he wished Ol’ Georgie was dead
Then Stephen got even by callin’ ol’ Dubya “Babe.”

"Them’s fightin’ words, Steve,” Ol’ Dubya cried out,
He couldn’t believe the nerve of the lout.
"The only one who calls me ‘Babe’ is Laura.”
"Nobody calls me ‘Steve’,” Harper shot back,
Then he reached over and gave Georgie a smack.
"I’m gonna box your ears from here until tomorra.”

I tell ya, I've seen better fights,
Between gals at the bingo on Saturday nights,
Than this dust up ‘tween Harper an’ President Georgie Boy Bush.
Neither boss ever got their hands dirty before,
’Cause they both sent young kids to fight in their wars,
The Bushman came through in the hullabaloo an’ knocked the PM on his tush.

And he said, "Steve, this world is rough,
And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough,
An’ if I wanted to, I could send you off to Gitmo for good.
So I’ll keep callin’ you 'Steve' and you better not squeal,
An’ I’m callin’ the shots now whenever we deal,
Whether that deal is on water or oil or even on soft wood."

Then Bush said, "Now we just had us one hell of a scrap,
But I ain’t gonna blow you Canucks off the map.
Now run along home and remember this when you leave.
You can thank me now and kiss my ass,
But if you wanna come back, cross the border you’ll pass,
And the name you got on your passport better say 'Steve.'"

Well, Harper came home with his tail ‘tween his legs.
The Yanks got the dinner, Canucks got the dregs.
Bush also got a Calgary Stampede belt buckle.
Now whenever the president does up his pants,
He thinks of Upper Canada and also New France,
And an egghead named Steve who cracked at his first taste of American knuckle.

Yores trooly,