Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Anti-Merkinism, Anti-Canajunism an' Pundidiocy

Whooee! I was jest over t' Adam Daifeller's boog where he's got hisself a letter posted up that he wrote t' that bowtie-wearin' jackass Tucker Carlson. Seems this here numbnuts Carlstunned's been shootin' off his yap 'bout Canadee. What he sez ain't too purty. This dumb mothertucker's the selfsame idjit who sed sumpin' awhile back 'bout Canajuns doin' nuthin' but ridin' 'round in dogsleds.

These here Merkin polytickal commentator pundidiots is doin' a dandyass job o' showin' everybuddy jest how ignorant they are when it comes t' knowin' diddlydumplin' 'bout their bigass next door neighbour an' largest tradin' partner an' biggest source o' foreign oil. Alls the ignoramuses is doin' by trash-talkin' Canadee is playin' right inta the hands o' the Gritty More-Canajun-Than-Thou Polly Wolly Fartin' Martin. Ol' Polly's jest gotta wrap hisself up in the Canajun flag an' count up the votes. It's hard t' imagine Merkins doin' sumpin' that'd have the exact opposite result as they was expectin'. ;)

Most Canajuns that I know - an' I don't know anywhere near most o' the 30-odd million of us - say they like Merkin people but they can't stomach ol' Dubya Bushfeller. Y'know, it was the Merkin people who re-elected Bushboy after seeing what sorta feller he is. 'Ccording t' the rack-n-pinion polls lately, most Merkins ain't happy with the Bushman. Mebbe they voted fer'm in 2004 but they ain't all backin'm now.

Most Merkins I know - an' I know a few but nowheres near 240 million of 'em - don't know nuthin' 'bout Canadee. They couldn't tell you who the Pryminister is or what the names of our politickal parties are or anythin' 'bout our dumbass Westminster parliment. I met a feller in Washington, DC a few years back who put up a good argument that Canadee was part o' the USA. He weren't particular stoopid. He jest figgered Canadee was one o' them states he'd heard 'bout but had no intention o' visitin' like North Dakota or Idaho.

This here MotherTucker Carlstunned ain't stoopid, neither.

He's jest ignorant.

Yores trooly,

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Air Pollution an' Laffin' Dogs

Whooee! Well, Ol' Spot an' I been traipsin' the field again. What was planted in soybeans last year got planted in corn this year. I sed before cornfields ain't the bestest place fer walkin' the dog on accounta the corn leaves is mighty sharp an' when ol' Spot lights out after a bunny or a dang squirrel, he gets all sliced up. They finally took off the corn an' the stinky swamp's 'bout froze up so the field's lookin' like a good place fer walkin' ol' Spot again.

Nanticoke Stacks

This here pitcher is from the cornfield. I was doin' sum zoomin' with the little camera an' I oughta tell you that the tree was 'bout mebbe a half mile away. The smokestacks is 'bout 12 - 15 miles off, as the crow flies. Them there stacks thatcha see belchin' smoke an' steam is at the Nanticoke Generatin' Station on Lake Erie. From what I hear tell, this here Nanticoke station is the worst o' the worst when it comes t' pollution. They only built it 'bout 35 years ago but the dumbasses built it so's it burns dirty ol' coal fer makin' the hydro.

'Round here there's been sum talk 'bout convertin' the whole ding-dong plant inta a new nuclear powered deal. Shee-it! How much is that gonna cost? I'd rather they covered the whole couple thousand acres that there coal burner's settin' on with windmills. I ain't too keen on havin' a nuke station in my backyard an' I reckon the windmills'd be pumpin' juice back inta the grid a whole heap quicker'n goin' through all o' the rigamarole t' get a nuke station up an' runnin'. I hear ol' Ginty's got his heart set on more nukes, though, an' he gets what he wants mostly so the hell with us peons who gotta walk our dogs in plain sight o' Nanticoke.

Sum folks like t' see pitchers o' dogs an' cats an' other cuddly critters so I'm postin' up this here pitcher o' Ol' Spot. He turned 2 years old on November the 22nd. He's a headstrong little feller but since he turned 2, he's been payin' better attention t' what Ma an' I tell'm. I seen a thing onta the CTV last weekend where they figgered out that dogs can laugh. Hell, I coulda told 'em that. Ol' Spot does a lot o' laffin' when he's chasin' the kitty 'round the house or when he's playin' ball. In this here pitcher, he's carryin' a stick. I do a lot o' stick-throwin' an' he does a lot o' stick-fetchin'.

Spot Carryin' a Stick

Okay, that's all fer now.

Yores trooly,

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Martin's Gun Dealie

Whooee! Well, it looks like Pryminister PollyWolly Fartin' Martin finally come up with an idee before the Harpoontossers did. Up til now, it seemed like ol' PollyBoy was layin' low and only reactin' t' whatever Stevie Harper come up with. Harper sed he's gonna reduce the GST; Martin comes back with an income tax break. Harper wants t' give away money fer mums an' dads t' pay fer daycare; Martin sez he'll subsidize the daycares.

With this here ban the handgun bizness, Martin at least come up with sumpin' before the other guys did. Onliest problem is that handguns is almost banned already an' jest sayin' they're banned don't mean the badasses won't still have 'em an' can't still get 'em. Shee-it! How many o' them guns that kilt 50 or so fellers this year in Trawna (centre o' the universe) was registered? None, I betcha.

The troublem with goin' t' all the bother t' write up sum tuff new law against handguns is that the ones its aimed at don't give two shits 'bout the law. T' me this whole Martin idee seems like sumpin' aimed at makin' it look like the Grits is tuff on crime when the fact is the new law won't do any more t' stop gun crime than that billion-dollar registry's done t' stop long gun crime.

I reckon we oughta be throwin' the book at anybuddy caught with an illegal handgun. Send 'em t' jail jest fer havin' it. If they commit a crime an' they're usin' a handgun, lock 'em up fer a good long time, sez I. I reckon we can do all o' that jest by enforcin' the laws we already got.

All the time an' energy wasted passin' new laws could be better spent lookin' inta why the polar bears is havin' a ruff go of it without the ice that's supposed t' be all over the arctic by now. We got real troublems with guns, no two ways, but we also got troublems with the global warmin' oven an' other enviro stuff. We got plenty o' troublems with the first nations water an' with poverty an' with Merkin trade bullyin' an' a jillion other things the gummint can actually do sumpin' 'bout.

The way I hear tell, most o' the guns comin' inta Canadee is comin' from the Merkins. I guess Polly Wolly brought up the subject with the little gap-toothed Condi when she paid a visit t' Ottywa. The way it sounded, Condi din't figger there's much the Merkins can do t' stop guns from comin' inta Canadee. I reckon she's right. If we wanna stop sumpin' from comin' in, its up t' our own border fellers an' gals t' do it.

Yores trooly,

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Harpoontossers was on target this week

Whooee! Well, I reckon ol' Stevie Harpoon's bunch was first outta the gate this week and they scored points in the game of polyticks an' electioneerin'. Whoever's doin' all o' the strategic plannin' fer Harper is doin' a heckuva job. An' I don't mean that in a GWB/Mike Brown sorta way.

Looks like you gotta get up pretty early in the mornin' t' get out in front o' the main street media (MSM) fellers an' gals. Harpoon's been tossin' his spear in the AM an' the bigass policy stuff he's spoutin' at breakfast time's gettin' on the noon o'clock news an' six o'clock news, no two ways. I don't go along with much o' Harper's polyticks but I gotta hand it to him fer gettin' the media spotlight shinin' on his pasty face. He's lookin' a lot less starchy this time around, too.

Over onta the Liberals' website, I was readin' 'bout how much they charge the MSM fellers an' gals t' tag along with ol' Pryminister PollyWolly Fartin' Martin. Shee-it! It costs $8,500 a week t' get a seat on the PM's campaign bus or airplane or dog sled. That includes the ride, meals an' a bunk, I reckon. Yeow! I don't reckon there's too many Canajun boogeyshere fellers an' gals who could afford t' take a seat on that greyhound.

Mebbe the Conservatives' hotshot strategists are chargin' less dough than that fer taggin' along with StevieBoy. I see they got ol' Davey Achybrakey Akin ridin' with Harper. Everytime I turn on that CTV NewsNet I see ol' DaveFeller yammerin' on 'bout what Harpoon sed an' all. I ain't seen Davey take any shots at SteveFeller, yet. Like I sed, I reckon young Steve's got a smart campaign goin' on, so far. He ain't give the MSM much t' aim at in the past few days exceptin' that dumbass SSM deal an' even that is startin' t' look like it might not o' been so dumb. I see sum fellers sez ol' Harpoon did that so's he'd get the topic over an done with. Mebbe.

Funny one when ol' Buzz Hargrove give an bigass endorsement t' Fartin' Martin. Whooee! Bet that stung fer ol' Happy Jack. Everybuddy was callin' GoodAle's budget with the amendments "the Buzz Hargrove Budget". Looks like Buzz is payin' PollyBoy back fer doin' his budgetary biddin'. Jest don't let him kiss you on the lips, Mr. Pryminister.

That's all my windbaggery fer t'day.

Yores trooly,

Friday, December 02, 2005

I ain't dead

Whooee! Well, friends an' foes, I reckon it's been a couplafew months since I done any boogin'. Some folks mighta thought ol' JimBobby got killed or was sick or had a broken computer or mebbe couldn't pay the sympatico. Nope. Alls that happened was I got myself all wrapped up in a nail-poundin' project over t' the community centre an' I din't have any time fer boogin' like I shoulda had oughta.

The nail-poundin' work's 'bout over an' done with now an' with this here election comin' on, ol' JimBob figgered he oughta get back in the boogin' saddle so I'll try t' post up sumpin' fer yer readin' or lissenin' pleasure everyday fer the next while.

I see they got ol' Jimmy Harris, the Greenstamp Leader, shut out o' the TV debates again. Numbnutses! I reckon they got the wrong fellers callin' the shots on who gets inta these here TV yapfests. The way I hear tell, its sumpin' called the Broadcast Consortium who get t' say who is an' who ain't gonna get a chance to get up on their hind legs an' crow fer the cameras. The Broadcast Distortium is made up of execs an' newsy guys from outta the ranks o' the bigass TV networks. These here network fatcats is tellin' ol' Jimmy Harris an' the Greenies that they don't deserve t' be on the program on accounta they ain't got any remembers o' parliment elected in the House o' the Commonfolks.

One thing really gets my goat is that back in 2000, the Globall-Canwest outfit had ol' Peter Kent, the craggy newsman, sittin' on the Distortium sayin' who could an' who couldn't be on the TV. Then in 2004, ol' Kentfeller turns around an' runs fer Parliment as a Stephen Harpoon Conservative. That right there sez the whole Broadcast Consortium ain't nuthin' but a bunch o' partisan insiders who got the power t' steer public opinions with these here leader debate deals.

Elections Canadee is the outfit that runs the whole ding-dong election t' the tune of some ridiculous number o' millions o' Loonies. Back in 2004, the Green fellers an' gals went out an' brought in the vote an' they got 'bout 4.3% of all o' the votes in Canadee. On accounta the Greens got more'n 2%, they get t' be recognized as a major player an' they get sum dough - like a million bucks - from Elections Canadee. Elections Canadee gets the dough from you an' me, jest like all gummint money comes from you an' me an' also belongs t' you an' me.

Well, I figger if the gummint's spendin' a million o' my bucks on the Greens, the networks gotta duty t' let Canajuns hear the Green guy on his feet an' toe-t'-toe with the other national party leaders.

Sumpin' had me shakin' my noggin was when ol' Harpoon stabbed hisself in the foot with that there self-same sexy marryin' nonsense. I was readin' sumpin' jest the other day where some smart feller asks a bunch o' people what the Conservative Party stands fer. None of 'em knew much what the CPC is fer but they all knew what it's against - selfsame sexy marryin'. That's the onliest thing a lot o' Canajuns know 'bout the Harpoontossers an' most Canajuns is either fer SSM or else they don't give a rat's ass one way or anuther. When StevieBoy jumped all over that dead horse on the very first day campaignin' - whooee! - he give the Grits an' Dips an' Greens an' BlocHeads ammo fer sure.

Looks like the Cons an' the Grits is both tryin' t' grab up the other fellers' platforms. The Grits is all fer lowerin' taxes all of a sudden an' now ol' Harpoon's talkin' 'bout shorter waitin' times fer the healthcare. Wasn't it the same two fellers talkin' vicey-versey back in 2004? Makes ol' JimBobby think o' sumpin' I think the DippyWips say - Liberal, Tory, same old story.

Ol' Happy Jack's lookin' good along side Harpoon an' Fartin' Martin. I seen the Dips got a article up onta their website called sumpin' like Martin Ain't Walkin' the Walk. Sumpin' like that. Well, I ain't too thrilled with Happy Jack an' it concerns walkin' the walk. Back before the 2004 election vote, some reporters asked ol' Laydown what it was gonna take fer him t' prop up a Liberal minority if that's what got elected. Laydown sed there was jest one thing he'd ask for fer sure an' that was puttin' electoral reform onta the front burner. Well, I reckon we all remember when ol' Jackie gave his support t' PollyWolly Fartin' Martin. It was all about goodies an' handouts an' slappin' the bigass bizness wrists by takin' away their tax cuts. What happened t' electoral reform? He had the chance an' Laydown laid down.

I better not ramble on too long or else I might get all worn out on my firstest day back boogin' in a stretch. I ain't too keen on strainin' any o' my finger muscles or my brain, neither.

Yores trooly,