Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Zorpheus's Grewal Video

JimBobby SingsWhooee! Well friends an' foes, an email come in last night from this here Zorpheus feller an' he's got a video made all 'bout that there Grewal deal where them transcripts changed an' the Big-C numbnutses looked like the Keystone Kops tryin' t' make a case with doctored evidence. Zorph done a good job o' showin' all o' the changes an' he set the dastardly deeds t' music.

Here's a link t' Zorphy's page where he's posted up the video.

Zorph asked ol' JimBobby's permission t' use my song, The Ol' GreyWall, in his video an', naturally, I sed yes. My big part comes in at about the 6:20 point an' I sing while the credits is rollin' past. I ain't sure how Zorf knowed what ol' JimBobby looks like. I been tryin' hard t' keep my secret super-hero identity a bigass secret.

I'm sorta hopin' a bigtime talent scout from a major record label'll notice what a fine singin' voice I got an' I'll be on the road t' fame an' fortune. I reckon I might be travelin' on that there road drivin' a minnyvan.

So, if anybuddy knows any bigass talent scouts, send 'em over t' Zorpheus's video t' have a look an' a lissen. It's a laff, no two ways.

Yores trooly,

Saturday, June 25, 2005

How Much is That Watchdog in the Window?

Whooee! Well, Canadee's Ethics Commissioner come out with his report on ol' Judy Sgro this week an' he din't clear things up too much. I seen where ol' Eddie Broadbent sez BernieBoy's not up t' the job an' there's lots o' other remembers o' parliment an' pundidiots all pilin' on ol' Shapiro, so I figgered I'd join in the fun. I wrote me a little song t' the tune o' the ol' Patti Page number called How Much is that Doggie in the Window.

I recorded up an' audio mp3 file o' me singin' fer yer lissenin' pleasure. It's a short one this time so it's only 'bout 825 kb.

How Much is That Watchdog in the Window?

How much is that watchdog in the window? (arf! arf!)
Ol' Bernie Shapiro's his name.
How much is that watchdog in the window? (arf! arf!)
For a watchdog, he seems awfully tame.

He spent a hundred and seventy thousand dollars,
Investigatin' ol' Judy Sgro.
His report's got me hot under the collar,
Was she guilty? We still don't know.

How much is that watchdog in the window? (arf! arf!)
The one who ain't black and ain't white.
How much is that watchdog in the window? (arf! arf!)
His bark is as soft as his bite.

I read in the paper 'bout AdScammers (roof! roof!)
An' corruption places high up.
We need a tough watchdog to protect us, (grrrr!)
Shapiro's a cudd-l-y pup.

How much is that watchdog in the window? (arf! arf!)
Was she guilty? He just couldn't say.
How much is that watchdog in the window? (hnyhh, hnyhh, nyhhh)
Was she guilty? It's all shades of grey.

Here's the audio.

Yores trooly,

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Geldof Bossin' the Pope

Whooee! Well friends, I reckon ol' Sir Bob Geldof's getting a bit big fer his britches when he starts bossin' the pope around.
ROME (Reuters) - Bob Geldof, the rock-star-turned anti-poverty campaigner, called on Pope Benedict on Tuesday to join the protest near next month's G8 summit to add his voice to the throngs who will be calling for action to help Africa.
Sir Bob sez he wrote hisself a letter t' ol' Bennie the 16th an' alls Bendicto sent back was a pitcher of hisself. Yeow! Don't Bendict know what a important feller Sir Bob is? I hope he at least autygraphed that there pitcher.

Fact is, it'd probbly be a good thing if ol' Benedict let BobbbyBoy Gelding bend his ear a bit on the anti-poverty angle. I figger the church is on shaky ground when it comes t' lookin' out fer the pore folks. When yer lookin' at all o' them golden statues an' jewelled head-dresses an' the opulence o' Rome, it's hard t' give much cred t' the RC's.

Down in Central an' South Merka an' over in Africa, the church's got lotsa power an' them folks got troublems like over-populated slums an' corrupt gummints an' AIDS. Them's all troublems that're either caused by poverty or else they get worse on accounta poverty. I heard tell last week that ol' Benedict sez the Africans dyin' o' AIDS better not use condoms. Shee-it! What century is this guy livin' in?

Yores trooly,

Saturday, June 18, 2005

1000 Chinese Spies Stealin' $12 Billion a Year

Whooee! Well friends an' foes, I jest seen this CP story in the Yahoo News where ol' Harpoon sez we're being over-run by Chinese spies an' the Chinese is stealin' our industrial secrets an' it's costin' Canadee $1 billion a month.
"Today the former head of the CSIS Asia desk confirmed reports from defectors that close to 1000 Chinese government agent spies have infiltrated Canada," Conservative Leader Stephen Harper said.
Dang! $12 billion a year'd go a long ways in fixin' healthcare fer a generation an' gettin' shorter waitin' times fer MRI's an' new hip joints. An' I tell you what, them Chinese is usin' what ever them spies give'm so's they can sell more stuff t' WalMarket an' then the pore dumbass Canajuns can go t' WalMarket an' buy sum Chinese stuff that got made with industrial-strength espionage.

Stevie tossed his harpoon at the Chinese spies fer bullyin' Chinese-Canajun Fallin' Gongers, too. I reckon if all this is true stuff, we gotta big Chinese spy troublem an' we oughta be pushin' ol' Dithers t' do sumpin'. I'm glad t' see Harpoon finally holdin' the Grits feet t' the fire fer sumpin' important instead o' the usual name-callin' back an' forth an' polytickin' an' slowin' down parliment with social backwardism like fightin' against SSM.

Now, I reckon the Big-C's could make sum polytickal hay outta this Chinese spy thing if they'd get past blamin' the Grits an' start talkin' 'bout workin' together in the House t' try an' stop this $1 billion a month from leavin' Canadee an' goin' t' Commonist Red China.

Them Commonist Red Chinese is 'bout the worst there is when it comes t' repressin' an' oppressin' an' death-penalty killin'. Everybuddy's always pussy-footin' around the dang Chinese on accounta they got such a big population o' potential customers. Shee-it! If they're jest stealin' our industrial secrets an' usin' that against us, why should we pussy-foot? They ain't gonna be customers fer us. They're gearin' up so's they don't hafta buy from us an' they're doin' it by spyin'. Leastwise, that's what Harpoon sez.

Yores trooly,

Friday, June 17, 2005

Shootin' a Bear, FATMT's and Fartin' Martin

Whooee! Well sporadic readers o' my sporadic writin', I jest seen a headline in the Yahoo News on the CP channel that bought a smile t' ol' JimBobby's face. You see, when I was a young kiddie, my ol' Pappy had a way o' sayin' "Shoot a bear" when he meant "Fart." So, I sorta laffed when I seen this here headline --

Son shoots bear that killed his father at remote cabin in N.W.T. bush

Turns out there weren't any killer fartin' involved an' it's a tragic tale o' man against bear in the North country. They sed the black bear was foamin' at the mouth an' come attackin' 'em right offa the float plane so I reckon this weren't no ordinary black bear but mebbe he had the rabies or sumpin'.

They been gettin' sum black bears walkin' round the suburbs up in Newmarket where B.Linda's from and I heard tell of another ursus urbanus not far from Trawna (centre o' the universe.) I sure as hell hope we don't get any Foamin' at the Mouth Bears (FATMB's) 'round my nayberhood. I'm a bit further south so I reckon I'm safe but I figger B.Linda's naybers oughta be sum worried.

What we got in my nayberhood is sum FATMT's. Them's Foamin' at the Mouth Thumpers. The FATMT's (pronounced "fat empties") is the ones who's always thumpin' on the Good Book recitin' parts t' back up their ignorant bullyin'. I ain't got much use fer fat empties. I don't reckon they're quite as dangerous as them FATMB's. They sure as hell scare easier. They're scared o' stuff like selfsame sexy marryin' (SSM) an' seein' a coupla queer fellers holdin' hands in a cartoon.

Speakin' o' selfsame sexy marryin', I'm gettin' purty damn disgusted with ol' Polly Wolly Fartin' Martin. The ditherin' dimwit ain't done diddly since clawin' his way t' power an' now it looks like the SSM bill is gonna get pushed down until the Fall or until hell freezes over. Lord Thunderin' Jeezuz, boys! The remembers o' parliment been pissin' around with this here marryin' bill fer the whole ding-dong session. The courts has been dealin' with it fer years. Everybody who voted last time knew what their candidates sed on SSM. Nobuddy sez they're changin' their minds. Why in the hell does Fartin' Martin wanna wait?

Why? I'm glad I asked. I'll tell you why. It's on accounta Paddy O'Brain an' his anti-SSM Liberal sideshow. Ol' Polly Martin's runnin' scared from dissent in his Liberal ranks. If Fartin' Martin had any gumption, he'd be up on his hind legs sellin' SSM an' tellin' Patio Brine how it's a equal rights thing an' how the MP's gotta stay late an' vote on sumpin' so dang important.

My ol' Pappy had sayin's 'bout other stuff besides shootin' bears. He useta say "actions speak louder'n words." Well, ol' Pryminister Martin's actions is speakin' loud right now an' they sez he ain't so strong on SSM an' equal rights like he sez he is. JimBobby sez Martin oughta quit the sumbitchin' ditherin' an' get at least one good thing done. There's a whole summer comin' up fer queer weddin's. No reason t' let ol' Stevie Harpoon hog all the fun at them there barbecues.

Yores trooly,

Thursday, June 09, 2005

The Ol' Grey Wall (he ain't what he useta be)

Whooee! Well, friends an' foes, I had a couplafew fellers ask when I was gonna write up another song an' post up a audio boog fer yer lissenin' pleasure. I set my keester down jest now an' got a new song writ an' I recorded it, too.

I guess I better admit I spliced two recordin's together. The first version din't have me givin' any introduction t' the song so I made a new one an' pasted it in front o' the first one. It ain't too tricky an' I don't see any o' them poppity-pop lines like in them Grewal tapes. Ol' Grey oughta get hisself better audio editin' software. I reckon he coulda made a haff-assed decent job out of it if he'd o' used Audacity or Sound Forge.

So, here's my little song set t' the tune o' The Old Grey Mare.

The Ol' GreyWall

Oh, the ol' GreyWall, he ain't what he useta be,
Ain't what he useta be, ain't what he useta be.
The ol' GreyWall, he ain't what he useta be,
Many long years ago.

Oh, the ol' GreyWall, he sez he's a super-sleuth,
Exposin' the awful truth, from a recordin' booth.
The ol' GreyWall, he sez he's a super-sleuth,
Rootin' out Liberal wrongs.

Oh, the ol' GreyWall, he fired up his tape machine,
Tape recorded Martin's team playin' at a dirty scheme.
The ol' GreyWall, he fired up his tape machine,
An' secretly taped the Grits.

Oh, the ol' GreyWall, he leaked the tapes in bits an' bursts,
Inflictin' lotsa Liberal hurt, as 'round specifics they did skirt.
The ol' GreyWall, he leaked the tapes in bits an' bursts,
Leavin' out some juicy parts.

Oh, the GreyWall tapes, they ain't what they useta be,
Send 'em to the RCMP, we'll see who done skullduggery,
The GreyWall tapes, they been altered, yessirree.
So say the audio cops.

Oh, the ol' GreyWall's got support from leader Steve Harpoon,
Backin' up his star buffoon, better smell the coffee soon.
The ol' GreyWall's got support from leader Steve Harpoon,
He's about the only one.

Now, ol' GreyWall is neck-deep in another mess,
No wonder he's feelin' stress, did he or did he not invest?
Fifty-thousand bucks, in one day and out the next.
Welcome to Canadee.

Oh, the ol' GreyWall's constituents have writ him off.
At his stories, they do scoff, just a politician at the trough.
The ol' GreyWall's constituents have writ him off.
Pension the sumbitch off.

The audio version (3:50 1.77MB mp3) has choruses sung in between the verses so there's more there than there is here but I'm a lazyass an' I couldn't bother with all o' the ding-dong typewritin'.

Yores trooly,

Friday, June 03, 2005

Taggin' Boogers

Whooee! Well there's a game o' tag goin' on in the boogeysphere an' ol' JimBobby's been tagged by DarceyFeller over t' Dust My Broom an' also by GlendaGal. I been tagged so I reckon that means I gotta spill the beans 'bout books I read.

Last book I bought was Charlie Farquharson's Histry of Canda - Reevised and More Expansive.

That there is also the last book I read ('cept I'm still readin' it.)

As fer books that I reckon mean a lot t' me here they are:

Songs of a Sourdough by Robert Service

The Beatty Barn Book

Elbert Hubbard's Scrap Book

Complete Book of Etiquette by Amy Vanderbilt (1957 edition)

Them 4 was right at my fingertips an' I didn't even hafta get outta my chair t' grab 'em an' scan 'em. The one I can't lay my hands onta is Bound for Glory by Woody Guthrie. I reckon I loaned it out an' it din't come back an' now I don't remember who borrowed it an' I can't fine'm fer bein' overdue or take away their liberry card.

As fer how many books I own, I reckon there's a coupla hunnert or more. Do skin magazines count?

Now, I reckon I gotta tag 5 other boogers.

I tag:

JamesyBoy Bow
Billfeller Doskoch
Rob Cottingham
Jay CurriePowder

Yores trooly,