Archeological Proof of Spear-Chuckers Down East

Whooee! Well, friends and foes, sum o' the polytickle correct Canajun boogers is gonna hafta take back all o' the bad-mouthin' they been heapin' on pore little StockBoy Day. StockFeller posted up a boog story where he talked 'bout spear-chuckers from down east an' sum pergressive boogers took'm t' task fer bein' a racist ignoramus. Looks like mebbe Stockwell's gonna get hisself vindicated by archeology.

A New Brunswick archeologist is planning a dig next spring on the province's east coast after a woman found out the spearhead she had been wearing as a necklace is 10,000 years old.

Joan Rennick found the spearhead seven years ago at — appropriately — Cape Spear, which is about 50 kilometres east of Moncton.

Where there's spearheads, there's spear-chuckers. The ancient down-easters was probbly usin' them spears when they was out huntin' dinosaurs. This here's a triumph o' StockBoy's superior grasp o' natural history an' it oughta shut them PCPBs up.

Now, I been callin' the ConMen "HarpoonTossers" fer years an' none o' my pergressive boogin' buddies's dressed me down fer bein' a racist. Good thing, too, on accounta that's a purty good way t' getcherself offered up a coupla JimBobby-flavoured knuckle samwitches.

Anyways, the spearchucker thing oughta blow over quick now that there's sum better dirt t' throw at Canadee's Noo Gummint. Yeow! After all o' the talk 'bout accountability an' transparency, the HarpoonTossers is finally admittin' they done wrong t' the tune o' hunnerts o' thousands o' dollars.

OTTAWA (CP) - After months of heated denials, the federal Conservative party has quietly admitted it failed to publicly disclose hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of donations.

Deny, deny, deny. Wait til you figger nobuddy's lookin'. Confess.

D'ya reckon King Steve knew this shitstorm was on the horizon when he started not wantin' an election vote anytime soon?

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

We Got Him!

Whooee! Ol' Spot an' I teamed up an' captured the varmint that's been makin' life miserable fer the last couplafew days. Yesterday, the elusive squirrel escaped. He went inta the basement an' I thought he was inside a cupboard but I reckon he weren't an' he got hisself hid somewheres in the crawlspace.

I heard him gnawin' an' scrabblin' this mornin' an' I set the live trap where I thought he might smell it. Then, ol' Spot an' I went over t' the ballpark an' I tossed the frisbee 50 or 60 times. Spot had a dump. I bagged it. We come home.

When I unleashed SpotFeller, he made a mad dash. I found him in the bathroom with the bushy-tailed rat cornered in the tub. I locked 'em both in while I figgered a plan.

I went in quick-like an' closed the door behind me. I leashed up ol' Spot. All he wants t' do is play with the vermin. I got Spot out with the squirrel still in an' the door closed. The bathroom's purty tiny, too.

I managed t' get the live-trap set in there an' then I went out an' shovelled sum damn snow fer a haff-hour 45 minutes.

I come back in hopin' the rat bastard would be caught in the trap an' ready fer transportation t' Van Diemen's Land. He weren't. He was still in the tub.

I got a blanket from offa the sofa an' I went in an' caught the sumbitch. I had 'im a couplafew times in the blanket an' he squirmed out. Finally, I had 'im all rolled up in a ball inside the blanket. Spot an' I took 'im out back.

I let the sumbitch loose an' I hope t' Jeezuz he don't come back inside. He had hisself a dang good scare, I reckon. 'Specially, when SpottyBoy was givin' 'im whatfor in the slippery ol' bathtub. Yeow!

I jest called Ma at work an' told 'er what great protectors o' the homestead ol' Spot an' me are. I ain't sure she was all that impressed.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

Varmints!

Whooee! Jayzuz Flickerin' Christmastree! We ain't had any varmints invadin' the homestead fer a spell but dang it there's sumpin' under the dinin' room.

Ma'd already gone beddy-bye last night when I heard sum scratchin' an' clawin'. Turned out, she heard it, too. Well, I gotta figger out what t' do again. I got me what's called a partial basement in my 125 year-old shack. Most of it's a decent ol' basement but parts is only boarded-up crawlspaces an' anything wants in, they jest gotta get past some thin plywood. One time, we had a damn squirrel walk upstairs an' inta the dinin' room. Sum fun fer the dog. Yeow!

I'm tryin' t' screw up my nerve an' come up with a plan. I got me a live trap big enuff fer a coon. I could set a regular rat trap. I got one o' them, too. I could try the ultra-sonic annoyer-repeller again. I think I still got one that I tried that didn't work worth a shit. I ain't got a gun but I reckon one o' the naybers probbly does. I ain't keen on shootin' off guns inside the house.

Whatever I do means clearin' a path past god-knows-what-all behind the furnace t' get t' the crawlspace openin'.

Wish me luck, friends. I'm up against sum badass rodents or mebbe even a bigass racoon.

Yores trooly,
JimBobby

"True Allegiance to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second, Queen of Canada"

(Whooee!) JimBobby's happy as Larry that Iggy didn't win. Now, there's a little tempest in Ezra Levant's teapot over Stephane Dion's dual citizenship. JimBobby's alter ego, James Robert, has some views on dual citizenship.

Somewhere, in the whole dual citizenship controversy, we should be looking at the citizenship oath. Dion, presumably, never swore an oath of allegiance to France. Like most native born Canadians, however, he could quite likely have reached the age of 52 without ever swearing an oath of allegiance to Canada.

American school children are required to pledge their allegiance to the US every morning while they stand facing the stars and stripes with their hands over their hearts. Yet, Ezra seems to have no problem with Alberta separatist and dual US-Canadian citizen Ted Morton. If Morton was educated in the US public school system he will have pledged his allegiance to the US approximately 1500 times. When he became a Canadian, he would have pledged his allegiance to Canada just once.

Once, though, is one more time than most Canadians who can go their entire lives without ever swearing an oath to their birth country.

Most Canadians probably do not even know the oath that “new Canadians” must swear to be granted Canadian citizenship. Here it is:

OATH OF CITIZENSHIP

I swear (or affirm) that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second, Queen of Canada, Her Heirs and Successors, and that I will faithfully observe the laws of Canada and fulfil my duties as a Canadian citizen.

Foreign-born Canadian citizens have all taken that oath. This includes a number of elected MP’s.

The optics are poor. Dion should renounce his French citizenship — even if he never asked for it. It may be a non-issue in Quebec but I think TROC could be understandably queasy about a PM with dual citizenship - regardless of the second country or the circumstances.

BTW, does anyone see anything weird about our oath? Canadians are not pledging their allegiance to Canada but to the Queen of Canada. I posit that most Canadians think of Elizabeth II as the Queen of England and few (other than those taking the oath) even realize that we have a Queen of Canada. I know for a fact that some landed immigrants do not ever become Canadian citizens because of the fact that they do not recognize the superiority of royal birth and feel it has no place in a modern democracy.

James Robert

(Most of this post was originally written as a comment at StageLeft. James Robert is as lazy as JimBobby.)